Jenny Sparks (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
20thcentury) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
paradisa2013-01-01 12:43 am
20thcentury) wrote in paradisa2013-01-01 12:43 am
Entry tags:
☇fourteen.
[private ; written]
You can't even feel it anymore, girl. How it was to die. You've beaten it out of your system with sex and drink, haven't you? Until the clock started ticking again; until you looked at a calendar. Looked in a mirror.
One hundred years is old. One hundred one is unreasonable. You've cheated your expiry date by months. Dead in January, alive in March, still kicking in January again. An addition to your limited shelf life, unasked for and unwarranted by all accounts.
But for what purpose? This isn't Earth. This isn't even the right century -- it's no century at all. Do you protect all those people even if you don't have to? Well, of course you do, you silly cow. Who else will? But these people aren't yours. This world isn't yours. You don't belong. But neither do they, and maybe that's why you're here. You've done your job, but retirement isn't in the cards, because what else is there? You didn't ask for it and you didn't want it, but you're here. Just like life on Earth, really. You're here until you're not. And what you do in the middle is all that matters.
[...]
I held my breath when the clock ticked to midnight, and I'm still breathing after. But for how long?
Happy birthday, Jenny.
You can't even feel it anymore, girl. How it was to die. You've beaten it out of your system with sex and drink, haven't you? Until the clock started ticking again; until you looked at a calendar. Looked in a mirror.
One hundred years is old. One hundred one is unreasonable. You've cheated your expiry date by months. Dead in January, alive in March, still kicking in January again. An addition to your limited shelf life, unasked for and unwarranted by all accounts.
But for what purpose? This isn't Earth. This isn't even the right century -- it's no century at all. Do you protect all those people even if you don't have to? Well, of course you do, you silly cow. Who else will? But these people aren't yours. This world isn't yours. You don't belong. But neither do they, and maybe that's why you're here. You've done your job, but retirement isn't in the cards, because what else is there? You didn't ask for it and you didn't want it, but you're here. Just like life on Earth, really. You're here until you're not. And what you do in the middle is all that matters.
[...]
I held my breath when the clock ticked to midnight, and I'm still breathing after. But for how long?
Happy birthday, Jenny.