paradisa | [One - Swish Stab Stab.] [Accidentally Dictated Action]

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tucker

[One - Swish Stab Stab.] [Accidentally Dictated Action]

[The first sound being recorded by Tucker's journal is simply a groan of pain. Of course, with Tucker, of course there was followed by a long string of - ]

Mother fucking fuck berries of fucking tosh fuckity ... and ow. Mother fucking ow.

[Tucker sat up in the middle of the garden of Cair Paradisa, feeling his eyes cross in his helmet, before he shook his head a little.] Shit, I really got to get off the 'get hit unconscious by the crazy bitch' train. Nurgh.

[Then he looked around, really around the garden. Then up at the castle.] ...shit. I've gotten hit so hard I've gone back to the fucking Medieval Ages. Shitfuckdamn, whose head am I in? If this is Caboose's head, then Church is right, this is the weirdest fucking happy place on Earth.

[He checked himself.] Welp, personal inventory time. Armor, check. Super-awesome sword, check. Big-ass gun, check. Weird ass journal that seems ... to be ... recording all the words I'm saying ...

[Blink. Blink.] ... and just when I didn't think this shit could get any weirder? It does.

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You have no fucking idea.

Holy fuck. The book is fucking talking back.

Sure fucking is.

Edited 2013-07-30 03:16 (UTC)

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[Oh it's going to get weirder Tucker, it's going to get weirder.]

You know Church?

[...No kidding.]

... and now the book is asking me about Church ... [hm.] You're not another one of his ex-girlfriends, are you?

[Hell no.]

Does he have a lot of those? For some reason I'm not surprised.

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How exactly do you know Church and Caboose?

...and now it's asking me, in another form of hand-writing, about my fucking team-mates. [He shook it a little.] Listen, if this is another Freelancer, alien-technology fuck-with-Tucker's-head-fest, you're about to get a sword where the sun don't shine, dickwad.

Worse. It's a magic journal from a magic castle.

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[Unlike everyone else, York actually seems to recognize the voice--though it takes him a moment to place it.]

Tucker?

[Tucker is wandering - er - scoping the gardens now - and someone actually calling him by name in the 'magical journal' catches his eye.]

That's me - and who the fuck would this be?

Freelancer York. Guessing you don't remember me, so here's the short version: we're stuck here, there's no way out until it decides to let you out, but on the plus side no Caboose.

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[Tucker]

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York

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[And appearing scrawled in his journal.]

Impressive swears. Can you teach me to swear that way? Also, what are fuck berries, and why was the crazy bitch hitting you?

Man, I can teach anyone to swear like that. It's all part of Tucker English, 101. And the crazy bitch was hitting me because I made a pass at her. She's very mean. And strong. And mean.

Still, her ass is smokin' in that armor...

[Consider yourself to have a student.]

I'd like a Tucker English dictionary please?

[OOC: OHMYGOD your icon keyword. Shrieks of laughter]

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[Now this guy is totally speaking her language. Which is to say swearing up a storm.]

Welcome to castle wonderfuck. Kitchen's on the first floor. Watch out for Carolina, she bites.

You know, that's the best name I've heard so far. Castle Wonder -- woah. WOAH. Carolina is here? [Thinking about that.] She still mad at me? I don't want to get hit back to the dinosaur age.

Shit, you know her? [Bonding over how horribpe she is?] Yeah man, you missed her emo hobo phase, she's full on rampaging bitch now. Run while you can.

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It'll continue to get weirder. [He piques his interest automatically just by saying "Church," of course.]

I'm starting to get that. Like nine levels of weirdness...

The name is Tucker.

Carolina. [Because she has no idea who this guy is, but he does know Church.]

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Dictated to end

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Tucker forever

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Tucker forever

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[What a well-spoken gentleman.]

I suppose a welcome is in order.

Sup baby? How's it swinging?

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ohh fuck.

[Heh.]

Sup Tex.

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