paradisa | 530 - no I never liked disco

Entry tags:

mark hunter/hard harry

530 - no I never liked disco

[Monday night? Check. 10 PM? Check. Leonard Cohen's "Everybody Knows" over the journals and the radios, for those who own them? Super-check.]

Happy Monday, Wonderfuckers! This is your resident DJ, Hard Harry, one year older and twelve months cruder, openin' up the airwaves and lettin' it rip. [to prove his relative maturity, there's a classic fart noise from his sound board. and you thought he was growing up.] ... And hey, whichever one of you shitheads gave me a walker with tennis balls on it, I'm gonna find you and put sardines in your bedsheets. [he sounds pleased enough, despite the threat. all the gag gifts Nora solicited seem to have taken the edge off his birthday blues] As for the popsicle sticks, in keeping what seems to suddenly be a theme, I'm currently building a scale model of the Trojan Rabbit, so if anyone wants to use it to sneak into a tiny castle full of rude French people, lemme know. The rest of this shit? I'll find a use for it. Never fear. [he's got a special project in mind for the blow-up dolls from Tucker, but that's being saved for a rainy day, when people have completely forgotten that they even exist]

Let's roll out the red carpet for this week's Blanketeers: Carley, Joel, Molly, Tess, and Terry. And if you've got a better nickname than that, I'm still taking suggestions from last week's broadcast, I just pulled that one out of - well. Let's just say I washed it off before I tried it out in public, and leave it at that. [he'll explain the logic behind the term if anyone asks, but really he's just as content to leave it be and make people wonder]

And if you don't feel like hoppin' on the old welcome wagon this week, my buddy Gary's looking for information about what you folks consider monsters to be, back home. Hit him up, because sharing is caring, and nothin' says caring like using violence as slang for communication, especially in conjunction with talkin' about shit that scares the bejeezus outta you. But for now, let's get our weekly jam on, shall we? I know I gave you a shot of Everclear last week, but I think we need just a little more, for the hell of it.

[and away we go! the playlist gets almost to the end, maybe a minute or so of the last song left, before it cuts out with a sudden pop and crackle]

What the shit? ... Hold on, folks. Technical malfunction ... Play button's still on. Light's on. CD's practically brand fuckin' new ... and it's still spinning... what the hell is wrong with my --

[and then he finds the culprit - a frayed wire, and his birthday present from Katniss, looking very pleased with himself]

HARVEY! Goddammit. ... Well, nothin' me and Radio Shack can't handle ...

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[So never owning up to the walker. But he's so staring at this, trying to make sense of one term because good golly does it not make sense from what he knows about it]

Wait, a Trojan rabbit?

[Kin...ky?]

[She tilted her head at the radio, her lips quirking at the edges.] You get a new assistant?

Yeah, it's ... it's a joke based on somethin' that happened in history, in my world. The Trojans, that's what they called people from a place called Troy, a really, really fuckin' long time ago. Before they, y'know, named condoms after 'em.

[pause] ... If that's what you thought I meant, that? Is fucking hilarious.

[he can hear you smiling, Katniss. he is wise to you. so very wise. because seriously, who else could catch him a rabbit?]

Yeah, but whoever hired him for me didn't check his resume, he's got shit for technical experience.

[speaking of presents, Hermione has sent hers to your door, Mark. There are some yellow-creme sweets, a wand and some sparklers. Her note only says "Have a Happy Birthday. Love, Hermione".

It does not warn that the cremes will turn him into a canary if he eats them. Or that the wand is fake and will transform into a rubber chicken the moment he tries to use it. Or that the sparklers will spell out swear words. Thank your girlfriend for whatever grief/hilarity you get from these gifts, Mark]

Oh.

Wellll you know, when you wish for something enough times- the word written on the packaging tends to stick in your mind!

[who the balls are you, spying on her. B(]

Name-dropped on the radio, don't I feel special.

Maybe you could send him out for coffee instead? Keep track of your fan mail.

Hope you enjoyed your baconade, it'd wash down that year older real well.

[He's not going to comment on the monster thing, because, well, his monsters are very real. But his eyes do float up to Mark's normal list of newcomers and...oh]

Oh yeah probably should have warned you about Molly.

...

Good luck, bro.

[She laughs]

Happy belated birthday, Mark. I'm sorry I missed it.

[he laughs] Might've been a little more than I needed to know there, but I get what you mean. ... Anyway, the Greeks wanted to invade Troy, so they built this giant wooden horse and made the Trojans think it was a present --

Okay, wait. I should probably check and see if you even care about where that joke came from before I tell you half the Iliad.

He'd eat through the envelopes, I could lose whole sentences.

[oh boy, another new one who thinks getting welcomed is a violation of their personal rights. welp, it'd been long enough since he had one, he figures he was probably overdue]

Everyone's a special snowflake here in Castle Wonderfuck, didn't you get the memo?

I enjoyed it a hell of a lot more than I expected to, actually. Bacon and lemonade are fucking amazing together, who knew?

... And lemme guess, she's the ray of sunshine who just called in?

Hey, don't sweat it. I'll have another one next year, you can catch me then. What's new? Been busy with the Code?

[honestly, he's most stoked about the wand, and instantly tries to use it to wingardium leviosa some of his CDs into neater stacks. poof. chicken.

that would be the sound of his unmistakable cackling coming over the journals]

Oh, man, good one, Hermione.

Sounds like you got my presents. I knew you would like them.

Oh c'mon, you can take it as a good thing- you're not going to have to worry about redheaded nieces and nephews anytime soon!

And of course I wanna know! The Greeks were the guys that made that camp for half-bloods right?

[More like hearing her name come out of a stranger's mouth is pretty damn unsettling, given her circumstances.]

Yeah. Including you, right?

He could try and get you your coffee? If he can carry it in his tiny paws.

You always find them in state fairs, they should probably make it a staple drink.

Pretty much. She's a good person, she's just...been through a lot of shit, and been on her own for most of it.

... Point. [he laughs, mostly because it gives him the warm fuzzies to think that Zelos considers him a brother, too, even if he might just be joking]

Yeah, that's them! The horse was hollow on the inside, and all the Greek soldiers hid inside and waited for the Trojans to take it inside the walls of their city. Then once everyone was asleep, they snuck out and took them all by surprise and kicked their asses. So sneaking up on people, or giving people something that they think is a gift but really isn't ... where I'm from, we call it a Trojan horse. There's a saying that goes with it, too: "Beware of Greeks bearing gifts". So, uh, if Percy tries to give you anything ... [ha ha?]

Now you're just stretching, Katniss. [he's amused as hell though]

Seriously, though, he's cool. How'd you catch him without hurting him?

They're awesome! ... Should I be worried about what the other stuff does?

You bet. Name's Mark, but I go by Hard Harry on DJ nights. ... Don't worry, most of us here don't bite, and the one I know who does hasn't actually drawn blood in years.

On her own? With all those walkers around? ... Holy shit. That must have been scary as hell. [he winces]

I won't mess with her, then. Scout's honor.

Not only walkers, but she had to deal with a crazy-fuck community that sprung up in her city. They only let the strong stay with them, anyone too old, young, sick or weak to benefit them were-

Well. It was just very fucked up.

Thanks. She can definitely handle herself, I just don't want you meeting the nasty end of Hilda.

It's not dangerous. Just harmless joke shop things. But maybe only light one sparkler at a time. They have a long magic life and you wouldn't want to waste them all at once.

Mark, me? Never.

[She laughed quietly, before she smiled warmly.] Gale has taught me some good traps, over the years.

Molly.

[There isn't anything particularly threatening about her tone, but there's a heaviness to it that belies any sort of friendliness.]

Thanks for the tip, Mark, but I think I'll decide that on my own.

I'll definitely remember next year.

[she smiles]

Yes. I have a few ideas I'm working on. I really need to have another meeting or something one of these days...

You say that like you don't think anyone'll show up. [hear that? that is the sound of Mark ratcheting himself into Encouragement Mode. COME ON, PHOEBE, DON'T BE LIKE THAT]

[Oh Mark. Never change. She laughs]

No, no. Nothing like that... I'm just not used to running something like this. It's still pretty foreign to me.

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530 - no I never liked disco

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keywords relevant, lol

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Re: keywords relevant, lol

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Ben, to end

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