Number 2. [ Dictated ]

[patching_up]

[When 5 speaks into his journal it is with a cracked and haggard tone, quieter than it ought to be. He did not expect to wake up this morning in perfect condition, save the irreparable missing eye of course-- though while that was simply a shock, the realization that the decades of memories he'd been reminiscing on were all a lie definitely stung quite a bit more. His fabricated life and history, after all, were much nicer and less traumatic than the reality he has now been brought back to.]

None of that was real. It was all in my head...

[There is a dry, sobbing sound.]

No... w-why...? I had years and years o-of... of happy memories, where n-no one died and it... the castle... it did this to me? Why?!

It...

It must really hate me. Whatever I did wrong, ah, I'm sorry... I'm sorry! Please, n-no more of this...

Comments

[waterproofed]

Five... It's not your fault. Don't even think that.

[patching_up]

I-it feels like I'm being... punished, for something. I thought, I-I thought--

[The poor thing pretty much breaks down crying, or as close as he can get to crying without actually being able to shed tears.]

[waterproofed]

No! It has nothing to do with you! The castle just likes being a jerk sometimes.

[patching_up]

That's it...? That's the only reason it would do that?

[waterproofed]

It does things to hurt you, but you can't let it win. Okay? You're a good... um... guy.

[kid_apocalypse]

The castle doesn't hate you. It...did that to everyone. Turned us into something that we're not.

I...knew it did stuff like this, but...this is my first time experiencing it, too.

[Though in Evan's case, all his transformation into the ancient version of himself did was remind him of who he'd been cloned from.]

[patching_up]

... I didn't know it could change my memories. I-I don't feel safe now, what if my memories still aren't right...?

[patching_up]

I know it wasn't just me. But it felt like, w-with what it made me think, that... it's angry at me. It wanted to hurt me as much as it could. And... it did.

[waterproofed]

Then you just make new memories.

[kid_apocalypse]

It did to me, too. Turned me into someone...absolutely evil, made me feel like I don't have a choice.

[patching_up]

[He's silent for a moment; that phrase rings surprisingly true with him, and his sniveling quiets somewhat.]

... yeah, I-I can do that. I'm more scared that I can't forget the things that the castle made me think, and that... I don't know if I want to. It was such a nice life, even if...

[patching_up]

I-it turned you evil?!

[That's a terrifying prospect if he ever heard one; at least for him all the castle did was change his past, or what he believed to be his past. But to think that it could change someone's entire personality...]

How... can it do something like that?

[waterproofed]

If you want to remember, it's okay. Some people do that.

[kid_apocalypse]

...Yeah.

[Filtered to this person]

The truth is, I'm a clone of a villain, where I come from. I think...the castle was just making me see what I could be, if I turned out like him.

The castle seems to do stuff like this to mess with our heads, make us doubt ourselves.

[whichwayyoulean]

Welcome the living in Paradisa.

And that? Was pretty tame compared to what it usually does.

[ Filtered ]

[patching_up]

[There's a moment of stark silence, as 5 struggles to comprehend what he was just told.]

... that's horrible...

You don't seem to want to become that kind of person, though, even after what happened. I don't think you will, if that's how you feel.

[ Filtered ]

[kid_apocalypse]

[Welcome to Evan's life, constantly struggling to accept that part of himself, even thought it's something he actively rejects.]

I've been trying really hard to be better than who I was cloned from, and everyone here's been really understanding. It's just...the castle pulls something like this on me, and it reminds me of just how bad I could be. The person the castle made me's not someone I ever want to know, and I feel bad for the people who did.

[patching_up]

But it wasn't real. I thought everyone was still alive, but m-most of them, they--

[Just like that, he's back to sobbing again; having to be parted from his friends was hard enough, but the added memories were a harsh reminder of how much he cherished them, and how much he lost when they were killed.]

They're gone now. I wish, I w-want to believe that isn't t-true...! Why can't things be that way?!

[patching_up]

How could that be tame? It... I don't know what to think now.

[waterproofed]

Hey... Hey, man. I'm really sorry about that. I don't know why stuff like that happens.

[ Filtered ]

[patching_up]

This place really is cruel. I'm sorry... maybe you're right, and it does just hate everyone equally.

[patching_up]

The machine that killed... u-us...

[He sounds very choked, and is clearly having a hard time talking about this.]

The castle reminds me of it. It d-don't have a reason for why it hurts us, it just wants to.

[waterproofed]

A machine...? [no. Why is it that all his friends come from terrible places?]

I'm sorry. No one should have to go through that.

[ Filtered ]

[kid_apocalypse]

It's okay, I'm getting used to it. It just motivates me to fight harder to be a good person, you know? To show the castle that I'm not gonna let it win.

Anyway, my name's Evan. What's yours?

[whichwayyoulean]

Normally, it's got us running around for our lives. Or burying deep into a psyches and seeing what it can dig out.