paradisa | ℒℒ 46

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lana lang

ℒℒ 46

[Private]

And here I had considered going to Arthur for advice, considering his strife with Morgana. Now he won't remember me, either?

Seeing Damon's face again was surreal. I felt like a stupid teenager who couldn't form two words in a row. Even still he reminds me of Adam, but that's not my first thought anymore. He hurt me in ways Adam never could, and now he gets the luxury of forgetting about it.

I keep getting forgotten or left behind. I know it's an age-old complaint here for everybody, but it's not just Paradisa. This place just condenses it more; makes it more obvious. Even back home, it's the same story. It's the story of my supposed future, even if Clark couldn't phrase it that way.

What can I do to combat it? How do I fight that kind of faceless enemy? No matter how much I train or how hard I work, it feels like a waste of time in the end. Like I'm waiting around for a chance to be useful, to make my mark, but it's not going to be presented to me.

Is it something Lana Luthor would seize, or Lana Lang?

[/Private]

[Friends/Acquaintances who knew the Salvatores]

In case you hadn't heard, Damon Salvatore is back in Paradisa. He doesn't have any memories of his time before, and he should only have a copy of the newer journal, so he probably won't find out about most of what he did or who he angered.

Unless you go out of your way to remind him, that is. [ WESLEY. ] I really would recommend leaving him alone for now, but it's up to you. There's no telling how he plans on tackling Paradisa this time.

[/Friends/Acquaintances who knew the Salvatores]

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We've spoken.

[Take that how you will, Lana. He has no doubt that she's probably been a bit blindsided by this. And that she will want to give Damon the benefit of the doubt. A fresh start. He's still not convinced that it's what the man deserves, but Wes has, at least, tried not to aggravate the situation too much.]

I saw part of it.

[ She says part because she's not stupid enough to believe he just said something and then dropped it. Mr. Know-It-All the Enforcer. ]

You made yourself a target. Why did you do that?

If you need anything, you know you can always ask me. [He doesn't say it as if she needs something now, but if she should ever. He just wants her to know that not everyone leaves her.]

I know.

[ He always offers, but she never knows what to say or ask. Mostly because she doesn't know what she wants ~~ever~~ yet. ]

Tess was the first to welcome him, though. She's probably the one you should keep an eye on.

Tess, much like yourself, can take care of herself.

I'm keeping an eye on him.

Because I'd prefer he make me a target than someone I care about. I just set some basic ground rules, Lana, nothing more. We came to an understanding of sorts.

We actually met. [She pauses] For the first time.

...You hadn't met before?

Are you okay?

By making yourself a target, you are making those you care about targets.

[ LIKE FRED, HELLO. But his words calm her down a little. ]

What understanding?

Not in person, no. And we only spoke the one time before everything... [Well, everything. And there wasn't going to be any dinner parties after. Her voice softens] I'm fine. Is it worth asking how you are?

[Not that the effort isn't worthwhile. This is more about the actual answer]

He's promised to behave. Which I am choosing to take at face value for now.

[Wesley still doesn't trust Damon as far as he can throw him, but he doesn't want to instigate another feud.]

We didn't discuss his previous offenses, since technically he didn't commit them, but I did make it clear that causing any trouble would be ill-advised. Especially since there are other powered beings here who might not take kindly to being preyed upon. He knows that we have vervain on hand and that the castle can supply him with blood whenever he needs it.

We also spoke about Stefan, Katherine and Klaus. The threats were kept to a minimum, I assure you.

Edited 2012-09-15 05:14 (UTC)

[ She's quiet at first, before finally clearing her throat. Knowing what Damon had done to everyone, and how he had threatened Fred, made it even harder for her to try and state her true feelings without sounding stupid or tactless. Nobody ever approved of how close she had been with Damon. ]

After giving it more thought, it's probably better that he can't remember anything, especially me. My decisions had...too much influence over him before. I was the reason he snapped and hurt people. I always had to worry about how I phrased things, and it still didn't matter sometimes.

So now that I'm...nothing again, I can try to observe and help without getting too close.

What do you mean he technically didn't commit them? Just because he doesn't remember...

Just be sure to keep it at a distance? Please? [ Wesley is already in his face, man... ]

According to Fred, there have been at least four versions of myself who have been brought here. From different points in my timeline.

I am not sure how accountable a person can be held for acts a previous version has committed during their stay here. It's the same person at their core, granted, but without those memories, you can see where it could become problematic. Even more so when different timelines need to be taken into account. Our memories make up an important element of who we are.

[Her mouth tightens at that word. Damon might be a situation unto himself, but it still tugs at something]

It's still something. Even if that is just whiplash.

[ Oh my good God Wesley you just opened a whole new can of worms. No matter how logical he makes it sound, or how she tries to follow and accept, it's too emotional for her to even try and accept that.

She's no stranger to the weirdness of timelines and how much strife it's caused among those from Smallville, Metropolis, or Gotham. Even hearing some things about herself in the future, she would love the cop-out of not accepting it since it really never happened for her. The same could apply in Paradisa.

But she thinks of Lex. Of Damon. Of others who would leave and forget, or who she would never see again. Those who would never get to suffer for their crimes. ]

I— I know all that. I've lived here before, and I've died here before, and I don't remember any of it.

But it happened. I know it happened because even what I can't remember, others do. The journals do. The people do.

If you talk like the bad stuff he did shouldn't matter or be held accountable, then you're saying the good moments are just as null.

[ Sweet Moses don't cry, Lana. ]

Something like that, yeah.

[Softly]

Lana.

[He can hear the taut distress in her voice and he wishes he'd never said anything at all. The last thing he wants to do is to upset her.]

That's not...of course it happened. And of course it matters. I never said that anything was null. I would never negate what happened to anyone, whether it was a horrendous moment or a profound or joyous one.

If Fred left and then returned and didn't remember what we'd shared here, it wouldn't change the fact that I would remember. Nor change the fact that we've had a child together here. Every precious moment we've had here is one we never would have had back home, considering the amount of time we have left.

[The thought of Fred being sent back to her death is something he can't bear to dwell on for too long. Sometimes he wonders if his death later on is a direct result of losing her. From what he's heard, he becomes a shell of a broken man.]

She has memories of me that I will never be able to reclaim. Apparently we had different child before and had even moved in briefly with each other before I was sent home. I can't even begin to imagine how hard it has been for her to see me come and go and not remember. Those experiences are not a part of me but for her, they are still important. God, Lana, I...

I haven't forgotten, or even forgiven what Damon did before. But to attempt to actively punish him for it now would be wrong, in my opinion. What I am choosing to do, is to not carry on a grudge which will only lead to more heartache. For everyone.

I don't know what good moments you shared with Damon. Quite frankly, it's none of my business. But I don't doubt that they were real, that they happened and mean something to you. It wasn't my intention to trivialise them.

Edited 2012-09-15 06:52 (UTC)

Was I not supposed to? I suppose being courteous to him just slipped my mind.

Unless someone tells him he will not find out. His old journal burnt, I saw to that.

[ HI LANA. ]

I was vague, if anything. In my experience, some conversations are better off not happening.

If there's anything else you would like me not to mention ...

[now would be the time, Lana.]

I cannot say I have plans to speak to him again.

[P.S., hi Lana.....]

...But apparently you had plans to speak to me again.

[ THIS IS AWKWARD TIMING FOREVER WHY??? ]

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