He knows how absurd it has to sound, that should would not be able to understand his choices. Tess is as furious as he's ever seen her; he really has to struggle to keep from getting smashed in the face. Joel thinks he should've taken it, should've let her have at least that much, that little bit of fleeting satisfaction. He doesn't bother to stop her from pounding against his front with her fist, because she's not just furious. She's breaking. Oh, shit.
It was horrible to hear, horrible to watch. Why did he decide to tell her and add more weight to the end of her life? He's regretting it now, but he'd had some instinct that he wouldn't be able to squirm his way into a lie with her after she kept returning to the topic. She wouldn't nod and accept, the way Ellie had.
And yet she seems small now, the tears in her eyes and the sheer ache in her voice. Shit. God, he makes a sound like her pain is traveling, all breathless and stifled.]
I know, I know it does -- [His own voice startles him, reminds him of his last words to Sarah. All these dead people begging him to make it stop. His answer always seems to be the same: I know, c'mere. I know. Joel tries once again to close his arms around Tess after loosening his angry, defensive hold, at a loss of what else to do, but he's prepared in case all she wants to do is shove him the fuck away right now.]
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He knows how absurd it has to sound, that should would not be able to understand his choices. Tess is as furious as he's ever seen her; he really has to struggle to keep from getting smashed in the face. Joel thinks he should've taken it, should've let her have at least that much, that little bit of fleeting satisfaction. He doesn't bother to stop her from pounding against his front with her fist, because she's not just furious. She's breaking. Oh, shit.
It was horrible to hear, horrible to watch. Why did he decide to tell her and add more weight to the end of her life? He's regretting it now, but he'd had some instinct that he wouldn't be able to squirm his way into a lie with her after she kept returning to the topic. She wouldn't nod and accept, the way Ellie had.
And yet she seems small now, the tears in her eyes and the sheer ache in her voice. Shit. God, he makes a sound like her pain is traveling, all breathless and stifled.]
I know, I know it does -- [His own voice startles him, reminds him of his last words to Sarah. All these dead people begging him to make it stop. His answer always seems to be the same: I know, c'mere. I know. Joel tries once again to close his arms around Tess after loosening his angry, defensive hold, at a loss of what else to do, but he's prepared in case all she wants to do is shove him the fuck away right now.]
I know.