103.5 - can you hear me? can you hear me now?

[hard_talker]

[it's ten PM, and Mark's resident neighbors with sensitive ears are gone! which means you all get treated to Leonard Cohen's gravelly ode to cynicism at FULL VOLUME this week! it goes on for ... well ... the whole tune, actually. all six minutes of it. and for a little while before it, and during, and a little while after, those of you in your rooms might hear the elevator dinging at the end of your hall.

by the time the music stops, and the needle comes off the vinyl with a little rustle, there's a smell slowly starting to permeate the residency areas. not just the castle proper, but all of the towers, too ...]

Goooooooooooood evening, Paradisa. Hey, any of you mind if I start sending the clinic staff around to do routine check-ups? Because I set something on FIRE last week, and all of two people bothered to say something about it. I think that's a new record, and those of you who ain't on the expedition? Well, I'm startin' to wonder if you might be DEAD. Let that be a warning to ye new bloods, James Hook, Chell, Rosalie, Merlin, and Penny... use your brain or lose your brain! We've had people droppin' like flies, this week ...

[speaking of flies, if you hadn't noticed that smell before, you should really be noticing it by now: it's strong, and it's RANK, and ... well, if any of you dare to investigate, it's even stronger in the hallway.

because there's a flaming paper bag sitting in one of two places: just outside the elevator, if you're in the castle proper, or right by the stairwell, if you're in a tower. someone's been busy]

Oh, and uh, tonight's broadcast is brought to you by the Fairyland Animal Shelter, who were kind enough to provide this week's DOOR PRIZES for all of you sheep out there in Castle Wonderfuck. I figured, since you all couldn't be bothered to give a shit, Hard Harry'd step up to the bar and give one FOR you.

[and with that? ON GOES THE MUSIC. happy Monday, residents.]

Comments

[eat_me_beat_me]

[Nora's just laughing her ass off.]

[holycraponacracker]

[Penny goes down to investigate and lets out a little yelp before running to get a blanket and smothering it. She opens the journal.

Sarcastically:] Welcome to the castle, Penny! Here's a flaming bag of crap!

[biggestdreamer]

Why.

[kungfuwitch]

[Phoebe makes a face, lighting some incense.]

I'm sorry I didn't notice your little roast last week, Mark. I've been a little busy lately.

dictated

[inmylight_commander]

You're setting things on fire inside the castle?

[So many shades of unimpressed. Also rethinking her last minute choice to join the expedition. She might be sicking Washington on you, kid.]

[mal_addict]

[Ugh that smell, between this and Tesla's alcohol concoction]

If I step outside my room today, am I going to like what I find? Because the smell I'm getting says 'no'.

This is a new level of rebellion for you.

[Mark]

Did setting that...whatever on fire help Nora at all?

dictated;

[valuedstrength]

[We're going to assume this is after he runs around cleaning, making sure there are no more fires, and takes a shower. Mark should be pretty used to people being angry with him by now over this. Steve is being perfectly reasonable about to his credit.]

I get that you're frustrated, but making the rest of us miserable isn't going to solve anything.

dictated;

[lord_wizard]

[Oh, he'd noticed the display last week but did his best to avoid it entirely. But THIS? This couldn't be ignored. He had had his reasons for keeping quiet before, and as much as he cared about Mark, that very familiar black anger surges to the surface and begs to be acknowledged.

He stalks down the hallway - it's late enough that he's down to nothing but a shirt and pants - and extinguishes the bag with an angry gesture]

I have to honestly say, Mark, you've sunk to a new low. [This doesn't sound like his usual brand of teasing compliment. Instead, it's quietly livid]

[dontpatr0nizeme]

... Really?

Do I need to get out a fire extinguisher and patrol the floors now?

Dictated

[wizard_redfive]

[Oh Mark, you're maturity level never ceases to amaze.]

I hate to break it to you Harry, but if you want people to come to your pyro party, don't schedule it for the night before the expedition.

[valuedstrength]

Sorry about the rude welcome, Penny. You can have drink on me at the Lux. [A beat.]

It's on the first floor.

[holycraponacracker]

Oh. That's... really nice of you. What's your name so I can find you?

dictated

[inafadingcrown]

[Normally, she doesn't bother answering these because it's beneath her, damn it. But this is far too irritating. So she answers, her voice just dripping with distain.]

Forgive us if we are not dramatic enough for your tastes, child. You frequently mistake subtly, patience, and propriety with apathy. What good have your antics done you? What progress have you made?

Do you truly believe that only those who make such displays feel strongly about this place?

[valuedstrength]

Steve Rogers and it's nothing. I got a warm welcome from the residents when I got here. It'd be nice if everyone got the same treatment.

[hard_talker]

[hey, he SAID he'd do it.

meanwhile, Mark's lighting up a few candles. did you really think he'd spare his own floor? no way]

[hard_talker]

Hey, it isn't my fault all your fellow residents are complacent sheep who put up with whatever this place throws at 'em.

[hard_talker]

Better question: why'd it take something like this to make you speak up?

[cyan_maid]

Those of us on the expedition are most certainly NOT dead! Travelling is a very time-consuming, nerve-wracking experience, especially when flying fish might leap out and hit you out of nowhere!!

[hard_talker]

[he winces, scrubbing a hand over his face] Look, Phoebe, I'm happy for you. I really am. But ... people are disappearing like Sno-Balls at a diabetics convention. Doesn't that even worry you just a little?

[hard_talker]

Oh come on, it's on stone floors. It's not like anything's gonna catch. If, for some stupid reason, every single person on a floor decides they can live with the smell? It'll just burn down until it runs outta fuel anyway.

[hard_talker]

The old level wasn't pinging on the radar anymore. I had to step up my game.

[Sarge]

Yeah, a little bit. [his tone's still pretty sullen, though, because really, Mal, "that whatever"?] It was an effigy. Of the castle. With fireworks in it.

[hard_talker]

[he'll thank you for that later, Steve, he truly will. for now, he just sounds exasperated] I'm not trying to solve anything, I'm just trying to get people to wake up and pay attention. This place is rotten, it's fucked up, and it's turning us all into zombies! Thing after thing after craptastic thing happens to us, and the more this place grinds us into the ground, eventually some people just start saying "yeah, hey, bring it on, I like it"!

If this is the kind of thing it takes to make people realize that it ain't just another day in paradise, so be it!

[hard_talker]

Hey, don't blame me, blame the sheep. ... The heck's your problem, tonight, man?

[he would've thought you'd be all over this. you're usually a fan of the rude humor and the grand gestures]

[hard_talker]

Depends, you think if you wait around long enough, the castle's gonna do it for you?

[kungfuwitch]

It does worry me. But don't you think there are other ways to go about trying to wake people up than, uh, stinking them out of the castle?