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[acesarewild]

[while everyone else on the castle grounds is probably getting ready for the expedition, anyone around the duck pond will notice something straight away: a man breaks the surface of the water with a screech:]

--- IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKKKKKKE!

[he coughs, splutters, and gasps for air for a moment, then looks around, wide-eyed]

I'm alive! ... I'M A-LI-HI-HIIIIIIIIIIIVE.

[he throws back his head and laughs maniacally. as he's doing so, Pickles the alligator pops up beside him and regards him critically. dude, cut it out.]

AHA-HA----

[his head snaps to one side dramatically, and he has half a second of "oh SHIT" plastered on his face before Pickles snaps at him. down he goes ....

... only to surface moments later riding the alligator like a bronco]

YEEEEEEEEE-ha! Yippie ki-yay, Crocodile Dund--

[he stops, still sitting on Pickles' back, and frowns]

Waaaaaaait a second. You're not a crocodylus niloticus, you're --

[splash. Pickles throws him off and they're at it again. a little more thrashing and splashing, and Ace hauls Pickles up onto the edge of the duck pond shore, panting] Larger snout .... wider upper jawline ... [another deep, gasping breath for air] ... decidedly darker scale pigmentation and I'm puh-retty sure you'd have had to been eating rocks for your teeth to be this dull. YOU SIR, are an alligator mississippiensis. Something VERY WEIRD is going on here.

[no duh, Ace. he looks around, finally realizing something pretty important:]

Hooooooooooooooooly shitballs, Toto, we're not blessing the rains down in Africa anymore.

((OOC: Heeeeere's Ace. As he is prone to being a bit of a jerkface, please do me a favor, hop over to his journal, and let me know what he can get away with? Thanks!))

Comments

[onlyanapple]

[Crowley's watching this from his leaning spot on the tree]

Just when you think you've seen everything, something new happens to prove your wrong.

[acesarewild]

[Pickles is still struggling in a semi-decent headlock as Ace's eyes flick up to look at him]

Ohhithere. Interesting place you've got here. Don't suppose you could tell me where I am? Left turn at Albuquerque and all that.

[onlyanapple]

Albuquerque is quite a way off. This is Paradisa, magical castle of kidnapping fun.

[acesarewild]

[Ace squints at Crowley, then lets poor Pickles go. he's more than happy enough to retreat back to the duck pond away from the crazy man. mun is pretty sure Wybie didn't raise no killers]

... Magical kidnappings, huh? ... [he takes off his Hawaiian shirt and wrings it out] Then they must not realize they're dealing with ... [he snaps the shirt decisively, tails of it inches from Crowley's face]

A detective.

[onlyanapple]

[Boy was good like his grandma taught him. Crowley passively steps back]

Oh. Another one. Joy, as if we didn't have enough of those already.

[acesarewild]

[he wasn't trying to whip you, Crowley, he was just being his natural massive troll self. he puts the shirt back on, not really caring that it's still sopping wet]

What is this, then, some kind of convention?

[onlyanapple]

I don't think there's enough of you to be a convention. More like an annoyance.

[acesarewild]

Somehow I don't think that's the proper herd terminology. Either way. .... Directions to a bus station would be good, I .... Kinda have to go stop a war.

[onlyanapple]

You won't be doing that for a while, I'm afraid. No bus stops, either.

[acesarewild]

What about a subway? ... Amtrak?

[onlyanapple]

There are horses.

[acesarewild]

[he breathes in slowly, as though he's about to heave a great sigh of defeat.

BUT THEN]

Monorail?

[onlyanapple]

Horses.

And that mongoose dragon.

[eat_me_beat_me]

[Nora had been sprawled on a blanket with a sketchbook and a boombox when the man had surfaced. She sits up, watching incredulously as he... wrestles the alligator...]

And it didn't even take a tornado to get you here. [She smirks] Welcome to Castle Wonderfuck. Leave your sanity at the door.

[acesarewild]

[Ace instinctively looks down at Nora's feet, still keeping his hold on the alligator for the time being]

You've still got your shoes. I must be safe. Tell me, when does the lollipop guild show up? Because otherwise there aren't going to be any suckers around here. Really. Where am I?

[eat_me_beat_me]

I'm sorry, are you calling me a witch or a munchkin? 'cause neither one's very flattering.

[She's laughing, though]

Right now? You're in the duck pond.

[acesarewild]

Naaaaaaaaaaaaah, a pond? I'd'a never guessed. Even if honestly it was supposed to be the Congo, last I checked. [once he notices that Pickles has calmed down, he lets him go and rolls off onto the grass]

See? I'm not trying to take over your pond and eat all your fish, I was just thrown in by despicable nasty horrible native-framing poachers. We cool?

[Pickles flops down on the bank. good god, why do all the crazy people keep landing in his pond]

Alllllllrightythen.

[eat_me_beat_me]

[Nora gives the alligator a leery look before turning back to the strange man]

Wrong again, Dorothy, but thanks for playing. This is Paradisa, AKA Castle Wonderfuck AKA weird-ass magical castle. We've all been taken here from our own times and places and dumped here til it sends us home again.

[acesarewild]

Oh, he'll be fine, he's just gotta crawl it off. [Ace waves a hand]

I'm sorry, could you say that into my good ear? I thought you said we'd been taken from "times and places and dumped here".

[eat_me_beat_me]

You've got it. We've been kidnapped by a magical sentient castle that likes to fuck with people for some reason no one's been able to figure out.

The kitchen's on the first floor and you've got a room somewhere in there. It'll have your name on the door.

[acesarewild]

[he stares at her for a moment......]

Alrighty then. I'll take "waking up any minute now" for five hundred, Alex.

[eat_me_beat_me]

[Oh she likes you. Two can play at this game.]

And the answer is: "A place that is fucked up enough to be a dream, yet is not a dream."

[acesarewild]

What is "East Miami after midnight", Alex.

[eat_me_beat_me]

[She makes a buzzer noise]

Sorry, wrong answer. We were looking for "Paradisa" but thanks for playing.

[solowingpixy]

[Pixy was wandering the grounds today with his shiba puppy at his heels and he just stops at that display. He watches and just... judges. Judging that guy so hard. There's something weird going on and Pixy's not so sure it's the castle anymore.]

... people keep alligators in that damn pond?

[acesarewild]

APPARENTLY.

[Ace lets the gator go, tentatively, and it beats a retreat back into the pond, presumably to tell the Tentacruel and the giant squid to stay the hell away from the crazy new guy]

Funny, I thought koi were the chosen quaint aquatic animal feature. ... Ace Ventura, pet detective. Don't suppose you could tell me the way to Nibia?

[solowingpixy]

Nothin' should surprise me in this place anymore.

[He'll fold his arms and raise an eyebrow. This guy's the last person he'd ever think of associating 'Ace' with.]

Can't say I know the way from here. Nor would anyone in this place. You're way off course, pal, and you won't be gettin' back on track anytime soon.

[acesarewild]

Oh really. [his voice goes low and he walks up to Pixy, getting right in his face]

Is that a threat?

[solowingpixy]

[He doesn't even move, but he's certainly judging even more at this guy's lack of care of personal space.]

No, it's merely a fact. Because you're not in your own world anymore.

[acesarewild]

Oh, so it's "your world", is it, pal? That how you wanna play it? [he whips off his sopping wet shirt and starts twisting it like a towel, giving Pixy his best Clint Eastwood sneer]. Good thing I'm feeling lucky, punk.

[solowingpixy]

[Just casually raising an eyebrow. Really, dude?]

You sure you're feelin' lucky? Because you're wrong about it being mine. [He points his thumb over his shoulder.] If it was, this place would have different scenery goin' for it.

[shortishandbossy]

[The Lorax is watching from a reasonable distance, not sure if this counts as some type of animal abuse or not. Oh well, better yell at this weirdo anyway]

Just what do you think you're doing, kid?

[acesarewild]

In the words of the Bee Gees? [he pants, letting the gator go now that he's on solid ground]

Stayin' alive. [he slicks the water back from his hair and salutes Pickles with his best Bogart impression] You were good, kid. Real good. Didn't mean to drop in on ya like that.

[shortishandbossy]

You could have hurt that thing.

[acesarewild]

No harm no foul, though, right? [he pauses, looks over and down, and realizes who he's been talking to]

Excuse me, but ... I think those darts may not have completely worn off, because you're looking a little short and orange.

[shortishandbossy]

What, you got a problem with short and orange? [He crosses his arms and tries to draw himself up a bit. It doesn't work at all]

[acesarewild]

No, some of my best friends were cheetos. .... Of course, I was hallucinating then, too....

[shortishandbossy]

Well first of all, I'm not a Cheeto. I'm the Lorax.

[acesarewild]

Not just any Lorax. Ahaaaaaa. [he nods, understandingly. he gets you, man, he gets y --

no he doesn't]

What's a Lorax?

[shortishandbossy]

The guardian of the valley in my world.

[acesarewild]

And so this is your world?

[he looks vaguely disturbed. maybe he didn't make it over that waterfall after all]

[shortishandbossy]

What, Paradisa? No, this isn't anything like my world.