106.9 - that's how it goes

[hard_talker]

It's 10 o'clock ... it's Monday ... we're all home, setting into our old routines, our old boring, stupid, Castle Wonderfuck lives ... but just remember, it's still a jungle out there. This is your old pal Hard Harry ... here we go.

[and this week, when the lyrics kick in, Mark actually starts singing along. once the first verse is over, he turns the stereo off and barely takes a breath before he's already starting in:]

Everybody knows, EVERYbody knows. You guys have been hearin' that song for weeks now, months, maybe even years if you've been around as long as yours truly. Maybe you know every single word by heart at this point, maybe you never even paid attention, but that song's always had a soft spot. I had a whole thing planned this mornin', thought it up starin' into my Frosted Flakes, wonderin' what I was gonna yell at you all about this time ... and then just now, I thought, you know what? Maybe we'll talk about Mr. Leonard Cohen for a minute.

He's the guy who wrote that, ya know. I'm not gonna bore you with any history lessons or tell you about how he's actually sort of a monk despite bein' a badass musician and a helluva poet, as cool as it is. It's just - that's always been my song. I've started my broadcasts off with it since day one ... I remember the first time I heard it, some old record my Mom buried in the back of a box when we moved to Arizona. Pulled it out and started listening to it outta - boredom? Curiosity? Destiny? Who the hell knows, but I fell in love with it right off the bat. Because it spoke to me. It said somethin' true, you know? It's true. Everybody does know. Everybody knows it's all piled up against us, we're all up shit creek without a paddle, and we're drownin' in it, WE'RE GOIN' DOWN! [he flails in his chair, spinning around, laughing for a moment] - Which is really a pretty sick image for those of you with overactive imaginations, now that I think about it. I'd apologize, but - PSHT. Since when the fuck have I ever? ... Anyway. The whole point Mr. Cohen was trying to make, far as Me Two Years Ago had it figured, was that yeah, everyone knew, but no one was doin' anything about... and it made him sick. And it made ME sick, too, made me wanna get up and shake the world like a rag doll or a fucked-up kid, till it actually either did somethin', said somethin', or, like the kid, puked on my shoes.

And it worked! God fuckin' help me, it actually kinda worked, and then I got dumped here just as the last of the fit was hittin' the shan. Just when I figured I was done, and shot, and fucked ... I got a whole new mess, a whole new flock of sheep to yell at: you guys. But I been here two years, and two years is a long time. It's a lotta time to sit here and realize that every person that wakes up under this stupid roof or between these stupid walls or crawls their ass outta the duck pond soakin' wet or wanders in from the woods gets told the same damn things by the same damn people.

Toboe, you've probably already heard most of it, as this week's lone honored new kid. You've probably heard at least one or two or five or ten people tell YOU what everybody knows. The castle's a dick, the kitchen's on the first floor, and sooner or later, whether we like it or not, everybody gets used to it.

Only - that's just it, isn't it? Everybody knows that shit! It's stale, it's old, we've heard it a billion times! So tonight? Tonight, Hard Harry here wants you to crack open your brains and tell us what you don't know. It can be the stuff that keeps you up at night, twistin' in your sheets, screamin' "why, why, WHY" at the ceiling, or the stuff that comes to you right smack in the middle of the same borin' shit you do every day and makes you go "what the fuck is up with THAT?"... just ... tell me: what doesn't everybody know?

Let's shake it up, toss a couple rolls of Mentos in, and see what blows.

Have a little thinkin' music, folks.

Comments

Dictated

[cyan_maid]

[Damn, Mark, this hits home for Jane, because if there's one thing an investigative lady wants to do, it's narrow down what she doesn't know. There's a hum before an answer.]

When you put it like that, I guess...there's still so much we don't know about this world for starters. But that might be a bit too broad for what you're looking for.

[hard_talker]

No way! It's like you said: for starters. C'mon, let's break it down! What's the first thing you'd want an answer for outta this place? First thing that pops into your head, doesn't even hafta be profound. Like: where the hell does the electricity come from?

You ever notice that? We got outlets but I never seen any fuse boxes around here!

[cyan_maid]

[There's a gasp.] You're right! And - and what of all the weird things in the Dead Zone? Where did any of that nonsense come from?

dictated

[manymoreteef]

I don't know why the castle chooses to put us on the losses it does.

[hard_talker]

Yeah, that always seems like a mixed fuckin' bag, doesn't it? I mean ... sometimes it's pretty obvious. One guy I knew wished up a whole new room and filled it fulla stuff, and then he couldn't talk for like, a week. So that was - BAM! - instant consequences. But other stuff? Like the fact that I've been turned into a plastic toy twice since I got here?

NO clue.

[manymoreteef]

[She chuckles]

That is very strange, Mark. I can't help but wonder about the reasoning behind my current loss. Of course it does make sense since it's now allowing me to converse with many people whereas I have some difficulty doing so at my actual age.

[written forever]

[thraxios]

I've never heard anything like this - music. [Was there a long pause between the writing of the words "this" and "music?" Maybe.]

/dictated back forever

[hard_talker]

Heh. My ma always said it's good to try new things. On occasion, she was full of shit, but ... I'm never gonna consider new music a bad thing.

Dictated

[wizard_redfive]

Geez... lay on the tough questions why don't ya? Let's see...

[Dairine roots through a couple options until she settles on this one:]

Why are some people so closed-minded.

[hard_talker]

Now there's a mystery for the ages if I ever heard one. Oooh, it's different, it's officially scary or bad, fuck that shit.

I mean, maybe it makes them feel safe? If they lock their mind up, it's like lockin' up their house, and nobody can get in.

Dictated

[i_demand_euphoria]

Where do we go when we die? [Not something a six year old would normally ask, but he never felt Pittsburgh was a satisfactory answer before.]

Re: Dictated

[hard_talker]

Wow, pick a toughie, why don'cha. That ... I think that's a rough question because it seems like everyone believes somethin' different. Me? God was actually here for a while and I got it on His personal authority that Heaven's a thing, but it's what we make it.

So ... like, say, you die and your idea of heaven is a giant tree fort stocked with all the stuff you'd ever need? That's where you go.

But it depends on what you believe.

[originalcopy]

Does this place choose to bring people from the same worlds at the most awkward points in their timelines out of spite or what?

[York and Carolina, North and South, Tex and him...Wash and apparently everyone. It seemed like they were all brought together at the worst possible combinations of times.]

[hard_talker]

My money's on yes, considerin' all the other shit it likes to put us through.

Speakin' of shit it puts us through, by the way? Thanks for lookin' out for my ass.

[well_assembled]

If this place draws us here, provides for us, feeds off us... What does it do to the others out there? The ones they found on the expeditions? What does it do to the people and things in world changes?

[hard_talker]

I think the reason the Dead Zone's the way it is that it can only reach out so far. That's why there was more than one castle, a long time ago - so the whole world was covered. But now it ain't. At least ... that's my theory.

[silentrunning]

[Chell's thinking. Thinking hard. Finally, at long last she speaks up.]

Well... These things may not be important to anybody else but me. But. Never look into the operational end of the Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device. Never put aluminum foil over a bowl in the microwave. All people are important, whether they're friends or enemies, and friends just may be the most important people of all. And perhaps most importantly of all, no matter how badly the Castle fucks us over, it can't take away the love people have for one another. Or the hate either. But I don't think it can feed on the love. I haven't figured out for sure.

[She pauses.]

God. I'm sappy. Sorry man. But that makes me think of things I've wondered about but don't have answers for. Some of these are trivial. Some are not. But I'm gonna throw them out there, just to see if anybody knows.]

What the hell is McDonalds? I know it's a restaurant, but the guy who advertises it looks weird and a little scary. Is the food really bad? How do you drive a car, and why would you want to? How is love for your friends different from love for your family? Why is it cats can never make up their damn mind whether they want to come in or go out?

And... one more. What do you mean about Mr. Cohen being a monk? What's a monk?

[And with that, she'll sit back. But you might have just opened a big old can of worms.]

I LOVE YOU.

[hard_talker]

[w e l p]

NO REALLY I DO

[hard_talker]

[Mark looks back at Nora ...]

WE BOTH DO

[eat_me_beat_me]

[She stares right back with a "what the fuck?" look on her face. Well... they have certainly been one HELL of an influence on this girl.]

[hard_talker]

..... You want me to answer those in any particular order, or what, grasshopper?

[hatesgoodbyes]

What's the definition of a real person. And really...who the fuck made it and who the fuck cares?

[hard_talker]

"Real" is such a bullshit word, anyway. Honestly, it's right up there with "normal".

Mark forever

[lord_wizard]

[It's straight to the filter because no matter who he goes to talk to, Gideon seems to be right around the corner, like he's haunting his social circle as well as the rest of his thoughts]

Would it be entirely self-serving to ask why it seems like Paradisa has made it a personal mission to torment me lately?

Or if you prefer a more neutral question, one that occurred to me sometime ago - do fish dream?

Felix, to end

[hard_talker]

Hey, man. [it's a casual, pleasant greeting, delivered with the kind of fondness he only reserves for old friends - shorthand designed to bypass the usual "glad you made it back, good to hear from you" stuff. he'll be saving the fish for a convenient subject change, because they'll need it, but first, he needs to get the worry out of the way]

Nah. I think everyone asks that at least once at some point. ... What's goin' on now? Do I need to come bring the nine-iron around?