calmed down || written

[jthm]

Dear DIEary,

Yeah DIEary, I'm done mourning. I need to get stuff done and now I have my own Jiminy Cricket. Except he's a huge bunny that I'm not allowed to kill and, unlike the cricket, I can't see him.

I don't really know if he's real or if he's another voice. But he promised me some fucking chocolate and I haven't gotten any yet.

Bonus: He doesn't sing!

But I digress, I wanna check out that town. Anything good there?

Comments

[thatrabbitsdynamite]

Where are you, and I'll send you the chocolate too.

But only if you keep up the no killing deal.

[jthm]

I made no such deal, bunny.

[thatrabbitsdynamite]

I'm making one now.

[Yep. Easter Bunny can be an asshole]

[jthm]

Wha---THAT'S NOT FAIR!

[thatrabbitsdynamite]

Life isn't fair, what's your point?

[jthm]

...I am not agreeing to this.

[thatrabbitsdynamite]

Then I can't agree to what you've asked me. Simple as.

[jthm]

...well fiine, I didn't want chocolate anyway.

[thatrabbitsdynamite]

You sure about that? You haven't tasted chocolate until you've had mine.

[jthm]

This is blackmail!

[thatrabbitsdynamite]

Looks that way, doesn't it?

[jthm]

You're a bastard.

[thatrabbitsdynamite]

On occasion.

[jthm]

THIS ISN'T FAIR!

[thatrabbitsdynamite]

Like I said, kid, life isn't fair. Take it or leave it.

[jthm]

Well I'm leaving it, I hate blackmail.

[thatrabbitsdynamite]

'Fair enough.

But you'd best keep your killing away from the children. If you harm them, you become an enemy of the guardians.

Trust me, you don't want that.

[jthm]

Guardians? Like legal guardians? Holy shit are all the kid here adopted or something?

[thatrabbitsdynamite]

No. It's the name of the group I belong to. We protect all the children, watch over them, keep them from harm.

[jthm]

You watch over little kids? And here I thought I was creepy.

[thatrabbitsdynamite]

Nothin creepy about it, I protect them.

[jthm]

From what? The boogie man?

[thatrabbitsdynamite]

Yes. Actually.

[jthm]

...your job is to keep away the boogie man? PFFFFFT! Next you'll tell me you work fat that fat bastard, Santa!

[Cue hysterical laughter.]

[thatrabbitsdynamite]

Pitch is a dangerous madman who destroyed my entire planet and species. Show a little respect.

I work with who you call Santa, not for him.

[jthm]

species? You're a bunny.

[thatrabbitsdynamite]

I'm a pooka. I'm not from Earth.

[jthm]

...so you're an alien bunny?

[thatrabbitsdynamite]

...In a manner of speaking, yeah.

[jthm]

Ok so you're an alien bunny that gives away free candy to kind little human kids...

and what's this about the boogie man destroying your home planet? PLEASE tell me it was shaped like a giant easter egg.

[thatrabbitsdynamite]

It was. [His response is curt, he doesn't like to talk about home]

And I give free chocolate to all kids, no matter what they're like.

[jthm]

...except me.

[thatrabbitsdynamite]

If you agreed not to kill anyone, you'd get eggs too.

[jthm]

See, you blackmail me with these things while everyone else just gets them.

What the hell happened to "no matter what they're like"

[thatrabbitsdynamite]

No other little kid I've met goes around murdering people.

[jthm]

Just goes to show, you haven't met every little kid yet.

[thatrabbitsdynamite]

I think it's safe to say you're unique.

[jthm]

So unique I have to be blackmailed? How kind.

[thatrabbitsdynamite]

You can still take it or leave it. It's all up to you.

[jthm]

I don't take kindly to blackmail, especially from some invisible bunny from space!

At least nail bunny was nice to me.

[thatrabbitsdynamite]

I'm nice as pie if you don't kill people.

[jthm]

Nail bunny never blackmailed me either.

[thatrabbitsdynamite]

Well, I'm not nail bunny.

[jthm]

...you can be

[thatrabbitsdynamite]

No. I don't think so.

[jthm]

...yeah but you seriously walked into that one.

[thatrabbitsdynamite]

I'll give you that much. [You crazy kid]