paradisa | second design [ dictated ]

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christina mckinney

second design [ dictated ]

You'd be surprised the kinds of things that you miss, even the bad ones. [ pause ] Okay, not all of them but a few.

It makes you think, though, having this time. Think and regret. That's not really a nice feeling. I suppose it helps when you know how to communicate to people.

[ She's possibly picked a bad day to think and talk about it all, especially after the past few days, but the day is part of the reason why. Happy Valentines indeed. She pauses for a moment before speaking again ]

I guess that two weeks is all the settling in time that you get around here. It makes me want to get out even more, even if I will get dragged back in.

[ Stuart / Private ]
I wouldn't have done it, I was just afraid.

And I miss you.

[ James Watson ]
Thank you.

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[ Unnecessary! Unless you're trying to hit on her and then even more unnecessary because neveeer. But she's a friend, flattery is not necessary (even if it's nice some times as she doesn't hear it) ]

Was he locked in too? [ Because. Oh dear ] Better than I was a few weeks ago. [ And... oh god more bad thoughts. If what she'd heard was true? That would have been even worse than how she was now ]

I need to ask something.

[She will just have to deal, because even if she is just a friend he flirts on occasion. She will just have to deal with it, even if it is only flattery (he knows it won't go far).]

No, thankfully it appears the castle allowed him to wander about, but he doesn't take to kindly to being alone it seems. [There's a muffled woof here as if Toby's agreeing.] And I am glad you are. [And now he's settling in for that, tilting his head on this side of the journal.]

You may ask of course, I will answer to the best of my abilities.

[ She'd just not mention it (and try not to blush because attention is nice even if she is married) ]

It didn't let him go to the others? [ They may have been locked in but it would have been better

And. Oh God. This was hard to broach, although it would have helped if she'd managed to get her head any way around it (not that her 'source' seemed to know) ] I- [ It wasn't even something she wanted to think of, never mind ask and possibly get it confirmed ]

I need you to check something. [ There's a shaky pause ] With the baby.

[That was perfectly fine by him, it happened a lot.]

No I do not think so, considering the others were locked in the ballroom or other rooms. [It would have but the castle wasn't always nice about that.

And oh, this wasn't what he was expecting.]

Of course I can. Is there any particular reason why or what?

[ She'd never have expected to have said it either ] There's something I need to know, something that was said.

[ She's not being very clear but it's not clear to her ]

There's no children here, not ones other than we're brought. And apparently no one's been pregnant. [ She half expects - hopes - that he'll have no idea what she's talking about ]

[He sits and waits for it, rather patient for her answer. And when she says that?

Oh shit.]

No, and you will find, that those with terminal illnesses, it does not progress here nor do we age. [A beat.] Paradisa, puts a stop to such things, it makes sense that being pregnant, that it would not develop more than what you arrived as.

[ When he says that? She doesn't know what to say to that, so much so that she's silent for a while. She was a little confused before but now she's even more so, and a little afraid.

When she finally speaks again, remembering that he's there, her fear is evident in her voice, with a hint of annoyance with it ]

And you couldn't tell me that? You- you spent a weekend with me and didn't mention it?

[And he doesn't sound apologetic as he goes on here. He really doesn't. Instead sounding blunt, to the point, a tone he would almost use with Nikola.]

Would you mention it if trapped in a room with a pregnant woman for an undetermined amount of time, with no hope of escape?

It'd be kinder.

[ She would probably rather have known. They'd discussed other things to do with her pregnancy, how far she was, making the appointment and even her telling him that it wasn't her baby but he hadn't given her that back? Possibly the most important thing that she needed to know about it here and she'd had to hear it as a 'rumour' from another. That actually hurt a little - she had a hard enough time trusting here.

And now when she talks? That hint of annoyance is a lot of annoyance ]

You mentioned other things but skip on this one? Anything that I told you? [ Is now false. She was eighteen weeks, not twenty as she'd thought. And... she's not even sure how much more this affects ]

Because it is not something I think about all the time.

[Because he had other concerns besides if her pregnancy would continue. Because he didn't want to worry her needlessly, that maybe somehow , having to go through with it would be her loss.

It was a lot of things and he was trying to be nice. So he fights to keep his own voice calm.]

Because, I care and was hoping, perhaps, it may be different for you. That you may, not have to worry about that part of life here in the castle somehow. I will however, inform you, of everything the castle stops, if you would still, like to go through with your appointment, to the best of my ability.

[ Oh she was torn. He may not have thought of it constantly but given their conversation she still expected it to be mentioned, or at least thought of. It was relevant and more than that important. And if he'd been hoping that it wouldn't be the case? Then it was clearly on his mind

She had to know, though. As troubled as she was, and annoyed, she still had to know. Nothing may be changing but something had already happened and if the castle had changed one thing? What else could it have done? ]

I'll come. [ She was hopefully a little calmer sounding ] I need to know what's happened.

[He should have, really. It was on his mind, but he still hadn't wanted to say it (really the memories of why he had learned that were not pleasant at all). So he had been hoping it wouldn't be true, so he had kept quiet.

And he could understand annoyance, disappointment, possibly the chance at being hit. But he was glad she was trusting him with it at least.]

Very well then, and I do hope I am wrong.

So do I.

[ As much as it may not be pleasant, and even though she had the possibility of having the baby here and having to raise it herself? It was a more preferable option than being pregnant for however long she were here, be it months or years ]

I'll be there later. [ She needed to think a little first ]

[Was it really? To raise a child in an unknown place, that was also very dangerous, to, perhaps lose that child here? Was it the better choice?]

Of course, tell me when you are ready?

[ That second part, losing the child? That could still happen. She may be unable to become more pregnant but that didn't stop anything from happening to her. And the rest? She did not like the idea of being eighteen weeks pregnant for the entirety of her stay even if it was only eighteen weeks - it could have been worse, either morning sickness of later in the pregnancy, but being stuck? No ]

It won't be more than two hours.

[Yes it could but there was still a better chance if the child were well, alive if you will, separate from her, born, to be hurt or killed than if it stayed in her. Really it made the best of sense to him if she stayed pregnant. But he wasn't going to say that.]

I will, wait for you then, I suppose?

[ She certainly wouldn't appreciate it, and it wouldn't alleviate any of her worries ]

Thank you.

[It gets a hopeful sounding reply.]

No trouble at all.

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second design [ dictated ]

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