- 3 - I've a pretty taste for paradox.

[toobravehearted]

[It starts in the subconscious, below the radar. A snatch of a tune that runs around his head and an occasional tap of his foot. It isn't long before he is humming. It's a quirky tune, fast paced. His fingers start to tap out the rhythm of the libretto on the counter in the laboratory. It's building and the humming he makes changes to the odd spoken word under his breath, until it's too much and it has to be let out, haltingly at first, then increasing in strength.] 

♬ I am the very model of a modern Major-General,
I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical
From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical;
I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical,
I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical,
About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news,
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse.

[That's it. The Doctor is cooking on gas. He spins around on his lab chair and he jumps up, off at a brisk walk through the TARDIS. Good thing the journal is with him, yes?] 

♬ I'm very good at integral and differential calculus;
I know the scientific names of beings animalculous:
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Major-General.

♬ I know our mythic history, King Arthur's and Sir Caradoc's;
I answer hard acrostics, I've a pretty taste for paradox,
I quote in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus,
In conics I can floor peculiarities parabolous;
I can tell undoubted Raphaels from Gerard Dows and Zoffanies,
I know the croaking chorus from The Frogs of Aristophanes!
Then I can hum a fugue of which I've heard the music's din afore,
And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore.

♬ Then I can write a washing bill in Babylonic cuneiform,
And tell you ev'ry detail of Caractacus's uniform:
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Major-General.

♬ In fact, when I know what is meant by "mamelon" and "ravelin",
When I can tell at sight a Mauser rifle from a javelin,
When such affairs as sorties and surprises I'm more wary at,
And when I know precisely what is meant by "commissariat",
When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern gunnery,
When I know more of tactics than a novice in a nunnery—
In short, when I've a smattering of elemental strategy—
You'll say a better Major-General has never sat a-gee.

♬ For my military knowledge, though I'm plucky and adventury,
Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century;
But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Major-General.

[By the time he's finished he has reached the console room and there is stunned silence for thirty seconds.] 


...Good heavens. At least it wasn't Three Little Maids From School.

Comments

[courageous_wit]

I've always liked that song. Welcome to Paradisa, Doctor.

[toobravehearted]

[Facepalm.]

Thank you, Hermione. So glad I could entertain. I'm sure some have had ruder welcomes.

[courageous_wit]

Indeed. This happens every year, by the way, if you stay on long enough to experience it again.

[toobravehearted]

Then I shall make sure my voice is in full fettle for next time. If I am here.

[Pause.]

...I was rather good though. [He grins.]

[courageous_wit]

I certainly thought so. This is my second year going through this, and it still surprises me how many people are musically talented.

[toobravehearted]

Thank you. How about yourself, do you have a musical talent?

[courageous_wit]

I can play the piano.

[toobravehearted]

You do? There's a music room here... Which I'm sure you already know of, my apologies. Do you get to play often?

[courageous_wit]

Now and then. I don't usually bring my journal along, though.

[toobravehearted]

Now that is a shame. I think I would very much enjoy to hear you play.

[courageous_wit]

I'd be happy to play for you, Doctor.

[toobravehearted]

[He grins widely, very pleased for this.] That's excellent, thank you. When you have the thought to play again, I would be honoured to come along.

[courageous_wit]

I think I'll wait for another day, just to be sure I'm not caught singing as well.

[toobravehearted]

Hermione, I'm sure your singing would be wonderful. But you do have a point and once was enough for me today as well.

[eat_me_beat_me]

[Nora's practically cackling over the journal, Doctor.]

Happy April Fools Day, Doctor.

[toobravehearted]

{He hears that cackling and eye rolls. Nora's definitely amused isn't she?!]

Thank you, Nora. Beautiful day for it, isn't it?

[OK, so her laughter is infectious.] All right. That could have been much worse.

OMG That's hysterical!!

[eat_me_beat_me]

[She's still giggling as she replies]

It is, yeah. The castle usually does something weird for the day, though it skipped the singing last year. At least you're not alone, right?

Isn't it?!

[toobravehearted]

What happened last year? Actually, is that something I want to know?

[eat_me_beat_me]

the entire castle flooded. Like, seriously, it was like biblical. Suddenly the entire world was underwater and we were treading water until a giant cruise ship picked us up.

[toobravehearted]

[Hold on, wait. It is April 1st.] You wouldn't be pulling my leg with that now, would you?

[eat_me_beat_me]

Not this time, I promise. [she laughs] You can ask anyone who was here around that time.

[toobravehearted]

All right, I'll take your word for it. Excellent. Let's hope we don't get to take a dip soon, eh?

[eat_me_beat_me]

Yeah let's not. I had to climb out my window and up to the next floor to get away from it.

[psych0p0mps]

[applause!]

i have to say Doctor i didnt know you could sing like that
excellent job!

[toobravehearted]

[Applause? Oh no, really not required... All right, he agrees, but that was a little embarrassing.]

Thank you, Aradia. More than unexpected but I do aim to please. Apparently I'm not the only one to break into song.

[psych0p0mps]

yeah thats a thing that happens on april first i guess
it didnt last year but it did the year before that

[toobravehearted]

Let's be thankful it is only once a year - or bi-annual, then.

[psych0p0mps]

do you mean to imply that you wont be doing any singing for another year
i hope thats not a thing you are implying

[toobravehearted]

[There's a smile he's trying not to let out there.] Can't have too much of a good thing, Aradia. [All right, now he's just laughing. This young lady seems to do that to him and cheer his spirits.]

I might make an exception for a duet one day, though. [Yes, he implies her. Show tunes though, nothing age inappropriate. He could get behind that.]

[psych0p0mps]

[eee! yes she is so ok with this.]

oho i look forward to it
are you by any chance familiar with a song called the time warp

<3 You kill me :D

[toobravehearted]

[What was he just thinking about age inappropriate?! Quick Doctor, feign innocence!]

Ah... I know one called A Chronic Hysteresis. That's about similar, isn't it?

[Pause. Pause.

Teasing...]

I didn't know you could dance Aradia.

ngl i've wanted to do a time warp duet since forever

[psych0p0mps]

[fun fact: she's never actually seen the movie, only heard the song...]

hmm i havent heard of that one :0
how does it go

i cant
but that doesnt stop me from trying

It must be done! Althought the thought of this guy doing the pelvic thrust breaks my brain /dying

[toobravehearted]

Well, it is a bit repetitive.

I'm sure you can't be bad. And no, it shouldn't stop you from trying.

so you might say it... really drives you insane. B)

[psych0p0mps]

i figure its alright as long as i apologize in advance for any stepped on toes

[no_ghost]

Did you actually do those things or is it a song from back home?

[toobravehearted]

... Not all of them.

The song is from Earth in fact. A musical from the late 1800's. I'll have to slip back one day and take in its debut.

How are you, Peter?

[no_ghost]

Ah, that explains I've not heard of it before, although the tune is familiar...

I'm still here so I guess I'm doing okay. How about yourself?

[toobravehearted]

Good to hear. I can imagine that some wouldn't take to well to the adjustment. And myself, extremely well so it seems, thank you. Happy enough to sing, even.