9th sweater: a green monster with sharp teeth and a friendly smile

[bezazzled]

[Though it reads like a letter, it's all dictated.]

Dear Once-ler,

I am writing to you in regards to our arrangement that was agreed upon some time ago, in which you asked that I update you on my current status to ensure that I, a young girl of 12 years, was being properly taken care of.

Even though your standards are probably poop.

You may rest assured that I am well and fed and my life isn't sucking or anything. My meals are acquired through various means as you clearly cannot make up your mind about whether or not one method is better than the other.

I suffered mild discomfort earlier this month in the form of arthritis and poor vision as well as smelling like a mix between basil, peppermint, and cat because I was an old grandma for a few days but let the record show that I am once again a kid who you apparently think can't take care of herself.

Should you have any questions, go ahead and ask them and I'll think about whether or not I want to answer you given the circumstances. In case you need further clarification, the circumstances are that you're a jerk.

Kind regards,

Mabel Pines

[Perfect. She goes to shut the journal, but stops.]

P.S. Thneed is a dumb word.

[There. NOW it's perfect.]

Comments

Mabel

[whichwayyoulean]

[Oh right. He'd asked the kid to check in. Look at him, being the best adult ever]

I'm glad you're doing okay, but hello miss attitude what's that all abou-

[And then he remembers. Oh CRUD]

Thaaaaaaat piece of insanity was a loss. It wasn't me! I mean...okay, it was me, but it was me five years in the past. Way-more-stupid-me. You shouldn't listen to that guy. He ruined everything.

...And it is NOT a dumb word!

Once-ler FOREVER

[bezazzled]

[Oh sure, it's always a loss, isn't it? She lets out a long, drawn-out groan, making sure it sounds extra annoying.]

Past you is still you, and you were a total jerk to me! I even made you a sweater. By hand and personally customized just for you! And what thanks did I get? Do you know how close I was to making a slanderous video of you and your stupid Thneeds?

Mabel forever and EVER

[whichwayyoulean]

...Wait you made a sweater? [Give him a second while he swims though the mostly repressed memory of That Loss] Wait...give me a sec, ok?

[Rummaging sounds. Okay, where would stupid optimistic past-him put a sweater made by a small girl? Think, Once, THINK]

A-HAH! [That was the sound of victory. But it does soften somewhat when he actually sees the thing] Wow. That's...that's actually pretty cool. Thanks, Mabel.

...What was that about a video?

[bezazzled]

Forget the video. You mean to tell me that past you also hid the sweater I worked really hard on? You gotta be kidding me! The nerve! If you were still past you, you'd really have it coming!

[whichwayyoulean]

Yeah, well, past-me is an idiot. [Present him isn't much better, admittedly, but at least he likes to think he has a touch more decency to himself now]

But seriously, thanks, Mabel. I love it.

[bezazzled]

[Her tone is still very much pouty.]

In case you don't remember, it's got a sun on it because you don't go out in the sun very often. Now the sun will come to you, even when you're locked up in your dumb tower.

[whichwayyoulean]

The irony hasn't been lost on me.

[bezazzled]

Good.

[Ugh, she wants to put some more, she really does.]

Okay. Since you're back to being you, let's straighten a few things out. I'm gonna tell you what past you told me, and you give me the final, definitive, end-all decision on the matter.

[whichwayyoulean]

Okay, sure. Cards on the table.

Lay it on me.

[bezazzled]

[She clears her throat.]

Wishes. Past you says go to crazy with them. You say...?

[whichwayyoulean]

I say no. You don't know where what you're wishing for is coming from. And that's something everyone needs to think about. You never know if where you're taking those things form really need them.

[bezazzled]

Fair enough. Next topic.

Making money. I'm not talking about a scam or some get rich quick scheme. I mean like, making an honest living. Because you've been on the total polar opposites of the spectrum on this.

[whichwayyoulean]

Do it honestly. If you're using resources to make a product to sell, make sure you know where it's coming from and that you're replacing what you're taking.

[bezazzled]

Huh. So you aren't all "MONEY IS EVIL" like I thought you'd be. That's good! Because I kind of still want to try taking sweater commissions. It's how I was going to blow your Thneed out of the water.

[whichwayyoulean]

It's not evil. But it does change you. If that's for the better or the worse is up to you.

[He makes a soft 'heh' sound] I bet you would've.