paradisa | 24 - Dictated

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duke pantarei

24 - Dictated - Rogue

[ Duke is bored - and moderately pleased that he hadn't eaten any of the mysterious food, from checking the journal. Avoiding people on holidays - or maybe just avoiding the new things about the holidays - seems to be a good plan here. ]

A question born of curiosity; what do you all consider an act of betrayal?

[ His voice is carefully neutral - well, perhaps a bit flat. This is perhaps a bit tricky of a subject to get a long conversation on from him. ]

Suppose the follow up question would be 'what is an appropriate reaction to being betrayed'?

[ He'll do his best not to be biased at any responses. ]

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.... Alexei did, perhaps indirectly.

[ Duke needs to work on his speech patterns, particularly when upset. ]

Elucifur was a far closer friend. He did not betray, was rather betrayed-

[ His voice twists- it isn't quite cracking but there's definitely pent up emotion even now. ]

We wouldn't have won if he had not aided. What part of that makes sense to kill him while we were resting?

[ On the way to resting attacked, again while they thought they had hidden. He'd been too late to return to-

Duke can't draw himself tighter into a ball but he tries for a moment. ]

_{[ HIs brows scrunched, again trying to wade through the odd speech and make sense of it. ]}

He was assassinated? Alexei assassinated this Elucifur?

... I don't know.

[ Its pained. There's some closure in getting the people who killed your most important person, but... ]

I don't know if he was behind it, or if he later discovered the uses for the remains of an Entelexeia. I don't know who on the council of nobles, if it was the old emperor's will, if it was just the knights who attacked us that thought he should die. I didn't know-

[ A big part of it, perhaps. Duke feels he ought to have known, as he was a noble, that nobles might decide to do this. ]

_{[ Vanyel scrunched his brows, trying to decide what the other was speaking about. It was hard to piece it together, to follow what he was saying about people he had never met or heard of and filter out the obvious pain in the other. Being an Empath had its draw backs...

But he could use it to heal too, and he sent out calm, as best he could. ]}

If you didn't know, you cannot feel guilty for what happened, Duke.

[ This is a twitch and silence. The calm seems to be working - or maybe Duke just got hit in the feels. ]

Still should have known. He was not very good at knowing humans...

Sometimes, we are blinded, because we care for someone. We don't want to think the worst of them, and so when it comes we cannot accept it.

[ ... probably- ]

It... is a confusing, snarled mess.

[ It would have been simpler if Elucifur hadn't asked him not to go and take out anger on the empire, because then the people who were probably behind it would be dead, and Duke could feel better. ]

Unfortunately, things like this usually are, especially when we are close to people.

_{[ He tried to release more of that calm with his Empathy, trying to understand Duke feelings with the reverse. ]}

.... Which is why shouldn't get close to people, so I don't...

[ What's a good word for it. ]

... get snarled up and lost and do stupid things.

And yet, if you do that Duke, you miss out on so much. One mistake does not mean you must punish yourself forever. If anything, it makes it so you cannot make up for the mistakes of your past, and only serves to carve your wounds deeper.

[ The calm is what's keeping Duke from more violently shaking his head. ]

Not one. Probably two.

[ And now he turns and faces the wall. Even if he can't see, its still an instinct to not be able to look at people. He's.. definitely embarrassed, rather deeply ashamed.

Which is why he follows up his turning a way with a flop onto his side. Duke ignores the fact that this is cave floor. ]

Duke...

_{[ He came forward, settling behind him and reaching down to gently stroke the soft, gray-white hair, wishing he knew a better thing to say to him, to ease this. But no one had ever really known what to say to him either, and so he found himself without words. ]}

[ Vanyel if you keep stroking his hair while trying to keep him calm he's just going to fall asleep. Right here. Awkwardly.

Maybe. After a bit of mumbling. ]

Should stay away because bad person.

I do not think you are a bad person, Duke.

_{[ He continued to stroke his hair, hating the other carried so much pain. ]}

That's because I don't talk.

[ But yep, sleepy. Definitely sleepy.

The secret to getting Duke to be okay with being close to people. Get him sleepy and continue petting his hair. ]

There are many bad people who do not talk, Duke. You are not one of them.

_{[ He continued to pet and reach out with his empathy to soothe the other, wishing he could do more for him. ]}

's because I don't talk about what I know. Good people wouldn't know what...

[ Very deepseated 'I am a terrible person' feels, along with a ball of embarrassment-shame-fear. He doesn't want to talk about it, because he does like Vanyel, and he's worried Vanyel wouldn't be okay with him if he told him. ]

_{[ Vanyel is quiet, considering things. It takes him a bit to work up his courage, because though Heralds knew back home, here he had kept that secret to himself, a dark thing encased in ice... ]}

Good people sometimes know bad things, do bad things without meaning to, or realizing it.

I... I helped...I helped my bonded, my lover, murder people who had wronged him. I didn't know it was what he planned, but I helped him. By the time I realize, it was to late. Everything was to late...

... Oh...

[ Sorry Vanyel, Duke has to think on that for a moment. ]

Think.. case of wanted best, wanted ... one tied to with strong bonds, happy, or feel better, or...

[ Words fall to silence again, because he isn't quite sure. ]

... Knew what was doing though. Made it. All the parts and what it would do and thought it best answer... ]

I know that now. And... I paid for that sin deeply.

_{[ Tylendel had died. He had died and a hole in his soul had been torn
up that to this day was still not filled, if less painful. ]}

I still haven't really forgiven myself, for that. I had no idea, at the time, that's what he planned. I didn't understand, and that was my failing.

Hindsight.

[ Its lovely and painful and makes you want to die a lot. Or something close- ]

Yes, hindsight.

_{[ He smiled sadly and went back to stroking Duke's hair, letting the
quiet envelope them in its heavy sadness. ]}

[ Duke tucks his arms under his head and... curls up. He might be keeping close to that stroking hand, though. ]

_{[ It was better than the other way around, with him pulling away,
being curled up. He leaned back against the wall of the cave and continued
to stroke, closing his eyes and just... calming himself. ]}

[ He's vaguely remembering that its nice. But not nice enough to actually turn toward Vanyel.

Maybe some other time. ]

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peacockherald - 2013-05-04 20:23 (UTC) - Expand

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