Allen Walker (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
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paradisa2012-09-24 09:52 pm
save_the_souls) wrote in paradisa2012-09-24 09:52 pm
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[Private]
[He received the letter from Kate with a ghost earlier in the day. Once he read it the first time, he didn't bother going to the castle to check. Nor did he use the journal to announce her absence. Too many times he had opened the journal to do just that. And for Kate...for Batwoman...it didn't feel right to do that. ]
[Instead, he read the letter over and over again. Until he could practically recite the content, word for word, from memory. Then he folded the letter up, putting it in his coat pocket near his chest...and begun to think. Think of what he should do now. ]
[It takes a little while until he comes to his solution. He finds a spare notebook, not the journal and with his best pen...he begins to write.]
Dear Batwoman,
Sorry if you prefer your real name, it always...to me, you always felt like Batwoman to me - even after I found our your real name. Perhaps it wasn't your intent, but...my image of you in my head is always your cowl.
I know we weren't close. But...you were an inspiration to me. I used to be always scorned or laughed at, because I couldn't bring myself to kill people. I always felt like I was...lesser than because I couldn't do those sorts of things. Like I couldn't save anyone because I wasn't willing to get my hands dirty.
But then...I met you. Tackling a mugger in the alleyway, incapacitating him like it was nothing. You did things your own way...you didn't let a no kill rule stop you from fighting for what was right. I always found it so incredible, how you would keep fighting, even if you had no powers and sometimes killing seemed to be the only way- that never stopped you. In a lot of ways...you made me realize that I wasn't weak, that maybe there was another way.
You say that I was always determined, but...it was people like you and the other people of your world...Dick, Stephanie, Tim...that made me keep going, that made me not give up or become something I wasn't. Even if we didn't always see eye to eye, I'm always grateful for the things you taught me.
I don't know how you'll ever see this letter but...I thought it was best to at least..try to write it out.
Please, take care.
Allen Walker
PS: I never blamed you for what happened that summer.
[He finishes the letter and looks back in it. In a way, it felt cathartic. Writing out the words and feelings as best as he could, instead of keeping them locked up as he's been doing all these months. After a moment, he turns to a new page in the notebook]
Dr. House-
I figured you'd mock me for writing dear by your name...honestly, you'd probably mock me for writing at all. That's how you always are. You probably couldn't go a day without mocking someone if your life depended on it. You were certainly an arse.
...Even so, thank you. For everything you did, for all the time you put up with me. You were a brilliant doctor, and even if the rest of the clinic thinks I'm insane for saying this...you were a good teacher. Maybe I'm too used to my Master, but you treated me as an adult and not a young boy. And I learned a lot.
I found the bag you stashed in the Icee machine. It made me smile, even if you'd roll your eyes to know that. I'm going to keep working at the clinic, maybe hound another person into giving me more lessons -- more than first aid, of course. Maybe I'll never be as good as you, but I'll still make sure to do my best not to embarrass you from worlds away.
...You gave me a purpose, a way to keep going, just when I had thought I had nothing. And for that, I'm more thankful than you'd probably ever like to hear. Luckily, you won't be seeing this letter.
Try not to piss off the wrong person and get yourself killed,
Walker
[And he turns to another page]
Dear Lenalee,
I'm sorry we only got to meet again briefly. I miss you a lot. You're one of my closest friend, even if there's so many things you can no longer remember about us and our time here. That doesn't mean a thing to me, because you're still always Lenalee.
I'm sorry...that I'll be disappearing on you back home. I don't know the circumstances, but I'm going to do everything I can to see you again, I know it. Just...try not to hit too hard when I see you again?
Who am I kidding, I probably deserve it.
I love you Lenalee. You and the rest of the Order. Whatever happens, that won't change. We will meet again. I know it.
Love,
Allen
[And another page]
Dear Gwaine,
You're an idiot. But..you're my friend. Thank you..for doing so much for me, for always sticking with me. I know I did a lot of things that didn't merit your friendship. And I know I didn't always return the feelings in ways that I should have.
I'm sorry for that. I regret that it's only now do I realise just what a truly wonderful friend I had.
Please take care of yourself. Not for Arthur's sake, but for your own.
Your friend,
Allen
PS: You're still not my mum. I can't go that far, I'm sorry.
[There's a long pause before he does so, but he turns another page]
Dear Teresa,
I miss you so much. I must admit, I keep going to your room when I'm sad, thinking you'll be there. It grieves me every time I see that it's not your name on the door. I...feel lost often, without you.
I keep thinking that I should have spent more time with you, I knew we were growing apart but I should have tried harder anyway.
...You were always like a mother to me. Like I never had before. Even if I never said it directly to you, I know in my heart it's the truth. When I even try to imagine a mother, you're the one that always comes into my mind.
I'll never forget the things you taught me, and the kindness you showed me. Thank you for leaving me your sword, I'll make sure to use it with pride and that it never rusts. I know you'd hate it if I never used it. So don't worry about that.
I can only pray that you weren't sent home, but instead you and Clare are out there somewhere, happy. If so - I hope we meet again.
Love,
Allen
[And then...one more page]
Dear Arthur,
This one is a little strange...since you are both here and gone, from my point of view. Here in body, but...what we had was long since lost. So perhaps this isn't a letter to you so much as...to who you once were.
I love you.
Even today, I still do. I'm not sure I'll ever stop loving you. The years we had together, before...they were some of the happiest I ever had.
But those days are gone. I realise that now. And I have to keep walking, instead of looking back at them. I have a path I need to make, and I've stalled for long enough.
Maybe one day our paths will intertwine again, maybe not. I would always welcome your company back, even...if things can never be the same again.
But whatever happens...don't stop, okay? Open your prat eyes sometimes and have a look at the world around you, whether it's Earth of Paradisa. You like to think you're so smart, so knowledgeable...but I've never met anyone so naive about the world. It always saddened me a little. Yes, perhaps part of that is you didn't see what could be so bad about the worlds...but you didn't fully see and appreciate how beautiful and wonderful they could be too.
I hope you do one day. Even if I'm not there to see it.
Thank you for everything, and I hope our paths cross again.
Love,
Allen Walker
[With the letters done, he shuts the notebook and shuts his eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath as the feelings that have been pent up leave him. A tear or two roll down his cheeks, but he still smiles]
I suppose...that's that.
[Peeta]
[Sometime later, he'll filter, sounding much more cheerful]
Um, hello Peeta!
Are you busy?
[Uru]
Hello Uru!
Ah...[a pause; crap, he forgot the reason he filtered beyond wanting to talk to her again]
Um- how are you?
[Percy]
Hello Percy!
Um...I was wondering if you were still interested in sparring sometime.
[Ino and Jr.]
[a pause before he dictates]
Um...hello you two.
Thank you for the other night...I'm sorry if I was bothering you.
Anyway, I was wondering...um...
I was wondering if it would be all right...if I moved back there, with you two.
-- Ah! It's all right if it's not! I mean if the rooms are filled, then it's fine!
I was just...wondering.
[He received the letter from Kate with a ghost earlier in the day. Once he read it the first time, he didn't bother going to the castle to check. Nor did he use the journal to announce her absence. Too many times he had opened the journal to do just that. And for Kate...for Batwoman...it didn't feel right to do that. ]
[Instead, he read the letter over and over again. Until he could practically recite the content, word for word, from memory. Then he folded the letter up, putting it in his coat pocket near his chest...and begun to think. Think of what he should do now. ]
[It takes a little while until he comes to his solution. He finds a spare notebook, not the journal and with his best pen...he begins to write.]
Dear Batwoman,
Sorry if you prefer your real name, it always...to me, you always felt like Batwoman to me - even after I found our your real name. Perhaps it wasn't your intent, but...my image of you in my head is always your cowl.
I know we weren't close. But...you were an inspiration to me. I used to be always scorned or laughed at, because I couldn't bring myself to kill people. I always felt like I was...lesser than because I couldn't do those sorts of things. Like I couldn't save anyone because I wasn't willing to get my hands dirty.
But then...I met you. Tackling a mugger in the alleyway, incapacitating him like it was nothing. You did things your own way...you didn't let a no kill rule stop you from fighting for what was right. I always found it so incredible, how you would keep fighting, even if you had no powers and sometimes killing seemed to be the only way- that never stopped you. In a lot of ways...you made me realize that I wasn't weak, that maybe there was another way.
You say that I was always determined, but...it was people like you and the other people of your world...Dick, Stephanie, Tim...that made me keep going, that made me not give up or become something I wasn't. Even if we didn't always see eye to eye, I'm always grateful for the things you taught me.
I don't know how you'll ever see this letter but...I thought it was best to at least..try to write it out.
Please, take care.
Allen Walker
PS: I never blamed you for what happened that summer.
[He finishes the letter and looks back in it. In a way, it felt cathartic. Writing out the words and feelings as best as he could, instead of keeping them locked up as he's been doing all these months. After a moment, he turns to a new page in the notebook]
Dr. House-
I figured you'd mock me for writing dear by your name...honestly, you'd probably mock me for writing at all. That's how you always are. You probably couldn't go a day without mocking someone if your life depended on it. You were certainly an arse.
...Even so, thank you. For everything you did, for all the time you put up with me. You were a brilliant doctor, and even if the rest of the clinic thinks I'm insane for saying this...you were a good teacher. Maybe I'm too used to my Master, but you treated me as an adult and not a young boy. And I learned a lot.
I found the bag you stashed in the Icee machine. It made me smile, even if you'd roll your eyes to know that. I'm going to keep working at the clinic, maybe hound another person into giving me more lessons -- more than first aid, of course. Maybe I'll never be as good as you, but I'll still make sure to do my best not to embarrass you from worlds away.
...You gave me a purpose, a way to keep going, just when I had thought I had nothing. And for that, I'm more thankful than you'd probably ever like to hear. Luckily, you won't be seeing this letter.
Try not to piss off the wrong person and get yourself killed,
Walker
[And he turns to another page]
Dear Lenalee,
I'm sorry we only got to meet again briefly. I miss you a lot. You're one of my closest friend, even if there's so many things you can no longer remember about us and our time here. That doesn't mean a thing to me, because you're still always Lenalee.
I'm sorry...that I'll be disappearing on you back home. I don't know the circumstances, but I'm going to do everything I can to see you again, I know it. Just...try not to hit too hard when I see you again?
Who am I kidding, I probably deserve it.
I love you Lenalee. You and the rest of the Order. Whatever happens, that won't change. We will meet again. I know it.
Love,
Allen
[And another page]
Dear Gwaine,
You're an idiot. But..you're my friend. Thank you..for doing so much for me, for always sticking with me. I know I did a lot of things that didn't merit your friendship. And I know I didn't always return the feelings in ways that I should have.
I'm sorry for that. I regret that it's only now do I realise just what a truly wonderful friend I had.
Please take care of yourself. Not for Arthur's sake, but for your own.
Your friend,
Allen
PS: You're still not my mum. I can't go that far, I'm sorry.
[There's a long pause before he does so, but he turns another page]
Dear Teresa,
I miss you so much. I must admit, I keep going to your room when I'm sad, thinking you'll be there. It grieves me every time I see that it's not your name on the door. I...feel lost often, without you.
I keep thinking that I should have spent more time with you, I knew we were growing apart but I should have tried harder anyway.
...You were always like a mother to me. Like I never had before. Even if I never said it directly to you, I know in my heart it's the truth. When I even try to imagine a mother, you're the one that always comes into my mind.
I'll never forget the things you taught me, and the kindness you showed me. Thank you for leaving me your sword, I'll make sure to use it with pride and that it never rusts. I know you'd hate it if I never used it. So don't worry about that.
I can only pray that you weren't sent home, but instead you and Clare are out there somewhere, happy. If so - I hope we meet again.
Love,
Allen
[And then...one more page]
Dear Arthur,
This one is a little strange...since you are both here and gone, from my point of view. Here in body, but...what we had was long since lost. So perhaps this isn't a letter to you so much as...to who you once were.
I love you.
Even today, I still do. I'm not sure I'll ever stop loving you. The years we had together, before...they were some of the happiest I ever had.
But those days are gone. I realise that now. And I have to keep walking, instead of looking back at them. I have a path I need to make, and I've stalled for long enough.
Maybe one day our paths will intertwine again, maybe not. I would always welcome your company back, even...if things can never be the same again.
But whatever happens...don't stop, okay? Open your prat eyes sometimes and have a look at the world around you, whether it's Earth of Paradisa. You like to think you're so smart, so knowledgeable...but I've never met anyone so naive about the world. It always saddened me a little. Yes, perhaps part of that is you didn't see what could be so bad about the worlds...but you didn't fully see and appreciate how beautiful and wonderful they could be too.
I hope you do one day. Even if I'm not there to see it.
Thank you for everything, and I hope our paths cross again.
Love,
Allen Walker
[With the letters done, he shuts the notebook and shuts his eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath as the feelings that have been pent up leave him. A tear or two roll down his cheeks, but he still smiles]
I suppose...that's that.
[Peeta]
[Sometime later, he'll filter, sounding much more cheerful]
Um, hello Peeta!
Are you busy?
[Uru]
Hello Uru!
Ah...[a pause; crap, he forgot the reason he filtered beyond wanting to talk to her again]
Um- how are you?
[Percy]
Hello Percy!
Um...I was wondering if you were still interested in sparring sometime.
[Ino and Jr.]
[a pause before he dictates]
Um...hello you two.
Thank you for the other night...I'm sorry if I was bothering you.
Anyway, I was wondering...um...
I was wondering if it would be all right...if I moved back there, with you two.
-- Ah! It's all right if it's not! I mean if the rooms are filled, then it's fine!
I was just...wondering.
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