in and out || WRITTEN

[jthm]

Dear DIEary,

I lost a friend. Not an ally, not an asset, a friend. Though I'm not sure if I should be taking this lightly or if I should be mourning. Either way, the new found silence in the castle is making my mind go into over drive and it is NOT a pleasant experience.

No matter how many rats I stab, or how many birds I shoot to the ground, it's just not the same when someone's not there praising you for it.

I dunno, maybe I'm being spoiled since I was never praised back home...

It's the Devi situation all over again. But this time, I didn't attempt to kill the guy and I'm not attempting to kill myself...yet.

Fuck friendships, DIEary. I thought I was taking a nice step forward, but I'd rather take a step back. Back to a place where everything was peaceful and where I didn't have to worry about being...nice.

This is why I don't make friends.

Comments

I'm so sorry >.<

[eat_me_beat_me]

[Normally she'd write off something like this as freedom of expression and shrug it off. She'd written poems that involve guts being strewn on an alter after all. But there is a time. And a place. And this is NOT it.

She's angry at the world right now and you just made yourself the perfect target for that anger, buddy.]

Fuck you.

I'm all for freedom of speech but there's such a thing as having a fucking heart. After what everyone just went through you're going to talk about stabbing and killing things like it's nothing? I might not've been awake on those ships but I read the journals. People. Died. One of the best friends I've ever had fucking died and I can't just sit here and listen to you talk about being praised for killing fucking rats.

Why don't you take a step back off a fucking cliff and do the rest of us a favor?

[jthm]

Go ahead and run your mouth a little longer and I'll probably die of boredom. Come on. "Do the world a favor."

[eat_me_beat_me]

Why don't you and I get together and I'll speed up the process a little bit?

[jthm]

Sorry, I don't really meet up with people I'm not comfortable with.

[eat_me_beat_me]

Aaaand yet you're comfortable sharing your psychopathic tendencies to kill small animals? Okay yeah that makes sense.

[kindnessing]

[ written: ]

I'm confused... Did you want friends, in the end? Or are friends there for your convenience?

[jthm]

I don't want friends. But he was just...a parasite. Someone who wormed his way into my mind and never left.

Now that he's gone...

[No words.]

[kindnessing]

Maybe you should have tried harder to be unpleasant at the outset.

[jthm]

it's...a little more complicated than that.

[kindnessing]

How so?

dictation;

[commandsthewind]

It's a lonely place, that one. Careful in your choice of it.

[her nails drum quietly. To be friendless, ah she knows that one. She's felt it often.]

[jthm]

I lived in that lonely place, lady. I'm basically choosing to go back to it.

[commandsthewind]

Do you do so willingly or because you feel it is the only choice left to you?

[She respects if he doesn't answer her, but she's curious all the same. She knows why she did it. But the choice was not an easy one. It was laced with the bitterness of heartbreak, and the great poison of duty.]

[jthm]

Willingly.

I've lived my entire life not having to deal with the pains of relationships. I don't want to deal with all that bullshit now. Especially when I'm not even sure if this is reality or if I'm just in some HORRIBLE nightmare brought upon by the monster living behind the bloody wall in my house.

[commandsthewind]

Strange. You say this now, when things grow hard. Is the pain felt simply not worth the pleasures gained otherwise?

[Still said evenly and pleasantly, she'd still take his rejection.]

I think you would enjoy the works of Socrates... [she laughed, dryly, amused at the thought.] But if you think so, and this all just the cruel machinations of a twisted mind that we know little of then... then would you take no great joy in hunting any more would you?

[bronwe]

Who did you lose?

[jthm]

Someone.

[bronwe]

You still have other friends...

[jthm]

...like you?

[bronwe]

Yes, a gardening friend.

/written

[hard_talker]

[Mark seethes as he reads this. he really wishes he knew this guy's name, because if he did, he'd be tracking him down and giving him hell. but instead, since Nora's already giving him an earful on the other side of their room, he cracks open his journal and writes]

Dear President of PETA,

If this is how you react to losing a friend, you don't know what friendship is at all.

Go fuck yourself with a rusty chainsaw,
The Queen's Fool

[jthm]

Ah but you ARE correct. I DON'T know what friendship is.

/written to end

[hard_talker]

Love it when I'm right.

[jthm]

Must be a rare occasion.

[hard_talker]

You'd like to think so, wouldn't'cha.