[04] Dictated

[brohoof]

So I guess it's high time I came out of the hole I've been living in for the past month or so. S'up, Para. Bet you thought I wasn't around anymore, huh? Sorry to disappoint. But can we all at least agree one one thing? The month of February is by far the worst month to ever have the audacity to become a month. A shitty month in a shitty castle, I shouldn't actually be surprised. Glad it's fuckin' over, though. As if March is any better, though. As if any month is actually good in this shithole.

Am I bitter? You bet your ass I am.

Anyway, doesn't matter. Bitching ain't gonna change a god damn thing, so why bother? That's probably what this castle wants anyway. Me to bitch about my abysmal existence just to feed it's weird angst fetish. I would probably be better off just going back into my self-made exile just so I wouldn't be playing into the castle's hand.

But I'm not going to. You're stuck with me. And so for any new arrivals that have come since I went AWOL, yo. My name's Dirk motherfuckin' Strider.

[Jane]

So he's gone.
I guess that whole ordeal was pretty fuckin' pointless, wasn't it?
Well I mean sure we solved our petty problems and became better people for it, but for what?
From where I'm standing, it seems like the whole thing was for nothing now that he's not here anymore.
Maybe you should just have first fuckin' dibs on the next Jake that decides to show his ass up.
I mean you already gave me dibs on the last one, and we see how god damn well that went.
Start a pattern up in here.
I get one, you get the next and so forth and so on.
Because obviously this place can't keep a goddamn English for more than a few weeks, if previous experience is anything to go on.

Comments

[shenunigans]

[brohoof]

Excuse me while I lay here and soak up the golden rays of your warm welcome.
Never have I received something as touching as this.
Thank you, truly.

[shenunigans]

take your time
theres a hell of a lot to soak in

[brohoof]

We could be here all day, y'know.
But no seriously, what the fuck have you been up to?
I hope your February was better than mine.
If that's actually a thing that is even possible.
Did anyone actually have a good February?

[shenunigans]

sure could
uh
probably too much to go into detail
ive been around
doing things here and there
the usual
[Which is to say he hasn't worn more than boxers for almost a month because he's hardly left his room.]
i had a fanfuckingtastic february

[brohoof]

Oh really?
Care to elaborate, or should I just assume you've been getting your mack on with some fine ladies, or whatever?
I mean what else is there to do in February, am I right.
Or dudes.
Not really sure which way you swing.
It doesn't matter, really. But I would hate to insult you by making assumptions.
If it was a troll I might have to have a talk with you, though.

[shenunigans]

guess we have some talking to do then

[And that's all he'll say until Dirk asks about it.]

[brohoof]

I hope you realize that's ominous as fuck.
And you're not going to get out of elaborating there.
So come on, man. Gimme the deets.

[shenunigans]

i have a girlfriend
so im not exactly macking on anyone
even if they arent here i guess
seems kinda wrong

also shes a troll
deets over

[brohoof]

The deets have only just begun, actually.
Because now I have to know more about this girlfriend of yours.
It's my duty as a big brother to make sure you're dating someone worthy of you, right?
Yeah.
So come on, tell me about this chick.
Is she even really a chick if she's an alien?
These are the important answers one needs to know in order to approve of cross species dating.

[shenunigans]

yes shes a chick
and thats all there really is to say about it
shes kind of hard to describe without meeting her
she likes sniffing things and she likes pointing out things you dont want pointed out

[brohoof]

Oh, she sounds familiar. She wouldn't happen to be the one in that dream bubble I was in briefly, would she?
Does she also get all up in your business and invade your personal space?
Because that was a thing.

[shenunigans]

thats the one
yeah shell do that
she likes that
i didnt know you guys talked

[brohoof]

We only had a very short run-in.
But it was enough to leave a solid impression.
So you're a thing then, huh?
Somehow I can't say I'm surprised.

[shenunigans]

lasting impressions are another one of her many talents
sort of
not sure if it was ever confirmed
doesnt matter much because im pretty sure the timeline is just moving on with an alternate version of me and
really
people dont seem to stay together long when it comes to our group

why doesnt it surprise you

[brohoof]

It doesn't surprise me because it's you.
You seem like someone who would be attracted to that sort of thing.
There's nothing wrong with that, honestly.
It's more amusing than anything.