paradisa | 3rd ♒ Written

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cronus ampora

3rd ♒ Written

you knowv, i vwas just thinking to myself howv ivwe been here for quite a bit, but ivwe nevwer taken the ample opportunity to get to knowv you humans better.
youre a plethora of knovwledge to a certain topic that ivwe great interest in and here ivwe sat around like some sorta dumbass not asking any of you anything.
so lets rectify this.
any and all humans that are vwilling to play a game a tvwenty questions vwith me, please reply to this.
your input vwould be greatly appreciated, not to mention, YOU vwould be greatly appreciated as vwell.
and i suppose in return, i can be generous and ansvwer any questions youvwe got about trolls and our culture.
sounds fair?

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...That's not marginally creepy at all.

i fail to see howv any of this is creepy, chief.

It makes you sound like some sort of...human collector.

[But he is bored all up in his room by himself, so...]

Does it have to be about humans from Earth?

ahahaha, youre a card, im no human collector, ivwe just got some personal interest is all.
vwait a second, are you saying theres humans that arent from earth? groovwy.
for the record, i vwas talking about them, but honestly any human vwill do. vwowv.

Sure, humans come from all kinds of worlds. I'm not exactly sure how that works but there you go.

...Okay, ask away, I guess. I'm pretty bored right now.

vwell, nowv that i think about it, theres vweirder things ivwe dealt vwith than humans not being from earth, so vwhatevwer.
alright, hopefully this is adequately entertaining for you.
i knowv a 8IT about you humans, but theres been one thing that has really been eating my gills.
is it true you really dont pupate?

[There's a measured silence here, because out of all the questions he'd been expecting to be asked, this one had not even entered the realms of possibility]

...Liiike bugs?

No. We don't do that.

vwell, i guess bugs do it too, but its a natural thing that happens for us trolls is all.

but thats groovwy, i cant imagine vwhat it must be like... or i guess i can, but thats hardly the same as being someone vwhos nevwer vwent through their grub stage.

...Well, that's weird and interesting.

We're babies, if that's what you mean. You know, really little versions of adult humans.

its pretty pedestrian for us trolls, but i vwould like to say its vway ovwerrated.

yeah ivwe heard about that, vwhen vwere small vwere just little grubs, till vwe find a cozy stalactite to make a proper cocoon on, then vwe evwentually emerge as vwigglers vwith our typical appendages and the like.

so then, its true you lot dont havwe a mothergrub, but instead your females act like one?

Hanging from the ceiling. That's...well that sounds pretty dangerous but hey why not.

[Oh good lord the subject of mothers] Yeah, we have moms. They uh...have the babies and then raise them. Feed them, change them, emotionally scar them for life, that kind of thing.

only dangerous if you dont knowv vwhat youre doing, but i guess vwith being grubs, thats sort of a hit and miss.

vwowv, uh... that sounds... pleasant? i guess. jeez, are you sure human mothers are supposed to be like that? here i thought you humans vwere peaceful.

You'd have thought someone would have put matresses underneath or something, in case you guys drop off.

[There's a longass pause here] I think that's probably pretty much just my mother. She's a rule unto herself.

vwell, it isnt like vwe didnt havwe caretakers. jadebloods did that. they vwere kind of roped into making sure vwe all survwivwed.

ahh, i see. its alright friend, i knowv some trolls vwho got saddled vwith a pretty shitty lusus. it happens! but if its any consolation, i think despite her apparent cruelty, you turned out to be a pretty svwell fella.
and i really mean SVWELL.

Oh...

Wow, all without knowing me that well.

Uh...thanks?

you knowv, you bring up a good point.
i DONT knowv you all that vwell, evwen if youvwe made a great impression on me already.
so howv about vwe GET to knowv each other better. vwhat are you doing later? are you buys, maybe vwe could go on a date.

Yeah well, I don't leave my room so-

[No wait. Wait. The word 'date' was uttered there. The Once-ler makes a panicked sort of sound. Why is it only guys do this to him?

DOES HE GIVE OUT SOME SORT OF VIBE?!!]

Hahaha. Ha. I think I'll uh...pass. On account of the fact I don't date guys.

...Or date at all, actually.

So sorry, but uh...no. But thanks for the offer...I guess?

I suppose if you really mean to be generous when it comes to talking about troll culture, I can play along.
Twenty questions, right? I'll keep count.

empty promises aint my style, doll, so of course i mean vwhat i said. but alright, tvwenty it is.

vwhats the deal vwith you humans usually only pairing up as pairs of only males and females?

Edited 2013-02-27 22:00 (UTC)

Uh, well, gosh.
The only reason I can think of is the biological one. Once people figured out where babies come from, they decided to try and keep things that way, and for the most part it stuck, I suppose.
I would say it's instinctual, but humans don't operate on that, and while animals do, I have heard of homosexual animals.

Should we ask questions in turns?

fascinating! the vwhole concept of you guys birthing your ovwn young is so alien, but also kinda comforting in an odd vway. you see, i kind of really get you humans. but it nevwer hurts getting first hand explanations from someone vwho had the privwilege of being born as one, you knowv?

sure! go ahead and lay one on me, gorgeous.

Erm, well it's not like I remember it exactly. I was too young. But I have learned about it in school. You kind of have to, when you get older.

Hm, alright then. So how exactly is it that trolls are born?

its a bit different than howv you humans do it. see, vwe get together vwith our matesprits and kismesisses and fuck, depositing our genetic material in a pail, vwhich goes to the mothergrub, she then takes all that, svwirls it up real good, before havwing thousands of eggs. vwe hatch as grubs from those eggs, and evwentually vwe pupate, and then emerge as the image youre most familiar vwith, though considerably smaller of course.
but honestly, thats the boring end half, i really vwouldnt mind shovwing you, personally, the exciting first bit. because its definitely the tops.

[Sorry Cronus, she's still stuck on something.]

A...
A pail?
What in Heaven's name - a PAIL?????

yeah its a little vweird, believwe me i think you humans havwe a far better approach to it.
though i cant say ivwe really been able to lay vwitness to it. maybe you could teach me?

What are you-
Are you suggesting that I-
Oh God, no!!!!!!

hey, dont be like that!
it could be quite the learning experience, one i cant possibly pass up, you knowv?
could be quite the learning experience for you too.
i say vwe skip the tvwenty questions and get straight to the part vwhere vwe take off our clothes, howv about it?

NO!!
You don't just solicit a lady like that! Geez Louise!!!!

oh.
i see howv it is. you dont havwe to explain it. its because i vwasnt hatched a human, isnt it?
thats avwful cruel and judgmental of you.

Um, NO?
It's because you SOLICITED me! Very forwardly, might I add!!!

What in the world is a troll?

a troll vwould be my hatched species. vwere the predominate race of beforus and its alternate univwerse planet alternia.
vwere grey skinned vwith horns that vwary in shape and are of three different shades of orange, lightest tovwards the tip. vwe got outselvwes landtrolls and seatrolls, and im sure a sharp guy like you can figure out the difference there.
im a hatched seatroll, vwhich makes me royalty in our culture, but i couldnt care less about that.

i hope that helps, but since you asked me a question i get to ask you one, chief.
do humans havwe issues with dating outside of their species?

Edited 2013-02-27 21:49 (UTC)

Hmm, it does help. Interesting.

And I suppose the answer to your question would depend on the human. In my world, there aren't really any beings with human-level intelligence who aren't human - so obviously, we would have issues dating outside our species. That's called bestiality, and it's quite frowned upon.

But it seems that other worlds are different, and if the creature has adequate intelligence, I don't see why there should be any issue.

My turn: why do you write so ridiculously?

so, does that mean if a handsome alien vwere to ask you out on a date, you vwould be inclined to accept?

i type like this because its something sort of ingrained in my culture! vwevwe all got our typing quirks, its sort of a means of indivwiduality, if you vwill!

What counts as handsome for an alien? I personally prefer a minimum of tentacles and extra limbs, but for some species I imagine that would be the height of beauty. So I suppose it would depend on the alien. Though frankly, I don't really date.

Hmm. I see.

jeepers, im not talking about a horrorterror coming up and asking you out, im talking about, vwhat if a suavwe troll like, i dont knowv, myself, asked you out. evwen then, im only alien by a technicality of hatching this vway.

But I have no reason to believe that you don't have tentacles. I would need proof, of course. And then some evidence of your sincerity.

i, of course could showv you, personally, vwhat it is ivwe got. and ivwe all the sincerity in the knowv univwerses, chief. but if youvwe got a specific vway you vwant me to provwe it, by all means, do tell.

Oh, I don't know... the severed heads of my enemies, perhaps? Of course I'd be willing to settle for their hearts, too.

vwhoa there, friend. im kind of trying to NOT be in an aggressivwe space in my life, you dig? so cutting off heads or ripping out hearts isnt really my thing.
so, if youvwe got anything else, id be more than happy to oblige, tiger.

Really? That's not much fun at all, though I suppose I don't have any enemies here yet. But how am I supposed to know that someone's serious if they're not willing to tear out a few hearts for me?

Oh, trolls?

[Aradia was one, Garry remembers, and now here's another one. He thinks about the proffered question for a minute, trying to formulate a good question of his own in reply.]

Well, um...what sort of place do you live in?

Vwell, depends on the troll. Seatrolls typically livwe in the sea, since vwe're seadvwellers and all, vwhile landtrolls tend to stick to land, chief. Vwe sort of pick vwhere evwer to livwe, some livwe in cities, some out in more rural areas, usually those lovwer on the spectrum livwe there. Really depends on the troll, friend.

[There's a brief pause, as he allows him to process that before:]

Vwhat about you humans? Do all of you livwe in your little vwooden box homes?

That's interesting! I mean, I don't think I could ever imagine living in the ocean, but...if that's how your species works, well... And what sort of spectrum are you talking about?

Oh, well, we all live in homes. Or, at least most of us do. We live in cities, villages, in the forests, on the mountains...if you can build a place to stay and live there, then well...you can live there.

[HE'S BAD AT EXPLAINING THINGS, SORRY, CRONUS]

Gills make livwing in the ocean fairly easy! And I'm talking about the hemospectrum, it's my culture's vway of measuring our vworth-slash-ability. Or, you knowv, vwhat responsibilities goes to vwho, and the like.

[Ahh, so not too far different than trolls in that regard.]

So vwe're really not all that different! Though your architecture is a little odd, but definitely not bad! That's for certain. SO tell me, do you humans havwe no social hierarchy or anything like that?

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