PSA: All About Space

[encryptedlock]

Hi. I'm internationally-renowned Space Grifball star Freelancer York from the popular planet, Paradisa.

I'm South Dakota, fucking awesome Space Stealth compeitor and future winner - same stupid planet.

I'm Freelancer North Dakota, and I'm not sure why I'm here, to be honest.

And I'm Church...from where ever the hell this is.

We're here today to tell you about something many of you have heard about, but few have witnessed - until now. Space. The final fronti--oh wait, that's copyrighted.

It's just awesome, you'll see. Right, North?

[Totally unsure...] Right.

For those of you who don't know what space is, it's dark, cold, and has no air. And that seems to be more or less the same for this planet Zargon, too. That means you shouldn't go outside without proper protection. That means a space suit. Of course, it looks like they didn't give us any, so stay inside.

If you do wander otside without protection, your eyeballs will explode. Don't say we didn't warn you.

And no one likes exploded eyeballs...gross.

Guys...

The second thing you have to worry about is no gravity. Now, I know we have gravity here, but once we get up to the station, we're going to be shit out of luck. I hope you've all practiced your Space Sports in zero-G.

[South huffs.] Yeah, Maladict, gravity. Let's see what you think of it when it's not there.

You may not know what gravity is, either. It's what keeps your feet on the ground - so if you have to go out in the zero-gravity environment, make sure to tie yourself down somehow. Or use magnetic boots, or jetpacks. Just be careful. You don't want to know what happened to a guy who didn't back home.

We try not to talk about him.

Poor Georgia.

The fun part about zero-G is trying to eat and drink in it. If you're not really careful, you'll end up chasing your food around the room like a demented guppy.

Packets and straws will be your best friends.

Between that and strapping yourself down to a bed to sleep, you'll feel just like we're back at the retirement home.

Just not that shit in the squeeze tubes... avoid that stuff.

Luckily for all of you, it looks like we're not going to be on the station until tomorrow. So use today to practice wearing your totally useless silver suits, because they're not going to do anything if you get sucked out into space.

Yeeeeeah, you might want to spend that time writing your will.

And that should probably be enough to get you all started. Man, it's been way too long since I was in space. Can't wait to get back up there.

Hold on, guys, I think I'm getting the hang of these rocket skis. [There's a crashing noise in the background.] This is going to suck.

Well, I hope you've all learned a lot about space and, maybe, a little bit about yourself. This is Freelancer York, signing off.

Comments

Freelancers (oh, and that one sim soldier idiot, too)

[i_got_this]

Since it's been a bit since any of us were up there, anyone want to take bets who pukes first?

Same Filter

[encryptedlock]

I don't know, man. I heard someone gets motion sick.

Filtered forever

[i_got_this]

[...]

Oh shut up.

yep

[ol_northy]

South, don't place bets you know you're going to lose.

Filtered to North

[i_got_this]

Hey, uh ... what was that medication called? The one I took at Freelancer for, uh, you know. [Motion sickness.] Little yellow pill. Or was it orange?

[SHE NEEDS YOU, BRO]

Rotten Freelancer Bitch

[originalcopy]

Thanks for including me in the fun...

Now that I think about it, I actually wouldn't mind loosing my bet with York... five bucks well spent.

Screw You Blue

[i_got_this]

Yeah no problem.

Any idea what you're going to do with your money when you win?

[mal_addict]

I'm not even in that stupid 'space' of yours. So you mention is lost on deaf ears.

Again.

Maybe you should steer clear of the mind altering substances, you lot.

[encryptedlock]

[York snickers.] Pretty sure they screened us for those at the entrance. You guys stuck back at the castle, or are you on some kind of Zargon resort?

[mal_addict]

It's just the castle. Where are you people?

...Other than 'space', apparently.

[i_got_this]

Oh, you'll get there, don't worry.

[mal_addict]

Funny, everything still seems very castle-y to me.

[ol_northy]

Then please feel free to disregard it.

[mal_addict]

Oh trust me, I already have.

[last_rat_standing]

[... what... did he just listen to?]

How very... informative.

[originalcopy]

Well, that was kind of the point.

[i_got_this]

Hey, no problem. We know there's very few schmucks out there who know what it's like in space, so we thought we'd share our bountiful wisdom on the point. Any questions?

[encryptedlock]

[Public service, man. You gotta love it.]

It's either that or watch The Space Channel on repeat, and believe me, that's way more boring.

[ol_northy]

Well, we try to do our civic duty.

[milkisgross]

So you guys have actually been in space?! So, how does that work? You have to be in an air-tight and pressurized container, right? What do you use to get past the earth's gravitation?

[Sorry guys. I think he's having a science-gasm]

[encryptedlock]

[York actually laughs, although it's in good faith. Sounds like this person's from one of those times where it's possible in theory but the tech hasn't caught up yet.]

Well, there are two main ways we use to get past the gravity well. First and most common is an exit and re-entry vehicle. In my world we have dropships called Pelicans that use a special kind of fuel to be able to jump between the ground and orbit in order to deliver passengers to a larger ship or station. Most military and private craft can exit and re-enter as well, but it's not nearly as fuel-efficient unless you're resupplying or delivering cargo.

The second way is with what's called a space elevator, and that's pretty much exactly what it sounds like. You anchor either a small asteroid or an orbital station in a geosynchronous orbit and then attach a broad structure of carbon nanotubing all the way down to the surface. The you just use counterweights to break free of gravity. Hell of a lot more efficient, but it has to be stationary and they're kind of a bitch to construct. Most planets have one or two elevators max.

[ol_northy]

[Oh snap.]

What York said. It's still cool, every time.

Dictated

[wizard_redfive]

Protection doesn't have to be a spacesuit. A decent shield, ah, force field will do the trick.

[Hello, fellow space travelers. Say hi to the intergalatically famous young wizard.]

[encryptedlock]

As long as it's airtight, yeah. I've seen that sort of thing used in the field, but it's damn expensive. It is pretty common in Covenant hangars and bays, though.

Don't see anything like that here--kind of low-tech for what's supposed to be 3022, if you ask me.

[ol_northy]

You know, heavy shields don't get enough credit where it's due.