paradisa | ✟ iii

Envy.

If God hates envy with such passion, then why would He place me in such a role in life? Dangle so much in front of me? As if it is not enough to give Juan what should be mine, as if it is not enough for this world to force me into what the Holy Father has designated as mine

[The writing is suddenly jagged as Cesare attempts to yank his ring off again.]

And now Lucrezia has grown up, has flown past me and, it would seem, away from me. Soon we will be separated, I fear, and though I have always known that she is not mine to keep away, I would not lose her here in this world, where the evil is not in man but in magical creatures and demons.

I have been invisible and I have watched.

Perhaps this is what God knows, what God is.

"Dominus Deus tuus fortis zelotes visitans iniquitatem patrum in filiis in tertiam et quartam generationem eorum qui oderunt me."

If our God is a jealous one, then why is envy a mortal sin?