⇒ 87

[ofhope]

[Spike, Alice, Penny, Sherlock, Tohru]

[ Whenever any of them return, they'll find a simple, hand-made card slipped underneath their doors. It will have candy cane stickers and a child-like doodle of them and Santa Claus with egg nog and cookies, with a simple 'Merry Christmas. ~J.C.' written underneath. ]

[/Spike, Alice, Penny, Sherlock, Tohru]

[Colette Brunel]

[ Left on her doorstep is a wrapped package, with this ensemble neatly folded up inside. There's a note folded within the garments that says; ]

'They might never know that you were their savior, but I will never forget that you were mine. With this, you needn't worry about ever freezing.'

[/Colette Brunel]

[Lucrezia Borgia]

[ One more package for a doorstep, or rather a short stack of packages, each one revealing one gift after another, before the note left at the bottom can be found; ]

'Look outside.'

[/Lucrezia Borgia]

Comments

[heloise]

[ Lucrezia has come to enjoy the gifts she's received here, mostly gestures with no expectations or favors to be owed. The presents aren't for the Pope's daughter so much as they are for her, from her friends. The sentiment still feels unfamiliar.

So the packages are met with a giddy smile. She carries the stack to her room to go through each with a little giggle to match. She has one of the earrings on when she finally finds the note. The list grows shorter, but what is a little look outside compared to all the dresses and trinkets in those boxes?

She heads for the window, the other earring in her palm. ]

[ofhope]

[ Boo!

No seriously, he's hovering outside her window with his arms folded over the outer sill, looking rather impish and drawing hearts on the frosted glass with a fingertip because it's not like he's been bored hanging out waiting for her to show up this whole ti— Oh wait.

When he sees her, he stops drawing hearts and carefully traces out beneath them (do you know how hard it is to write backwards?) 'O N E M O R E'. ]

[heloise]

[ Lucrezia laughs, which sounds louder than usual and hollow, echoing off the empty room. She spares one look over her shoulder while walking toward the window, taking her time to put on the other earring.

Once there, she traces a zigzag line across one of his hearts, biting back a grin. ]

[ofhope]

[ He's quick to shake his head, reaching up to wipe at what he's done with his sleeve, before breathing against the glass to trace again.

'O N E M O R E'.

He considers, then writes underneath it.

'F O R H I M

T E L L M E'. ]

[heloise]

[ Lucrezia chuckles to herself at this guessing game, leaning closer so she can place one palm against the glass. Though her smile fades at the words that come after. ]

What would you have me tell you? [ Because she thinks he can hear her even through the glass. ]

[ofhope]

[ He can, since the window isn't sound proof, though he doesn't respond right away, instead tracing along the shape of her hand before letting his own settle over it, with nothing but chilled glass between.

Her hands really are so small. ]

What you desire most. What he desires most. It should be the same thing, shouldn't it?

[heloise]

[ Lucrezia watches their hands, tightening her jaw to keep whatever emotions buried far below her skin. Her breathing is steady, intentional. She closes her eyes and leans her forehead against the cool glass to think.

Everyone desires most what they can't have. And it is the same thing. ]

I want joy, warmth. Innocence.

[ofhope]

[ Joshua knows better than anyone that innocence cannot be regained once lost. And Lucrezia had lost more than that since going home, he could tell. He could see it in her eyes, in the way she breathed, walked, tilted her head.

The way her words were blunt and hidden all at once. ]

Peace, then?

[heloise]

[ She curls her hand against the glass so she can trace the lines on his palm, etching them to memory. She doesn't answer for a long while. ]

Why the presents, Joshua?

[ofhope]

[ The answer seems obvious enough to him, and he smiles again just a touch. ]

Because it's Christmas, and a princess should dress like one. Don't I get to see?

[heloise]

[ Lucrezia grins, all bashful. She plays the act so well, but when she looks up, her smile is sly and weighed with the possibilities that would play out if she does this or that.

She reaches for the window latch so she can swing one of the leaves open. ]

[ofhope]

[ Joshua drops his hand away then, wings spanning out so he can draw away just a few inches. Getting his fingers caught or his face hit by an opening window might not be the best thing ever.

He's surprisingly patient, leaving it to her to open it if she wishes. ]

[heloise]

[ The wings steal her attention for a moment, before she remembers to open the window wide enough for him to crawl in if he wishes to. The winter draft makes her shiver a moment, not that it makes much difference now in the ice castle.

Lucrezia offers him a hand to hold. ]

The other present to come will be for him, then?

[ofhope]

[ The wings shimmer and fade as Joshua takes the invitation to slip inside, pulling the window shut behind him when he sees her shiver. Some snow flakes remain dusting his shoulders and his hair, but the cold doesn't seem to bother him in the least.

He takes her hand, fingers twining with hers, and starts to pull her back to where the pile of gifts lay. ]

That's for you to decide. I only know what to look for in you, not in him. So tell me what will bring peace, and joy, and warmth.

I think innocence is lost on all of us.

[heloise]

[ Lucrezia holds his hand tight and stops midway. This feels like a taste of innocence despite what he might say; she was brighter when she met him. She could be again if he sees her thus.

She is only a trick of the light. ]

He wants the same, for me. He would be pleased to see me joyful. [ And innocent most of all. ]

[ofhope]

[ Stopped in the center, Joshua loosens his grip but doesn't let go, observing her stance with a neutral look. ]

But he thinks I could never make you joyful. He thinks I'd taint you, doesn't he? He wants me to be non-existant, or to be somebody else, but that's impossible.

[heloise]

[ Lucrezia shakes her head slowly and places a thumb over his lips, less to silence him and more to know how it feels. ]

You made him jealous.

[ofhope]

[ At that, he smiles again, as genuinely as a broken being like him is capable of. It will always be somewhat ghostly, just as his gaze and his movements, but lucidity is close enough to make him understand. ]

Is there reason for him to be?

[heloise]

[ Lucrezia watches his mouth move and mimics him a little, like an echo. ]

You mean only to keep me safe, do you not? You promised to keep me warm.

[ofhope]

[ He reaches with his other hand to cover hers, though only for a moment before letting his fingertips trail down her arm, and up to her shoulder, where he brushes her long hair back to reveal her neck. ]

Only there. It would have been your very own castle, where you could pick and choose who stayed and who went. You could have had all of the rooms, all of the warmth, and shared nothing.

[heloise]

[ Make believe is what keeps her going most days. Lucrezia stifles her smile. ]

Will you take me dancing on its roof? Name the castle after me?

[ofhope]

[ Tracing up the side of her neck with a fingertip, then brushing back down with his knuckle, Joshua nods. More than half of his world is make believe. He sees what he wants, plays how he wants, takes all he wants. ]

You'd be queen, then, and I'd be your servant.

[heloise]

[ Lucrezia swallows at the gravity of his offer. She is only learning to craft her words and smiles as weapons, armors, and the bounty still takes unsettles her. Like a crown much too large and magnificent for her imagining.

She places a hand on the side of his face, then leans in to place a kiss on his lips. ]

[ofhope]

[ His eyes flutter shut at the gesture, hand slipping behind her neck to gently pull Lucrezia upward and closer so he can, surprise surprise, kiss her back. It isn't deep, or even passionate, but it hints promises of both in the future, shaped in the form of a whispered name against her own soft lips. ]

[heloise]

[ Like a prayer, Lucrezia thinks, and smiles to herself.

His restraint touches her more than his response. Promises bury deeper in the heart and after everything she still wants gentleness, sweetness, silences and slow dances.

She pulls back to place her cheek against his. ]

All these, give it to him and it could be mine.

[ofhope]

[ He opens his eyes, looking past her shoulder to the window beyond, and once again considers. Always considering. Too much, really. Joshua misses action, and perhaps that's why he accepts this.

Fingers running through her hair, Joshua watches the golden locks fall away one by one when he reaches the end. Again, he imagines. ]

Do I have to serve him?

[heloise]

[ Lucrezia presses her nose against his shoulder, one hand on his arm, content to stay. ]

I would not ask it against your wish.

[ofhope]

I don't wish for it.

[ Joshua will be honest about that, at least. He holds no love for Cesare, though he holds no animosity towards him either, despite his banishment of their association.

He needs to respect someone he's willing to serve, and that either takes time, or strength. ]

But I can play pretend.

[heloise]

[ And aren't we all playing pretend much too often?

She nods, drawing back while letting one hand linger against his cheek. ]

Now I must let you go.

[ofhope]

But I haven't seen you in your present.

[heloise]

[ Lucrezia takes his hand in hers and inspects it, weighing her choices. ]

You will.

[ofhope]

[ He seems content enough with this, willing to hold her to it. So Joshua nods and lifts her hand to his lips, though the kiss doesn't quite touch her knuckles. ]

Then I'll go.

[heloise]

[ Lucrezia rewards him with her brightest smile yet, the one she now knows would earn her dresses, castles, human hearts.

She takes his hand and leads him to the window, slowly. There is no real hurry. ]

[ofhope]

[ No, and he finds himself reluctant to go, though not enough to force his presence on her. Joshua doesn't need to be in the room to watch her, or nearby to hear her.

The touching, though, is a plus. Or rather, someone seeking his touch, and returning it. He's grown unaccustomed to it during his stay here, and that is why his steps are sluggish as he trails behind. ]

Lucrezia...

[heloise]

[ Lucrezia notices his hesitation, expects it. She knows how to dictate the terms of a meeting without so many words and knows too that he's the one shortchanged now. Maybe he would always be and it would be kinder of her to stop this here.

She squeezes his hand and stops to wait. ]

[ofhope]

[ He tugs her backwards, then, keeping her hand in his off to the side while winding his other arm around her waist. Joshua doesn't request anything; he just holds her there, thumb brushing the skirt's fabric and cheek nestled against the top of her head.

Because no matter what, she could be gone tomorrow, and so could he. The least he can do is remember the simple feel of her, the soft floral scent clinging to her skin, the unmistakable beating of her heart...

He can see their reflection in the window, though the darkness forces a silhouette, and the details of their faces are lost. For reasons known only to him, this makes him smile, and he lets her go. ]

[heloise]

[ Lucrezia is pliable, all loose-limbed and yielding. She fits in the nook under his neck easily, one hand against his chest and the other shifting to intertwine their fingers.

His heartbeat is strangely normal, human, and if she closes her eyes, he could be someone else more fragile. More vulnerable. She thinks she loves others as much as she thinks them capable of returning the sentiment.

His eyes gleam in the dark at certain angles. ]

Do I bring you joy?

[ofhope]

[ Joshua's smile is thin, then, hinting at other thoughts but never quite revealing what. ]

You bring me warmth.

[heloise]

[ Lucrezia's had her share of evasive answers, but she doesn't mind this one so much. She fiddles with and straightens his shirt. ]

So will you.

[ofhope]

[ Oh well that's beyond nostalgic, having his clothes straightened, even if it's not with the same intention of making him presentable. At least he wore his tie tonight, it was a special occasion, after all.

More-so than he'd actually expected, admittedly. ]

When you wear your present?

[heloise]

[ Lucrezia bites back a smile and lets her hand linger on his chest. ]

Shall I make a promise?

[ofhope]

[ Joshua reaches under her chin to tip her head back a touch, gaze surprisingly lucid as he looks down at her. Seeing her.

Nobody knows how difficult it is for him to see any woman. To see her face, and not what he imagines his sister's to be. ]

You mustn't break a promise, so you can't make one lightly.

[heloise]

[ Lucrezia stares back unflinching, because she isn't afraid anymore. She thinks that is more to his credit than hers.

She rests her hands on his wrist, the one now on her chin. ]

So you know I cannot make any yet.

[ofhope]

Yet.

[ He leans down, but his lips touch to her forehead instead, lingering there a moment longer than needed. His knuckles trail gently along her jawline, thumb brushing against her earlobe and along the brilliant red earring with approval.

It's enough for now.

Knowing he's drawn this out longer than necessary, Joshua pulls back, and turns for the window. ]

[heloise]

[ Lucrezia recognizes that as a possessive gesture. An unspoken promise to dote and protect, and she allows him this fancy.

She follows him to the window though, hovering and hesitating. ]

There are other promises I have made that I must keep.

[ofhope]

[ He turns sideways to eye her, not smiling, but a mischievous glint in his eye nonetheless. Almost as if urging her on, he flicks the window open. ]

I know.

[heloise]

[ Lucrezia pouts a little, she did want it to be a surprise somewhat, but she supposes this would hurt less if he knew it was coming.

She steps closer, mimicking his mischief ]

Fly, Joshua. [ and shoves him hard out the window! ]

[ofhope]

[ Well, Lucrezia's stronger than Joshua gave her credit for! But he can't let her have all the fun, since he's the one drawing the short straw here. He drops instead, out of sight, like anyone would when shoved out of a high tower to their gruesome death.

But by the time she might look down, even a second later, there's nobody there. Just an imprint with wide wings in the snow covering the roof below—a true snow angel. ]

[heloise]

[ Joshua darling, you'll always be drawing the short straw when it comes to her.

Lucrezia squints her eyes at the distance first, trying to find a receding figure against the sky, before she notices the snow angel far below. There is a tingle in her chest like the fear of falling or the desire to fly.

She closes the window only when the frosty winds have calmed her down and her hands felt numb. ]