6 Famiglie~ [Accidentally Dictated]

[is_mafia]

[Giotto had woken up and he had known something was wrong immediately when he had looked at his hands and had seen the words on his knuckles and the familiar number on the palm of his hand. He had discovered his eye and the crest on his head a few minutes later, along with the blood flecks that bled through his clothes. Giotto had tried to scrub it all off, but it had stubbornly stayed imprinted on his skin. All he could think of was the castle had done this, and checking the journal, he found out that he wasn't the only one.

Currently he was trying to get dressed, and his clothes seemed to never fix, no matter what he did to them. His shirt stubbornly stayed wrinkled, his hair a mess, and red pinpricks of blood kept seeping through his shirt. His mismatched eyes stared back at him, and his hands shook as he tried to fix his tie (the eye seemed familiar, but he couldn't seem to place it). How had it even known exactly what his regrets and shames were? He didn't advertise it, he wouldn't admit to half of these things. It unnerved him, that a castle had this much power, to send him trembling and full of guilt and shame.

He couldn't even stand to look at himself right now. Angrily and feeling helpless, he kicked the mirror hard, cracking it.]

Damn it.

[He cut across to his desk, leaving the mirror, and quickly dictated a filter.]


I'm sorry, bambino, but I don't think we're going to have lessons today. [Tsuna couldn't, and shouldn't have to, see him like this.]

Comments

[is_mafia]

You say that now... [He shakes his head, still not meeting his eyes.] I used to think that too.

Until I started to lose them. Until it started to take them away. [And it was all his fault.]

[not_mafia]

Giotto...

[Tsuna's head bows a bit at that. He's quiet for a moment, before:]

No, I... I won't let that happen. I can't let that happen.

[is_mafia]

Then you are far better than I am. [He let Elena die, Daemon go mad, Cozart walk away... He gently ruffles Tsuna's hair, smiling sadly down on him.]

Don't be like me, Tsuna. Don't let your friends go.

[not_mafia]

[He can see the pain in Giotto's eyes when he says that, and it crushes him. That woman... Elena had been killed, and then Daemon had tried to make Giotto cold and ruthless, and then he could never see Cozarto again. That's what the eye was for, wasn't it? He blamed himself for Cozarto's self-exile...]

... maybe they'll come to Paradisa. And you could make things right with them here.

[is_mafia]

[He gives him a small, sad smile.] ...You are very optimistic, did you know that? Or perhaps your life has been luckier than mine. I hold no illusions that I will ever see them again.

[not_mafia]

Well, I know I've met at least one person that I never thought I would. [A small smile up at him.] It's not impossible. And just because you're the only one here from home from your time doesn't mean it'll stay that way. I was the only one from home from my time for a few months before some of my friends started showing up.

[is_mafia]

[Giotto sighs.] To be honest, I wouldn't want them here, trapped like we are here. [He shakes his head.] It's best if they stay where they belong, no matter how much I miss them.

[not_mafia]

...right.

[Giotto probably hated this place. Hated being trapped here, as helpless to do anything as everyone else was. Tsuna had strongly mixed feelings, but on a good day... he actually enjoyed being here, with the friends he's made. It's not to say he didn't miss his friends and family at home, but...

Somehow, there was always a touch of disappointment for him when he realized others really felt and were trapped here. Like Giotto.]

[is_mafia]

Anyway, I think I may be needed here more than there. [He looks fondly at Tsuna, before he looks away, back over his head.] Somehow, I think that I would just cause them more pain if I was home.

[not_mafia]

... that's not true. [He sounds firm when he says this. He doubted that Cozart ever blamed Giotto for what had happened, and Daemon...]

[is_mafia]

[Daemon did. He knows he did. Don't try to convince him he hadn't, Tsuna. And Cozart... he still felt responsible. If he hadn't been afraid of his power, if he had been a little smarter, none of this would have ever happened. People would still be alive.]

Even if it is true or not, it's for the best if they stay at home. Sadly, I can't control whether I stay or go.

[not_mafia]

[Goodness. He's kind of got this feeling for awhile, but it's really now that he's noticing how... utterly defeated Giotto is. Maybe he'd been half-expecting it, when he saw him give in to Cozarto, but it's still eye-opening. Defeated, and with so many regrets...

Is this what being a boss of the mafia held in store for him?]

[is_mafia]

[Giotto has no idea what Tsuna is thinking about, but he finally stands up properly, trying to smooth down his shirt. The wrinkles spring right back of course, and he has to stop himself from doing it again.]

You should probably go. But thank you for coming to check on me, bambino.

[not_mafia]

Giotto, why...

[Why are you like this? What happened to the boy who wanted to protect everyone? Why couldn't you calm Daemon from his rage, why didn't you fight to keep Cozarto?

What happened?

But he can't bring himself to ask any of it.

So he just nods, and moves towards the door.]

[is_mafia]

[Giotto knows he shouldn't ask Tsuna to finish that sentence. He knows that it's probably better if he doesn't. Better for the both of them, actually.

But he does anyway.]

Why what, Tsuna?

[It's almost if he's daring him to ask whatever he was thinking, daring him to call Giotto on his guilt and regret.]

[not_mafia]

[Tsuna's hand hovers over the doorknob when Giotto asks him.

He's not sure if he should ask such a personal question, but, it bothers him... and if he truly could not avoid his fate as the next Vongola boss... he needed to know.

At least he has the decency to turn around and look Giotto in the eyes when he says it. It's hard, but he does it.

He takes a breath, a false start, and then he gathers his courage...]

Why are you like this?

[is_mafia]

[Giotto laughs, and it's bitter. Because he knows exactly what Tsuna is asking him. Tsuna wants to know why he was bitter and jaded, he wanted to know why he regretted his choices, why he'd given up on thinking he'd ever bring people anything but pain and suffering. He'd honestly though Tsuna would back down at being asked, not turn around and ask it anyway.

He didn't want to answer that and shatter Tsuna's world. Tsuna thought he was some sort of hero, a person to look up to. But he wasn't that. Giotto was only human.

And in the end, he had ended up more like the villain than the hero he had always wanted to be.

So there was only one thing to do: pretend he had no idea what Tsuna was talking about.]

You're going to have to be more specific than that, bambino. I'm a lot of things.

[not_mafia]

[That laugh is honestly unnerving, and not one he would've thought to hear from Giotto. But he heard it and it's ringing in his ears, and the words that Giotto speaks makes his stomach sink.

He's afraid, for some reason. Afraid of what he will hear. He thinks about turning and running away, out the door, but suddenly he feels trapped, even though he can leave.

But he can't.

He swallows thickly.]

What happened? Why... [Say it.] why do you have so many regrets?

[is_mafia]

[A pause. Giotto owes Tsuna that much, to answer this question.]

Because I failed, Tsuna.

[He failed his friends, he failed his dream, he failed himself... Perhaps that was simplifying it, but that was the core.]

[not_mafia]

[He bites his lower lip.]

How? Why-- did you give up?

[is_mafia]

[He doesn't say anything. Had he truly given up? Was there anything he could even do anymore to make this better? He had already made a mess of everything. He knew Daemon would probably kill him if he didn't change his ways, it was only a matter of time. He was to blame, in a way, for Elena's death. Giotto was weak, and Daemon wanted a strong Vongola. if Giotto wouldn't change, he would replace him. Apparently he lived long enough to marry and have a child, but after that he knew that he could die at any time.]

[not_mafia]

[He winces a little, because that might have been too harsh, too direct a question.]

I-- I'm sorry. I'll leave now.

[is_mafia]

Don't be sorry. [He reaches over and absently ruffles Tsuna's hair, though his mind is a million miles away.]

Though you probably should go. I'm not quite good company right now.

[not_mafia]

[Tsuna feels so conflicted. A part of him wants to stay. He just wants to be here, so Giotto isn't left alone with these terrible regrets.

But then... all he really is is No-Good Tsuna. It's as plain as the mark on his forehead.

He gently grabs Giotto's hand off his head and squeezes it. It's the one with his mark on it, and he doesn't want to be another regret for Giotto. Even if he was terrified of the mafia, even if he wanted nothing to do with it...]

...It's not your fault.

[is_mafia]

[A small laugh, because it was. He was the one who started this Family, and it ended up destroying people. Destroying those he loved.]

If you say so, Tsuna.