paradisa | Quest 2: On family [Written/Dictated]

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Quest 2: On family [Written/Dictated]

I know I am not the only one here who was suddenly torn away from loved ones in need. So, it is with a reluctant hand that I write this now; I am not a Dwarf who can easily ask for aid to those who are not of my kind. But the grief is far too much to bear.

How do you deal with this pain?

My sister entrusted her sons to me for the quest to reclaim our homeland, but in their hour of need, this castle ripped me from them. I am told that time stops in our worlds when the castle calls us, and that is of some comfort. But still, it hurts me to think on them. Is the pain of leaving loved ones behind not enough sacrifice for the castle, it must take something else of significant value as well?

It is impossible not to think on them, my nephews may as well be my own sons. They came when I called for help, they are excellent heirs to the Durin line. Therefore, forgetting my world is not an option. But if anyone has any advice on this matter...I am more than willing to hear them out.

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There's nothing you can do for them. Try to distract yourself. [Like he's doing with his motorcycle parts.] I bet everyone has someone they miss.

Distract myself, eh?

[Well, Thorin had rather enjoyed partaking of the bar with Bilbo, and the expedition was indeed interesting even if it had lacked battle thus far.]

I suppose that's the only way, you're right.

The castle can give us everything but what we want most.

[Which is and will always be cruel.]

Have any hobbies?

Aye, that seems to be the horrid truth, doesn't it?

[Thorin pauses and considers the question.]

Metal work; I'm a Dwarf and therefore I enjoy being a smith by trade. I work best with producing weapons. Other than that, I enjoy sparring, the violin, dancing and chess.

[Dancing and chess - but he's no nerd, mind you. Dancing is the way and culture of his people, and chess builds one's sense of strategy.]

Start making your wishes, then. [A smith, swords/other weapons, a violin, bow, rosin and a chess set.] The castle should be able to handle those requests without you paying much.

[If anything. It depends on the castle's...mood. If one can call it that.]

Every wish is a risk. But it's worth it sometimes.

Aye, I suppose - forgive me lad, it's not been long since the castle took me.

[He's wished for things, but small things: A flagon of ale here and there mostly.]

But I can see your point, about it being worth the risk.

I haven't been here long either. [He's just used to crap and being in odd situations.] Better than thinking too much.

[Phoebe's voice is quiet, tender as she replies]

I've been here over two years. Both of my sisters were here when I got here [... and her ex husband but we're not bringing him up]. Since I've been here they've both left and come back and left again. The last time I saw either of them was almost a year ago... at my wedding.

[She sighs. Wow this is starting to sound like a "my life is worse than yours" conversation. Shaking her head she continues]

It does get a little easier over time, though the pain of being away from them never really disappears. I can assure you that time really does stop back home. They've always come from an earlier time in my life and I can honestly say that I can never remember them disappearing with no explanation back home. The best thing you can do is be strong and make connections with people here. They don't replace your family, and they shouldn't, but at least they can help fill the void.

[Thorin nods slowly, agreeing with her.]

Aye, you're right lass, nothing can or should replace family. But the friends I've made here are making it easier.

[Even the women he initially argued with.]

I thank you for your kind words, and I am sorry for your loss as well - seems we are in similar boats, as they say. Should you ever be in need of comforting, do not hesitate to reach out to me. I will gladly return the kindness you have shown me just now.

[Thorin nods, brooding and over-thinking is kind of this thing, when he has the time anyway.]

Aye, you're right. Thinking too much on things I cannot change will do me no good.

Well, as we're both new to the castle, what say we share a flagon of ale sometime? You seem a man of good sense to me!

I often wonder that myself- why the castle has to take something when kidnapping us from our homes and making us leave others behind is bad enough. The price feels too high.

There is nothing that will lessen the pain and worry except time. It will never go away, and I feel like it should not. Keeping my own sister in my thoughts has kept me grounded here.

Aye, that it shouldn't...that it shouldn't. But I shall take a lesson from you then, and make sure the thoughts of my nephews keep me from getting to complacent here.

I thank you, for your kind words.

[Aw, you're making this hobbit sad, Thorin. He feels your pain, he really does.]

Thorin. The best way to deal with it, is to deal with it together. I'm here from your home, even though I am not a dwarf, I value you to be one of my closest friends. You're not alone, Thorin.

You have saved my life, Mister Baggins - I consider you as close as family. Do not misunderstand me; I am glad for your company. If nothing else, I am glad that I have you at least to help me through this madness.

[She smiles]

Thank you very much for the offer. Having someone to talk to is important. [a pause] I should probably introduce myself, shouldn't I? I'm Phoebe Halliwell.

Ah! You're quite right - at any rate it's a pleasure to meet you, Phoebe.

I am Thorin Oakenshield; son of Thrain, son of Thror, King Under the Mountain.

But, I suppose it would be better for you to simply call me 'Thorin'.

[She laughs] That's quite a name, and a title.

It's a pleasure to meet you, too, Thorin. How long have you been here?

Aye, that it is! [He shares the laugh.] But it is a Dwarf's way of honoring his lineage.

I've not been here long...a few weeks, perhaps? Not yet a month.

_{[ Though he is still hurt and reeling from the loss of Felix as a distinct facet in his life, this gets through to him, and he suddenly feels guilty for letting himself be so selfish and trapped in his own anguish to ignore what Thorin had told him over the several times they met. Of course he missed his sister and nephews. It was hard here, and he was not the only one in need of comfort. ]}

If it eases you, know that though we are here, the Castle, it is said, returns us to the time at which we were taken. For those we love, time has not passed at all and often our memories of this place are taken too.

[Thorin gives a weak smile at this.]

That is the only thought that comforts me now. I thank all the stars and Mahal above that the castle had that much heart at least. At least my nephews are not alone; though I still feel as though I abandoned them, somewhat.

You cannot blame yourself. No one comes here by choice. You cannot be blamed for circumstances you cannot control, my friend.

But they don't know it! I know it's silly, I know time stops for them back in my world, but I can't help but think on it. What if they feel abandoned? What if they are angry with me?

My sister trusted me with their safety - how can I say to her that I did my best to protect them when part of my time is spent here?

But did you do your best to protect them til you were taken? Now you must do your best to get back and that means surviving here. I do not think she could be mad.

I believe so...there were things I could have and should have done differently, I'll admit. But, they were alive, last I saw them - and happy.

Then that is all that matters. We cannot change our pasts, Thorin, only our futures.

[If anyone should know that, it should be Thorin Oakenshield.]

You're right, my friend. Thank you for talking some sense into this stubborn Dwarf.

Which I think gives more proof to my un-elf-likeness.

[Thorin stares before bursting into laughter.]

Aye, that it does!!

I think... your nephews would like it here. The hobbits have.

They might - if for no other reason because I am here. They are good, devoted boys.

[Strictly speaking, they're in their 70s, but Thorin will always refer to them as 'boys'.]

But I would not wish this place upon them - I fear what the castle would take from them. They have so little already.

It is not what the Castle would take that I fear.

_{[ If anything, the people here had hurt him the most in the time he
had spent on this world, and the ache of Felix flared bright and painful in
his chest. ]}

[Thorin knows of what Ashura speaks, and nods slowly to himself.]

Aye…I would not expose Fili and Kili to that either…no…those boys are far too pure to know that pain yet.

You're very welcome. I have been trapped here for more than a year, and my sister has come and gone twice. I can feel comfortable here and keep myself busy, but I will never forget what it has stolen.

... You cannot protect them forever, Thorin, only ease them through it and be there when they need it most.

But it is my job as their uncle, the one patriarchal figure they have left, to protect them to the best of my ability to the end of my days!

Do not get me wrong...I would not prefer to put them in a glass bottle and carry them with me - I want them to become good men of the world and have experiences that they can pass to their children.

....I just can't stand the idea of seeing them in pain...

Pain teaches us, Thorin. You know this. I know this. Better they feel it when you are there to help pick them up than feel it when your shield has finally fallen.

I suppose you are right - but it is hard to watch pain teach them when they have already been through so much.

[The loss of their father was a heavy one...]

But, you're right, I can't afford to be soft on them, lest they not learn anything from me.

Be their example, Thorin, the guiding light. Believe me, they will remember and be thankful in the years to come.

_{[ Having lost his own father, he had yearned greatly for such a
light... ]}

I hope so...

[There are no words to describe the love he feels for Kili and Fili. They are his nephews; they might as well be his sons. They saved him from plunging into complete despair when his father disappeared and his grandfather died.]

Mahal knows, they've saved my heavy heart plenty in the past. The least I can do is return the favor.

I am sure you will, Thorin. You are a dwarf of your word.

[The hobbit nodded, grateful that Thorin valued him as a member of the company and not baggage.]

We all miss our home, Thorin. More so for you, I know that. Yet, we will get back to Erebor somehow. I just know it.

[Thorin can't stop himself from heaving a slight sigh.]

I hope you're right, Bilbo. I certainly hope you're right...

[Oooooh she has a feeling he doesn't just mean little person. Based on his title and his speech he's an actual Dwarf... though not from her world. She briefly met the 7 Dwarves and they were kind of dicks.

She smiles]

Not long at all. I know it can be pretty confusing when you first get here. If you have any questions I'd be happy to give you a hand.

Edited (Whoops. She already said that.) 2013-09-21 13:01 (UTC)

Thanks lass, I appreciate the offer.

As I said before: If there's ever anything I can do for you as well, do not hesitate to ask.

[When kindness is paid to him, he likes to repay the favor. ...except when it's Elves...he hates Elves.]

[Bilbo hated seeing the dwarf prince so glum, so he stepped up and gave him a warm hug.]

I didn't sign that contract for nothing, Thorin. I will help you get back and that's a promise.

[Thorin pauses at the action, unsure what to do at first. He's rather caught off guard by it, but it is not unwelcome. Slowly he smiles and returns the hug.]

Thank you, Bilbo.

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Quest 2: On family [Written/Dictated]

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