sixty-sixth labyrinth

[lord_wizard]

[It's morning, and Felix is in the process of dressing for the day. He stands by the vanity mirror as he buttons up his waistcoat, thinking about how up and down he'd been for the last month. How little it had taken to knock him off balance. And as he's wondering this, he very suddenly starts to sing to himself.]

♪Call me a joker, call me a fool
Right at this moment I'm totally cool
Clear as a crystal, sharp as a knife
I feel like I'm in the prime of my life
Sometimes it feels like I'm going too fast
I don't know how long this feeling will last
Maybe it's only tonight♪

♪Darling I don't know why I go to extremes
Too high or too low there ain't no in-betweens
And if I stand or I fall
It's all or nothing at all
Darling I don't know why I go to extremes♪

[He turns away from the mirror then and looks at Ashura as he continues]

♪Sometimes I'm tired, sometimes I'm shot
Sometimes I don't know how much more I've got
Maybe I'm headed over the hill
Maybe I've set myself up for the kill
Tell me how much do you think you can take
Until the heart in you is starting to break?
Sometimes it feels like it will♪

♪Darling I don't know why I go to extremes
Too high or too low there ain't no in-betweens
You can be sure when I'm gone
I won't be out there too long
Darling I don't know why I go to extremes♪

[He starts pacing a bit as the song grows more impassioned and almost frantic]

♪Out of the darkness, into the light
Leaving the scene of the crime
Either I'm wrong or I'm perfectly right every time
Sometimes I lie awake, night after night
Coming apart at the seams
Eager to please, ready to fight
WHY DO I GO TO EXTREMES?!♪

[In the space where there would have been a piano solo there's an explosion of noise and crashing as he starts knocking this over, throwing books and clothes and other things all over the room]

♪And if I stand or I fall
It's all or nothing at all
Darling I don't know why I go to extremes♪

♪No I don't know why I go to extremes
Too high or too low
There ain't no in-betweens
You can be sure when I'm gone
I won't be out there too long
Darling I don't know why I go to extremes♪

[He's half in tears by the time it stop and then he just stands there in shock before placing a hand over his face]

...I am so sorry...

[It's not even clear who he's apologizing to and for what, even. He's not the best singer, certainly, but not the worst. Or maybe that it felt like he meant nearly every one of those words and there was nothing he could do about it. He's not even sure himself. Like usual.]

Comments

[kethedammit]

Maybe Mehitabel. [It's not like he got around to seeing Cardenio often.]

[lord_wizard]

I wouldn't mind seeing her again, as well.

[Translation: I miss her too]

[kethedammit]

Yeah, just, y'know. Not here.

[lord_wizard]

At this rate, it may happen anyway. It's not as if we'll see Mélusine again.

[kethedammit]

Got me there. I ain't exactly crying 'bout it, though.

[lord_wizard]

But it was your home as much as it was mine, circumstances not withstanding.

[kethedammit]

[Mildmay shrugs.] When we were leaving... even though everything was fucked up, and I ain't making light of that, it was still like the sun was coming out for the first time inna year.

[lord_wizard]

[There's a slight sob of a laugh that follows that]

I wish I had known that then.

[Though it's true he may not have taken the time to notice. He was too angry at himself and FOR himself that what he was doing to Mildmay came a very far second. But hindsight was very clear, and he'd had two years of that already. He'd been so sure that his brother would hate him for that. There was other things, but it was something to mark off the list]

[kethedammit]

Yeah. I ain't to good at telling people important shit, I guess. I mean, I know. I kinda figured that out the hard way.

[lord_wizard]

About what?

[kethedammit]

I dunno. About what I think.

[lord_wizard]

I think you do. You just never want to tell me.

[kethedammit]

Felix, if I ain't telling you, I ain't telling nobody.

[lord_wizard]

I wish you would...though I can understand why you don't.

[kethedammit]

Wish I would what?

[lord_wizard]

Talk to me. Tell me what you're thinking. Tell me when you need my help. I should be good for that much and nothing will ever change if you can't.

[kethedammit]

Shit, well... okay. I'll try. But you gotta- I dunno, just don't... don't use it.

[lord_wizard]

Use it? [A moment while Mildmay's meaning dawns on him] To make you tell me? [He sounds more horrified the more he talks] Why would you think...?

[Then a resigned sigh] No, of course you'd think that. I haven't given you much reason to think otherwise.

[kethedammit]

No, shit, I didn't mean that. I meant, like, don't use it against me, you idiot. ['Idiot' is said with a soft, fraternal sort of chastising fondness. A smile and a gentle roll of the eyes, in verbal form.]

[lord_wizard]

[Why is this so difficult? But the tone gets another shaky laugh out of him.]

You still speak in riddles.

[And there's a similar tone from him, although uneasy and somewhat strained]

[kethedammit]

Yeah, I guess. 'M trying not to. Used to be, I was too fucking thick for riddles.

[lord_wizard]

Too much time hanging around wizards, probably.

[kethedammit]

Maybe. Anyhow, I'll try'n, I dunno, talk better. Sorry.

[lord_wizard]

Don't be.