[Fifteen - Right Through The Eye] [Dictated]

[the_effect_she_has]

[Katniss had swung out of bed this morning - bruised, but clean. The sun shone through the windows of her cabin, and she could hear birdsong. She knew that yesterday was gone - Event Horizon was done - and she was here. So there was only one thing to be said, honestly.]

The Mockingjay is eighteen years old. I lived through two games, a war, and everything this Castle has thrown at me.

So ...

BITE ME, CAPITAL, and BITE ME, CASTLE!

[She grinned, fiercely, as she pushed herself to her feet.]

I'm going to the woods. Catch me if you can.

Comments

[unvarnished]

I'm not sure I'm the best person to give you advice on that. But just from what I've seen of you so far, you don't seem like the waiting type. You seem like the type to take action.

[the_effect_she_has]

[One corner of her mouth lifted up again, before she brushed hair out of her face. Grey eyes narrowed on him.]

Is that all you see me as? A girl -- young woman who is willing to be the hero for the hard parts, and not the easy ones?

[unvarnished]

[he tilts his head thoughtfully] And what do you think the easy parts are?

[the_effect_she_has]

[Now she's the one who has to think about it.]

Well, heroes are good with accolades. They also accept compliments - modestly. [She snorted quietly.] I never try to accept anything at all, if I can help it.

[She looks toward the window.] And they know people - not all their bad traits, but their good ones. They ... trust. They can be happy without needing the end of the world to nearly happen.

[unvarnished]

You think that's what heroes do? I've known my share who don't accept compliments; in fact, they insist on earning whatever kind of title people are trying to give them. And I've known my share of heroes who don't trust easily, who are sad just like the rest of us.

Heroes are human, Katniss. If they weren't, they wouldn't be very good heroes. They'd be.... too perfect, you know?

[the_effect_she_has]

Well, I guess that makes me a hero ... because I'm nowhere near perfect.

[She leaned forward a little more, looking hard at him.] I don't care - don't get that idea. But what do you think of me anyways?

[unvarnished]

I think you're a girl who's seen a lot of terrible things. You've lost people precious to you, you've lived through trauma even before coming here. I think you stay strong for others, even when inside you just want to retreat into the quiet forest. You're a fighter more out of necessity than desire.

You're like that light left over in Pandora's jar. You strike me as someone who wouldn't abandon people, no matter how terrible things get. Even if a part of you wanted to, you couldn't. ... How am I doing so far?

[the_effect_she_has]

She snorted softly, while she reached out for another hunk of bread, muttering quietly. "Sort of like you read my story somewhere ... or talked to someone I know. Or just know people far too well for your own good."

She sighed, shredding the bread in her hand. "You're right - thought - I could never ... ever leave someone behind. Not without doing everything I could to save them." She nearly died, three times over, in that attempt. "I don't like to kill, but I'm good at it. I don't like fighting, but I have to. It's how I've made it to here."

[unvarnished]

I have a pretty good sense for people.

[he picks at his own food, letting her talk. August does read things in people fairly easily. It was how he could say what he needed to get Emma to go along with him, how he managed to manipulate Gold. And it's how he's understanding Katniss now]

I'd say making it to here is pretty incredible.

[the_effect_she_has]

[She pursed her lips at that, looking up at him, her eyes still narrowed.] I knew someone like you, once. He had a good sense of people, too. Of course, I don't think he ever used it for his own advantage.

[Which, she could tell, August had.]

If I hadn't made it to here ... I know where I'd be. This is better. Marginally so. A cage is still a cage, though.

[unvarnished]

[he probably should feel bad about it, but he has a problem with understanding the impact of his actions. If they're not staring him in the face, he can't quite connect. It's only now after the fact that he realizes he shouldn't have used his skill like that]

Old habits are hard to break. It's something I'm working on.

[the_effect_she_has]

We're all working on something.

[She refilled her glass, letting herself be silent for a moment, before she spoke.] You try hard, don't you? To be a good person.

[unvarnished]

[having dug so deep into her, it's fair to give her this one]

It's harder for me than most people.

[the_effect_she_has]

[If you dug any deeper, August, she would have wondered if you were working for the Capital.]

Why is it so hard? [It's a small thing, but small things matter to Katniss.]

[unvarnished]

I don't always know right from wrong. My conscience... is very quiet. [and also a cricket]

[the_effect_she_has]

Don't you ever listen to your gut? [She tilted her head forward, looking at him seriously.] When I question my actions, I listen to my gut.

[unvarnished]

My gut's usually wrong. The only time I do anything right is when I listen to my heart.

[the_effect_she_has]

Oh well ... that's a whole region I've never understood. Or knew what to do with.

[She took another sip of cordial, and sighed quietly.] I am eighteen years old, and I still never could figure out how to reliably tell the young men I cared about how I felt. Now it's too late.

[unvarnished]

I'm thirty-five, and I'm not any better at it than you.

[the_effect_she_has]

[She looked up, surprised.] Really? You don't look that old at all.

[unvarnished]

[but it's the truth] I try to keep in shape.

[the_effect_she_has]

You do a good job. I'm impressed. I wouldn't have thought you much older than Finnick. Younger than Cinna, definitely.

[unvarnished]

[he smiles, ruffling a hand through his hair] Thank you.