PARADISA

ReMask 005 - Dictated

2012-09-05T18:41:42Z

Posted by: crownless_king

Gooooood morning boys, girls, Reno and robots! Today is a lovely little day this side of the magical planescape. I'm Travis, but you already know that, here to bring you some good cheer. Why is that?

Well first, let me go on the record one last time. The DeathMatch, the best fucking place in all of Paradisa, is hiring. Bartenders and bouncers, which means ample opportunity to knock heads and knock back drinks. It's so fucking awesome, we got a ninja and an Italian gigolo working here. I mean you can't beat that, right? Ninjas and Italian gigolos. The only thing missing is a robot.

And you, of course.

But hey, I get it. You want the booze and brawls without the menial labor. Well then this is where the news gets great. Because in five days time, the DeathMatch officially reopens for business! Better than ever and fit to burst with all the entertainment your stunned ass could ever want. And to celebrate, we're gonna be holding a big party on the night. We'll have everything from free drinks, to activities like "Pin the explosion on Superboy Prime's face" and "Dunk the Azula cosplayer".

So mark the calendar! Five days from today! September 10th!

And there you go. Now back to your regularly scheduled...castleness.

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ReMask 004 - dictated

2012-08-30T18:48:29Z

Posted by: crownless_king

You know, I think I finally get what this fucking place is missing. It just fucking hit me, like a rocket propelled bird smashing into a glass house.

[A moment, then in writing:]

Note to self: Strap a rocket to a bird and loose at glass house. Record results.

[Dictated again]

Anyways yeah, it just hit...

PS: Put on CastleNet. Get million views and all the CastleTube money.

Anyways! This place and what it's missing? A soundtrack! I mean really, it's so goddamn obvious, like a big ol boob window on a tight latex costume. This place needs themes and tracks for the different stages and antics that occur around and about it. Heroic themes for when people like yours truly gets to be a big goddamn hero, or for seeing off the brigade of adventurers and misfits as they hit the old dusty and explore. Sad themes for when people go home, get killed, or accidentally destroy the microwave again.

Each of us? We need our own theme song. I've got my own, but the rest of you are fucking shameful, so that needs fixing.

No, I'm serious about this. There has to be enough musically inclined bastards here that we can put together a good and proper soundtrack for this place. It'll liven it right the fuck up, and who doesn't love stirring musical numbers anyways? Plus, if we got any real good singers, we could even record a proper opening and closing song. Something catchy and endearing that gets badly translated into other languages.

I dunno. Maybe something about hands, mine or otherwise...or sanctuaries...or things simple and/or clean? Look, that shit is all drawing board, we'll come back to it.

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So you want to be a Deathmatch Employee?

2012-08-05T18:42:40Z

Posted by: crownless_king

[Good afternoon Paradisians. Are you enjoying your quiet Sunday afternoon? Yes? Well too bad. Because the journal opens up and there is the sound of a boombox being turned on to turn on this this little unknown medley at extremely high volumes to get your attention. But don’t worry, after the opening part it will be turned down so the players of this can give the announcement they need]

In the beginning...there was fuck all! Then came a brave soul, who opened a wondrous place of drinking goodness and brawls. And somewhere along the lines, it was abandoned. Well, it’s back, baby! And as I’m presently waxing crimson all over it, that means it’s time to recruit some of you suckers!

[Wait. Looks back]

I don’t actually want to call them suckers, do I?

Proooobably not...think of something nicer.

Something nicer...[Snaps his fingers] Got it! [And properly addressing the book again] It’s time to recruit some of you silly goats!

( Cut for Length )

[OOC: Red is Reno, Darkish orange color sorta...kinda is Travis. Come apply to the Deathmatch!]

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ReMask 003

2012-07-31T19:57:17Z

Posted by: crownless_king

You know, it's funny. I can't shake the feeling the whole "mom" thing is a running gag of sorts. You know, something that continues past the realm of this one and the next. Sort of a full reaching kind of thing. Like someone, somewhere, somehow, perpetuates this concept of my rugged, awesome, ridiculously badass self being the "mother" in some respect.

[beat]

Heh, it just struck me...in less than two months, I have rocked a toga and ranked maternal. I'm starting to wonder if the Wonderfuck Castle is trying to tell me something. Maybe some introspective type shit or something. Who knows, maybe it changed since I went home and/or to summer camp for Gods or whatever. I dunno, has it guys? Is Paradisa all grown up and plays nice with the other little cosmic horror kidnapping world beasts? Or...whatever this place is and/or is not.

[There's a momentary pause, some shuffling going on. Something sounds like it's rolling, and there's a very quiet "rip" in the background too.]

Or it could still be made of ass. Can't get too optimistic here. And there we go.

[shuffle shuffle shuffle...and flush. Yes. You're hearing a toilet flushing now.

Yes, he did just admit to a toilet epiphany. And as the flushing ends, the book is shut and the sounds of game saving comes to an end]

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ReMask 002

2012-07-07T03:09:40Z

Posted by: crownless_king

( Filtered to Reno )

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Remask 001

2012-06-27T23:22:23Z

Posted by: crownless_king

Paradisa? Let's you and I have a little chat.

[The following is written into the book. With a soldering iron.]

THE FUCK WAS THAT SHIT!?

[And we're back to dictating]

I really hope you feel what these journals do cause I was doing that as hard as I could. But seriously, could you just drop me a quick explanation on what the sweet nugety fuck happened to me between when I left and when I returned? And I mean actually returned, not those last two times that are officially non-canon!

When did camp come into things?! Why was I in a toga for all two (well technically it was one and a half) years of it!? And why was I the upbeat happy protagonist type kid, huh? Good fuck, I'm surprised I didn't sparkle in direct sunlight! Oh wait, can I even say that now? Hey, fourth wall, are you...

[Silence. It dawns on him what has happened. What has occurred. He's been trolled by Paradisa and the fourth wall.]

...oh. Oh I see what you two did. Well fucking played.

Two years, Paradisa! Two! Years! Toga! Camp! Happy fun adventure trio! ...though I did get to see Cassie's ass on a regular basis, which is boss as hell. But then there was no internet, which brings me back to rage! And exclamation marks! And liberal use of a soldering iron!

[Stabby burny! And then a deep breath]

I need a fucking drink.

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