xxii. dictated

[heloise]

When does one become, no longer a teenager, but an adult? I heard the drinking of wine will in the future be restricted to those older than eighteen, so does wine make an adult?

And what other licenses are given to someone with eighteen years? I should like to try them all.

Comments

[heloise]

Treason?

Why did you kill him?

[the_effect_she_has]

Well, I technically killed the old one by making his heart burst with laughing - or finally succumbing to his illness. The new one ... she killed my sister. She would have killed other little sisters. She would have been the same president, with a new face.

[She shook her head.] I couldn't let that happen.

[heloise]

[ She watches Katniss. Just a girl. But isn't she, too? Every child is capable of murder. ]

The first one died happy, and you have good reason for the second one.

[the_effect_she_has]

I didn't want him to die happy - but I ripped away everything else from him. I guess he was due that.

[She tucked her hair behind her ear, shrugging, faintly uncomfortable.] I did what needed to be done. [Murder wasn't something that came easy to her, but she was good at it.]

[heloise]

[ She goes to wander the orchards, settling to take a seat under the apple tree and gesturing for her to join. ]

Did the other big sisters not see your reason?

[the_effect_she_has]

I don't know. I assume I am standing trial, now. Not sure what the outcome is, really.

[She follows after her, looking around, feeling her shoulders draw tight like they do whenever she talks about her possible future.]

[heloise]

[ She pats the space beside her. Come sit! ]

Have you no way to affect it?

[the_effect_she_has]

No ... that arrow fired was my last real act of freedom, and defiance.

[She sat down next to Lucrezia, looking out to the forest.] Now I'm here, trying to figure out how to live, and not just ... survive.

[heloise]

Because what is the point of surviving then?

[ Really what is the point of living at all if you do not win? If you do not end up at the peak of the world? ]

[the_effect_she_has]

Exactly.

[Katniss never wanted to win, not that way. But she won because it kept her alive.]

[heloise]

[ Either you win or you die. ]

So then. We were talking about lovers.

[the_effect_she_has]

Well ... Possible lovers. I don't have one. Anymore.

[would she ever be past missing Peeta? Never. But she had to live. He would never forgive her if she didn't.]

[heloise]

But you will.

[ She reaches out a hand to brush back any stray strands from her face. ] You are pretty. It would be easy.

[the_effect_she_has]

[She made a face, shaking her head.] I'm scarred. And grubby. I needed my own stylist to make me beautiful.

[heloise]

Everyone has scars. [ Even Lucrezia?? Yes. ]

You should send this stylist away, he does you no service.