WROR - The Voice of Hogwarts

[hard_talker]

[it was true, Mark realized, he could have done this a lot earlier. He could have done it the first night, when everything was still fresh and new, and exciting: when those who knew what was going on were still jazzed about happening. but by this time, they'd had time to settle into Hogwarts, to get used to it all, to find their feet ... and so had he. and in settling in, he'd made quite fine use of the gift Hermione had given him: the Marauder's Map. over the course of the last few days, he'd snuck into the offices of his professors and the rooms of his fellow students alike when they weren't around, ferreting out whatever secrets they'd been foolish enough to leave out in the open.... secrets left for the taking, just like his father's desk at home, just like old times. gossip and hearsay and little tidbits of information that weren't necessarily meant for public ears. it was the kind of rush he hadn't felt in years, that of the journalist, of the reporter with the scoop ... that of the old, original Hard Harry. and in the spirit of all that, he found himself wondering if there were a way he could make it even more authentic.

on the third day of wandering, Hogwarts had given it to him: the Room of Requirement. he'd been pacing back and forth on the seventh floor, aimlessly, waiting for Professor Castiel to hurry up and leave his office already so he could raid it, and thinking about where on Earth he could hold his broadcasts. surely a place as full of secrets as this could have such a room, right? on his third lap around the hall, the door had appeared. not one to look an opportunity to explore in the mouth, Mark pushed the door open ... and found himself in just the sort of place he'd been looking for.

[so tonight, Monday night, just prior to 10 PM, he snuck out of Gryffindor tower with Nora in tow, and set everything up. he didn't need any broadcasting equipment, but the rest of it was all there: a stereo, stacks of CDs and cassettes he'd culled favorites from back in Paradisa, a table to sit at with a comfortable chair ... perfection. flopping down in the chair, he pulled a sheaf of notes out of his robes, undid the invisibility charm he'd cast on the ink, and made sure the journal was closed before pulling out his wand and speaking the two words he'd made sure to practice to perfection ever since he'd found the spell in one of his textbooks:]

Vox dissimulo. Testing, one, two, three ... o-ho-hoooo, perfect. [he grins - his voice now a bit deeper and a little more gravelly than usual: certainly not recognizable as the voice of everyone's favorite castle DJ, or of erstwhile Gryffindor Mark Hunter. satisfied with his anonymity, he cracks open the journal and lets the stereo play]

It's ten o'clock, do you care where your professors are? This is Hard Harry, hexin' away those Hogwarts blues with a little attitude for your evenin'. So shove that homework off to the side, and if you've got a wand out, you'd better be usin' it to turn your housemates' frowns upside down.

You know, yours truly has been making the rounds of our hallowed halls these past few days, and I gotta say, I haven't seen this many hookups between faculty since Clueless came out. Everywhere I look, someone with a roll call roster's makin' goo-goo eyes at somebody! Listen to this: I found not one, not two, but five attempts at love notes in Professor Harrowgate's desk. I'm not one to read and tell, but he's got more History with their intended recipient than we do on Thursday mornings. The groundskeeper's keeping more than just the Quidditch pitch in good working order, let's put it that way ... and oh, while we're at it, let's talk about professors and some of those Seventh-year students! A couple of you can't even wait for them to graduate before you give 'em your ... eheh heh ... "accolades". So, kids, if you're lookin' to suck up and get better grades in Herbology or Ancient Runes, you're barkin' up the wrong tree, and you'd better just give up the ghost now and do your damn homework. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news.

I could give you the latest on that dragon on the grounds, or even on the upcomin' Quidditch match, but you all talk about that enough on your own. Let's think a little bit about magic, shall we? I mean, it's important, ain't it? It's the reason we're all here, in more ways than one: and more than a few of you out there know what I'm talkin' about.

I know some've you are half-Muggle, or if you ain't, some of you've at least had to sit through what Professor Crowley thinks passes for Muggle Studies class... and if you have, you've heard that Muggles think that magic is this fantastic thing that'll just instantly make everyone's lives easier. I knew a guy who used to read book after book after book about magic, and wizards, and witches, and think "hey, that's the way to go. Just the right spell, just somethin' to get me goin' in the right direction, to make this one little problem go away, and I'm set".

Thing is: you get here, in these great big ridiculous halls with the movin' tapestries and the portraits of great wizards, and all the books and the learning and the charms could give you any spell you ever thought possible ... and we've still got dragons, and people playin' pranks and curses on each other, and Assistant Professors with debt up to their eyeballs, and petty little rivalries and stories about old wars and Death Eaters ... and it turns out, no matter which side of things you're on, whether you're a Squib, a Muggle, a pureblood, or a half-blood ... or none of the above for whatever reason? ... Life's still eventually gonna suck.

Food for thought, folks. Turns out sometimes a magic wand actually just makes life a lot more complicated. ... And a lot more interesting. No matter what we get outta this education we've got going, here? ... I don't think I'd trade it for anythin'. And we should all be pretty glad to be here, if you ask me.

Now, how 'bout a little night music ... those of you who were with us last go-round, I know I promised someone a little Zappa to zap the blues away ... so here's that and a few surprises, plus a classic by the Weird Sisters for you die-hard wizarding rock fans.

[annnnd on go the rest of the tunes. happy Monday, Hogwarts.]

Comments

Filtered to Hard Harry

[cyan_maid]

Hmm...you've got quite the informant on all that gossip, don't you? Peeves isn't whispering in your ear, is he?

[hard_talker]

A gentleman never asks, and a Gryffindor never tells.

Dictated

[deductiongeek]

[Conan coughs.]

I think you might be mistaken there.

[hard_talker]

On which part?

[courageous_wit]

[you just said the nicest thing you could about her school, and that is why you are the best DJ ever]

Lovely to hear from you again, Hard Harry.

[hard_talker]

Thanks, Hermione. Havin' a good week?

[filtered to Hard Harry]

[thraxios]

[He knows he should be taking points and making some attempt at discipline, but Gideon is only human--and his thoughts have been snagged on one part of the broadcast.]

Love notes?

/to end

[hard_talker]

Ohhhh, sounds like someone never got the final draft. The plot thickens.

[silentrunning]

[Chell doesn't recognize your voice, dude... BUT she remembers Para, even IF the Castle chose to turn her dog into a freakin' toad to suit Hogwarts specification... Or maybe it just gave her a toad. She's unsure. But either way, she knows who Hard Harry is. And she starts cackling at the gossip.]

Ooohhh. this is great, Harry. Do tell me more.

[There's the sounds of her scooting a huge pile of textbooks sideways off her desk. They clatter to the floor with a hard thump.]

Mind if I bitch for a minute? I like learning, as much as anybody. But why so much homework? Are the professors just intent upon keeping us busy so we don't get in trouble? Haven't they figured out that kids rebel when pushed?

[Oh holy shit, Chell. You're sounding like someone from Paradise Hills without even knowing what that is.]

[hard_talker]

You can bitch as much as you want! As for the homework, welcome to regular school, without the portals. Well. As regular as it gets when your subjects are Charms and Potions and shit like that.

They think the homework helps us remember everything better. Me, I say if you want me to learn something well, have me do it a bunch'a times, not just write about it.

Hard Harry

[lord_wizard]

[Felix has absolutely no memory of Mark or his escapades and what might have been amusing to him in another time and place is absolutely rage-inducing here.]

How dare you

[hard_talker]

[whoa. okay, that's a big red flag that Felix isn't himself this week. duly noted. he'll be sure NOT to mention Ashura, then - for all he knows, Felix really IS in love with Gideon again until he's back to himself, and he doesn't want to pour salt in the wound before it's even opened.

so he does the only thing he really can do: he trolls. oh, does he troll.]

Oh come on, Professor, no respect for journalistic initiative and integrity?

Hard Harry

[both_neither]

Life is always complicated. But this is a new complicated.

I kind of like it.

...are you, you?

Gren

[hard_talker]

Do I sound like anyone else, man? [he laughs] I found a way around my loss, that's all, but it's only 'cuz suddenly I know how magic works. I take it you remember good ole Castle Wonderfuck, yourself?

[youfallback]

No one's making goo-goo eyes at anyone else. [She sounds just a little defensive about it.] And I know how and why to do homework.

[hard_talker]

Oh look, Ravenclaw's on the air! Tell me, how'd it feel to get your asses handed to you by Slytherin earlier this week?

Harry

[the_effect_she_has]

[She snorted softly.]

Harry, I don't know if you're you or not ... but if you are, thanks. I needed that.

Katniss

[hard_talker]

Sure am. ... How 'bout you? You doin' okay? I mean - even if you're still you, you play one hell of a Quidditch game.

[said the commentator.]

Accidentally dictated;

[putuporshutup]

[Meg glares at the source of the broadcast and grumbles] Damn right you're barking up the wrong tree if you want better grades in Ancient Runes.

[hard_talker]

Hark, another country heard from ....

[ino]

"Accolades", huh.

[ she ain't even mad, in fact she sounds amused ]

[hard_talker]

Hey, I call 'm like I see 'm. I take it you still remember the hallowed halls of our old alma mater, Wonderfuck?

[eat_me_beat_me]

[Nora's content to dance in circles across the floor, grinning at her boyfriend. Now THIS felt right.]

[hard_talker]

Isn't this just the best week ever? [he gets up to dance with her, spinning her around]

dictated

[kungfuwitch]

[Have some laughing, Harry. It's borderline cackling.]

Oooooh what other dirt did you dredge up?

[hard_talker]

..... I'll be damned. [NO WAY, AUNT PHOEBE. he grins]

Well, depends, how bad you wanna know?

[Written]

[ofthursday]

No one receives better grades based on anything other than their schoolwork, nor does anyone receive 'accolades'.

[Whoever you are, you're a brat. And when he figures out you've been in his office and... who you are which is important he is going to exercise his rarely-used points-deducting powers. Be afraid. >:c]

[hard_talker]

Bla Bla Bla. Little late to try and close up the cave now that the dragon's out, ain't it?

[indirectcause]

Giving it to the man even in a completely different magical castle, huh?

[Never change, bro]

[hard_talker]

You know it! .... But Jesus Christ, dude, how cool is that Quidditch thing? I never thought about bein' a sports announcer, but if I could have that gig for a while, I totally wouldn't complain. Keepin' tabs on that was a blast.