24. And it stings when it's nobody's fault/'cause there's nothing to blame at the drop of your name

[pompous_today]

[Private]

Right now I am finding it hard to hold onto hope. It was one of the things that sustained me for so long, even when things looked hopeless, but what is the point? What the hell in the point of having hope, hope that I'll see my sister or Kaylee again, hope that giving myself over to close relationships with others will fill the void? What is the point when everyone I get close to just disappears? My sister doesn't stay, last time she did not even remember who I was, now Peter is gone... I don't know what to do. It seems at times like I have forgotten how to be happy. Or maybe it is that I am scared to be happy, because I know it will get taken away.

[/Private]

[And some hours after that, now that Simon has gotten that out of his system and gone for a long walk, he sits down and writes.]

Loss is a fact of life in most, if not every, world we come from. I am a doctor and have come to accept death as an inevitable fact of the cycle of life. And yet... loss has never gotten any easier to bear, nor do I think it should. Even the type of loss experienced here, which is very different from death, when you don't know when someone might disappear and then come back having no idea who you are, or unable to do something they held important.

I don't want to ever be hardened to that and lose hope. Even when it feels easier to give up on hoping. We who are left behind are still needed.

Comments

[wizard_redfive]

[Dairine rolls her eyes and mutters to herself, quietly but not so much that it can't be heard via the journal. No, it's not filtered. No, she does not care.]

And the pessimistic adults who contribute to the world sucking in the first place emerge...

[dog_eat_dog]

[dryly]

Didn't your mother ever tell you not to talk to strangers? Scram, kid.

[Aside, to Joel:]

Seriously? They're like stunned that not everyone agrees with them.

[focusrighthere]

[And now he's chuckling again, at Tess' aside and the whole thing. This ain't worth it by a long shot.]

[wizard_redfive]

[Calling Dairine "kid" was a good way to piss her off. Always was, always will be. She hated how demeaning it sounded, even when the speaker was being nice. Laughing was even worse. But using her mother to insult her hit hard, instantly firing up a cold rage deep inside her. It may have been roughly 2 years ago, but Dairine was still struggling to come to terms with her mother's death. (Having the castle take her from her counselor didn't help.) The fact that she couldn't help her, wasn't even allowed to try, kept the grief and the guilt and the anger rooted in place.

So putting all three together? Instant hatred.

When Dairine responds, her words are cold, harsh, and extremely clear.]

Didn't yours teach you that if you didn't have anything nice to say, you should shut your trap?

[dog_eat_dog]

[On their end, Tess is giving Joel a wide-eyed look coupled with a single "ha", in a can you believe this? sort of way. Wow. Wowwwwww. She's ignoring Dairine to speak to Joel:]

Yeah, I'm pretty done with getting attitude from the ankle-biters. We should go get dinner in town, my treat.

[focusrighthere]

[Uh huh. He closes the journal, it's time for steak and drinks. It's on the boss- even better.]

[wizard_redfive]

[You think that was attitude, Tess? Just you wait. Dairine isn't going to forget this offense anytime soon.

She mutters under her breath.]

Yeah, you better run.