sixty-fifth labyrinth (backdated to Wednesday)

[lord_wizard]

[This isn't even close to the first time Ashura had disappeared, but he still has that twist of worry after a day or so. He's heard people are somewhere...is space...a concept he barely has any idea of what that might actually be. But it's another in a list of things that are piling slowly up on his mind since Mildmay's arrival at the castle, bringing his past with him]

So...there aren't to be any search parties this time around? Glad to see mass disappearances are no longer a concern.

[Ashura]

Are you out there somewhere?

[He's trying to sound nonchalant about it, but it's not quite working]

[Crowley]

I wanted to let you know I have my members researching your friends' problem. It may take some time, and there may be a point where we'll need more information, but there it is.

By the way, I believe I owed you a drink or several.

[To that tune, he can be found holed up at the bar in the Lux. Normally he'd avoid being served by the ghosts, given the recent departure of it's owner, but he can't find the ability to care overmuch at this point. He's been drinking rather regularly for the last month, a habit perhaps only Ashura and Mildmay would notice as being a sign of him being NOT OKAY, but only one of them is around right now.]

Comments

[lord_wizard]

No, I don't suppose you can.

[He lets that hang for awhile. Ashura was going to come back or he wasn't, and there wasn't anything he could do about it. Meanwhile, he had other concerns]

Crowley...do you think I'm a terrible person?

[It sort of comes out of nowhere like that, all of a sudden]

[onlyanapple]

[Crowley wasn't expecting that, and a little part of him inside cries out WHY ME. Why do people confide in him so much, is it because he gives honest opinions? That he doesn't judge.

Balls, he needs to be way more drunk for this. Downing that wine]

No. I think you're a person. People do good things, people do terrible things, sometimes in the space of the same breath. It doesn't make them inherently good or terrible.

It just makes them people.

[lord_wizard]

[In this case, it's because he's a demon, and there is a certain amount that Felix expects he will understand about the nature of good and evil. Something he's struggled with for years to reason out.

But there is a reason this invitation was plied with the promise of booze.]

How many bad things are you allowed before it becomes evil?

[onlyanapple]

[Crowley casts him a look, pouring himself some more wine, before heaving out a sigh]

It's not like there's a quota, you know. Some things are really bad, like killing a baby and some are only sort of bad, like kicking a puppy.

It's more of what you do, than anything.

Why, are you starting to worry about where you'll end up?

[lord_wizard]

[He takes a drink, then pauses to run his thumb along the edge of the glass as he ponders]

Not especially. Even if such a thing exists in my world, it was never for me, and I don't think I have much hope there if it does. I am more concerned with the impact I make while I am still alive. If there is any coming back from things like that, or if you are stuck on that road indefinitely.

[onlyanapple]

[Crowley sits back, letting out an unneeded breath]

There's always coming back. That sort of thing is fluid. But it's up to you to change that. You need to take account of your own actions, move past them, and not make the same mistakes again, then try to make up for what went on.

Even if it's as simple as an apology.

[lord_wizard]

I've made something of a career of repeating mistakes. I'm not sure I can stop now.

[He's even worse at apologizing]

[onlyanapple]

You'd be surprised what you're capable of if you put your mind to it.

[lord_wizard]

Speaking from experience?

[onlyanapple]

[The demon considers for a moment]

...Perhaps.

[lord_wizard]

[He wants to ask, but he doesn't want to push Crowley any further than he already has. Instead he takes another drink]

Would you say there is any point when you don't need to keep trying? Or is it a constant struggle against your basic nature?

[onlyanapple]

[Crowley focuses on his wine for a moment, swirling the liquid in the glass, watching it shift]

The point is I get to keep my free will. I get to still be me and not what they want me to be.

[lord_wizard]

[He considers that a moment and finally lets out a quiet sigh]

I'm not sure who I am.

[onlyanapple]

Good luck with that one. It took me over six millenia and being trapped in a magical castle for me to figure that one out.

[lord_wizard]

[That gets a low laugh and drawn by wry half-smile out of him]

That's very encouraging.

[onlyanapple]

[He smiles a little wanly]

If you wanted encouragement, I doubt you would have come to me.

[lord_wizard]

[There is a similar expression from him]

You're right enough there. There's only so much sugar-coating and sympathy a man can take.

[onlyanapple]

And how the residents of the castle love to offer that. Their endless optimism never ceases to amaze me.

[lord_wizard]

But you admire them for it, regardless of whether you agree. Still...there are times when the truth is more valuable.

[onlyanapple]

Of course. Humans have always been a fascinating subject to me.

Very true.