107.9 - End of the Dial

[hard_talker]

[ten PM, on the dot, and the gravel tone of Leonard Cohen's voice comes drifting out of the journals, informing people like clockwork about all the things that Everybody Knows. your host lets the music run a little longer than usual, tonight, then fades it out]

Hey, folks, welcome to Monday night. This is your old friend Hard Harry with your weekly dose of attitude and tunes, and a little bit of the news if we're lucky. ... We've had some random happenstances ... one of the dryers was walking around on its own, so whoever decided to play God with modern appliances? Kudos for not doing it with the toaster oven or the food processor.

We've only got one newbie this round, so everyone say hi to Ellie! Sorry for puttin' you on the spot, but it's hard bein' the only new kid on the block.

[there's a brief pause as he lights up a cigarette and kicks back in his chair, watching Cohen the iguana chow down on his dinner] ... You know, now that I think about it, I've been here for long enough to go through the entire FM dial for broadcast frequencies. That's about two and a half years... and I'm still callin' em newbies. Why is that? Why don't we have our own word for it, some kinda Castle Wonderfuck slang? And for that matter, why don't we have more slang in general?

Think about it. You can usually tell where people are from by what they call stuff: whether it's a planetary thing, a language thing, or just a regional thing. In America, on Earth, where I'm from, you know where a guy's from if he calls this ice-cold Pepsi sittin' on my desk a soda, a pop, or a cola. What I call a sweater, someone in London calls a "jumper", and don't even get us talking about what kind of chips we each like, that just ends in Migraine City.

But I haven't ever really heard anything like that crop up here! Have any've you? I mean, sure, we've got "losses" and wishes and ghosts, and the Insolitus, but ... we don't really have any nicknames for things, any expressions that're just for ... well, for Paradisa people! I say we start comin' up with a few. For example: say you just put up some ridiculous thing on CastleNet, and now people won't stop simultaneously playing with it and cursing your name. Congratulations, you just Pulled A Crowley. If something's been around longer than you can remember, it's Older Than Allen ... or maybe Older Than Ino if that floats your boat more. Maybe you made plans to do something, and it was going along just fine and then suddenly blew up in your face for no reason whatsoever. BAM! Sorry, but you just got your ass Microwaved. See where I'm goin' with this? We could have as many of 'em as we've all probably got dust bunnies under our beds. So put your thinkin' caps on and let me know some of your best. Let's build our own language, here. Have a little fun.

And if that ain't enough to float your boat? I got to thinkin', and I used to do stupid contests on the air back home, once in a while. How 'bout one of those? I'll give a big, fat, ridiculous lookin' trophy - we're talking Stanley Cup, drink-a-gallon-of-punch out of it calibre - to whoever can go 'round the castle and collect the most ...

[and that's where he hits a snag. the problem with spur of the moment things is that you haven't thought them through. he scans what he's said so far that night, and snorts, amused. yeah. that'll work]

... dust bunnies.

Send 'em in pillowcases, care of Hard Harry. May the best Wonderfucker win, and leave everyone else - well, eheh - in the dust. I'm gonna kick off tonight's set with somethin' by my old friends The Modern Lovers. Have a good week, folks. Next Monday we'll be on A.M band, rockin' it old school.

[and on goes the music!]

Comments

[rightjollyoldelf]

Hah! A competition! Is best idea!

...I will win!

[silent_guardian]

[Hey, North, is that black marker crossing out the "I" in that last sentence? I think it is.

It's soon replaced by a little crudely drawn silhouette of yours truly]

[thatrabbitsdynamite]

Are dust bunnies even-

[NO. No. Logic needs to be thrown out of the window the second he sees his fellow guardians comments]

Oh please. If anyone is going to win at finding dust bunnies, it's going to be the bunny.

[hard_talker]

... Oh boy.

[something tells him he may have created a monster without even realizing it. WHAT HAS HE DONE]

[indirectcause]

I think I missed something important with the microwave.

[Sorry he is not sorry for your new slang, Paradisa]

Hope you haven't got allergies, man, or those dust bunnies will be a bitch.

[hard_talker]

Oh, that? Yeah, uh ... It blows up a lot. I'm surprised it hasn't since you got here, honestly.

[indirectcause]

Pretty sure if I go stand next to it, it'll blow up in no time.

[beastisbeauty]

I'm not a linguist, but that language idea is interesting. I'm not much for following, much less creating, trends, but it'll be interesting to see what people come up with.

Wh-what are you going to do with pillowcases full of dust bunnies?

[hard_talker]

Hey, thanks. And honestly, it's good to hear someone around here doesn't default to Castle Sheep Mode.

As for the bunnies, I ain't sure yet. Depends on how many people decide to actually do somethin'.

[beastisbeauty]

You're welcome. I wouldn't call myself a sheep, but not a wolf either.

Let me know how that goes? It'll be interesting to see what happens.

[cyan_maid]

Hoo hoo! I think 'Wonderfucker' might be a bit much for the younger residents, but I like this idea! Our very own idioms!

[hard_talker]

Well, they can use it when they're older and still lookin' like they're twelve, then. ... Got any ideas?

[cyan_maid]

Maybe for something extraordinarily strange, even for Paradisa, we could call it 'crazier than an eight-legged sheep'?

Action

[babyaliendaddy]

I say we call all the new kids 'flesh shields'.

[And that sure is Tucker, at the door of your room, eating a chicken leg off of his plate filled with chicken legs, in his boxer shorts. Because that's how Tucker rolls. You go wandering through the halls with a snack, then you find a guy with a microphone? You just chill and wait for him to finish up his cool speech.]

[hard_talker]

[Mark looks up from his desk and laughs, because what else are you gonna do at a sight like that]

Flesh shields, huh? ... Bit heavy on the war metaphor for a crazy magic castle. You sharin' those?

Action

[babyaliendaddy]

Hm. We could call them Keebler Elves. Like, baby elves. And we're like, the Lord of the Rings kind.

[He held out his plate companionably.] Sure, dude, s'not like we'll run out.

Dictated - written

[the_effect_she_has]

Play me something that makes me want to live, Mark. To just ... go out and dance.

[She thinks about it.] And, ah, how long have Nora been together?

[hard_talker]

Somethin' that makes you wanna live, huh? [does that mean she doesn't? Mark instantly worries. but he knows how to listen to his listeners, so soon enough, Katniss will get this classic piped over the journal]

Me an' Nora? Uhhh ... 'bout ... Jesus, it'll be three years around New Year's.

Dictated - written

[the_effect_she_has]

Yeah ... I'm trying to figure out how to let go. [She taps her foot to the song, humming it, before she starts dancing around her cabin.]

So, how did you get together? Did she ask you out, did you ask her?

[a_11]

Not exactly an award-winning treasure hunt.

[hard_talker]

Speak for yourself, dust bunnies are valuable on some worlds.

[a_11]

Name one.

[Because really?]

[silentrunning]

[Chell's scampering around under her bed digging for the ilusive dust bunnies, so her voice might sound muffled.]

Well, if you got so bored you decided to do something ridiculous, you pulled a Chell... Hey. What IS Castle Net anyhow? Where do I find it?

[hard_talker]

[he laughs] Sounds legit!

CastleNet? It's on the computers! You have one, yet? Pretty sure wishin' one up wouldn't be hard. [he can understand if she doesn't, though, because, well. he's got a feeling Aperture would put a general distrust of computers into ANYONE]

[silentrunning]

No... I don't have a computer...

[She rummaged and snatched a dust bummy.]

Do computers try to kill you? I'm guessing not, but I've never seen one here.