paradisa | 1/003: THE PART WHERE HE TESTS YOU.

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wheatley

1/003: THE PART WHERE HE TESTS YOU.

"Well, I did tell you did I not that I would contact you another time for some follow up's didn't I, love? Well, I know I didn't give you much time to recover, but that time is now! Go on, get your athletic wear, find your sweatpants, and we're going to go through something... a bit of an intense training. I hope you've been practicing! Cause, well I guess if you weren't... that's not good. Oh, well, I guess we'll just wing it then. Come on, meet me back at the staircase, wi-will ya?

Filtered to everyone else EXCEPT Maya:

[ACTION WOULD BE PREFERRED. If it's action, you'd actually see Wheatley hanging around the grand staircase, pacing back and forth, in his usual lab coat, holding a clipboard where his... Journal is opened. He looks a bit frazzled, and like he hasn't gotten sleep in days.]

"Does anyone know any quick tactics of... of proper... proper... s-social communication by any chance? Like... like how you're supposed to treat... treat people by any chance? In... common conversation?

I kinda need a quick, a quick bit of a rundown on that. Maybe, maybe a little practice? Y' know, being an AI and all, not really knowing how to be a... um... a um proper bloke is all. Not like I consider any of you humans to be proper. Just... just saying. There's there's this girl, and well... frankly I don't want to make a fool of myself. It'd be... be unfortunate if I really messed up. Not anything too grand or anything, obviously... but anything would be great."

[HEAVILY IMPLYING ASSUMPTIONS THAT ARENT THERE. FANTASTIC.
FEEL FREE TO BE AS RIDICULOUS IN YOUR RECCOMENDATIONS AS POSSIBLE.]

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[What do you know? There's a teenage troll lurking about the staircase that just so happens to over hear this. She'll just chime in from several steps up.]

Just be nice!

[WHAT IS THAT. Whatever it is, it certainly isn't human. Wheatley unknowingly cringes when he first sees the stranger, but manages to save himself ~~barely~~ by clearing his throat and adjusting his tie.]

"A-ahem. Be nice? Oh well that's all? Great, great. Unfortunately humans are sensitive things. I've always heard humans saying the nicest thing is honesty, and yet- and yet believe it or not, when I AM honest, I only get judged. "Ohhhh Wheatley, you're awfulll, Wheaaatley how could you say that? Wheatley I'm not fat!". They're the most difficult creatures to understand. N-nothing but contradictions, it's impossible. It obviously can't be that."

[When he speaks, he goes a mile a minute, it's almost hard to understand.]

[At that, she giggles and moves down a few steps.]

I know! I don't think that is just humans, though. That could go for just about anyone. What was the word they used... [Tact. It's tact, Nepeta.]

The point is, you just have to be careful with the truth! Honesty is the best policy, except when it hurts feelings. Then it is probably better not to be one hundred percent honest. Or just tell them in the nicest way possible!

"Tell me about what you do- nono, what you would do... if you were trying to... hmm, trying to be friendy with someone, what- what would you say? What would youuu say? Like, alright love... pretend, let's pretend that I'm one of your best mates, how would you greet me?"

[He turns to her, and drops the clipboard on the ground.]

[Wheatley what are you doing. Are you sure you want to do this.

Wheatley, think about this.]

If you were my best mate? Hmm...

Okay!

[And with that, she flings herself toward him for the biggest, most loving pouncegreet of them all.]

[Here is a 7+' armored Space Maine. BB's integrated, of course, but for the moment keeping quiet and hidden and attached to her optic nerve for the moment, internally suggesting Naomi go introduce herself.]

[Not that Naomi has much of an answer for Wheatley. Her civilian experiences are still precious few.]

You're the one with the experiments, right?

"Ahh!"

[OH GOSH. Wheatley's eyes just kinda widen, and he falls over, and slides backwards.]

"Ahgh...abdjbg...ba... This- this is normal? Who are your m-mates? Are- are they made of some sort of... s-some sort of insane indestructible bouncy material? Or- or are you some sort of concealed hit man? Who happens to like to kill their mates??"

[Wait no. Don't forget... this is supposed to be normal, Wheatley.]

"Eh?"

[He turns to the "stranger, and nods a million times, setting the clipboard down on the ground and approaching.]

"Ah, yes yes, yes that is me. Actually, The names- the names Wheatley actually. Have- have we met? We probably haven't, it's nice to know that my name is swirling around this castle though. It's like, well it's like being some sort of celebrity. Hehe."

[Naomi doesn't move, watching him approach impassively a moment before removing the helmet. Her skin is extremely pale, almost to a point of appearing translucent, and her hair isn't much lighter.]

We haven't met, but you spoke with my friend.

[Wheatley stops when he's directly in front of her. He's observing her closely. Very closely. He tends to do this with people he's just met.]

"Hmm, really now love? Who's your friend?"

[She's used to being stared at, and while the close proximity is a little unnerving, there's part of her that's having the same thought that BB did in that Wheatley reminds her a lot of Philips. It's reassuring, in a way.]

Black-Box? He might have introduced himself as BB.

[BB is currently watching from Naomi's point of view with what could be described as a giddy enthusiasm.]

[Being that he has no clue this is Maya we're talking about, this can't possibly go badly! ~~ahaaaa~~

...well then, he's headed down the staircase, on his way outside to take a walk, when he notices this fellow in a lab coat, looking for... tips for talking to a girl.]

...hey, uh... so I couldn't help but overhearing... I think if you're wanting to talk to this girl, you should just, you know, be friendly, and don't say anything creepy or weird.

[So specific. So helpful.]

"B-

[HNGH. Wheatley suddenly steps back and turns around, adjusting his glasses.]

"Oh. S-so you know him, love? I- I had no idea. Are you... are you an AI?"

[He looks back to her.]

"Eh?"

[He turns around to see the bloke and gives him the most relieved look in the world. He immediately approaches him.]

"Oh-oh is that so? Maybe you want to, I don't um know... just, just be a bit more specific than that mate. Friendly isn't really a specific action, and not creepy is- well that's just too vague mate, just too vague. Like, like here we go..."

[He backs up.]

"Let's do a pretend shall we? You- you pretend that I'm one of your best mates. Go on mate, greet me. What would you say... assuming I was a girl of course, which I'm not... this. This is just pretend."

[BB can't help it. Oh, how he enjoys reactions.] Pleasure to meet you in the flesh, so to speak.

He is, I'm not. His chip is integrated in my Spartan Lance, in addition to my Neural Interface.

All UNSC have the neural import, but only Spartans get the lance in order to work with the armor.

[This guy's body language is making Phoenix nervous, and he frowns at the peculiar request.

...but, ah well. He's not in any big hurry to just go walk around outdoors, so he might as well humor the guy.]

O...kay... uh, I'd probably say, "Hey! How've you been?" And maybe wave a little.

[He kinda attempts to mimic Wright's movements, but he's awkward. Oh... so awkward.]

"Hey! Ho-how've you been?"

[Waves awkwardly too. And then he gives this weird smile that looks like the bad pokerface: http://ragefac.es/faces/e2ca8d6ca6bade38604ecf0734546677.png Then he stops because he realizes how bad this is.]

"Okay, that's not working. Okay, okay I got it... just... just ask her how shes doing... and then, and then, and then what would you do mate?"

[He looks at her and tilts his head. He suddenly looks really interested, but then stops immediately, going back to his strangely stiff and frigid gait.]

"So you're some... sort of military based... thing, aren't ya mate? UNSC... united... nations... oh-oh social committee. Well, That sounds spiffy mate, it really does."

[He adjusts his tie and tugs on his collar nervously.]

"You- you didn't find me... b-because of the journal did you? To be honest, the topic is rather embarrassing if- if you ask me mate. But if you were just going on with your business, just- just strollin' around, I suppose that would be a different... story."

United Nations Space Command, specifically the Office of Navel Intelligence. 'Spiffy' is an understatement!

Augmented human.

We were just wandering through when we heard you. I recognized your voice from the journals so I figured we'd pay a visit. We're not interrupting anything, are we?

[I see your bad poker face and raise you a wtf is happening...]

Oh... my.

(There is something seriously wrong with this guy...)

...okay, so, after you ask her how she's doing, you should probably make small talk for a minute or two. If you've got something you actually want to talk to her about, that's great, but if you launch right into it, it can be kind of off-putting.

[A pause]

"Hey! How are you? Any excitement going on lately?"

"Hey! H-hey! Got the United Nations part right! Hehehe! Yeah."

[He tilts his head rather curiously again, but then when BB speaks, he responds immediately.]

"Wh-what? Ohhh, nonono. That.. that was just...just a joke. I... I- no, you're not, you're not interrupting anything. Nothing at all. It's great to see you again actually... y-you know. Since our previous conversation was cut short..."

[The time that YOU closed your journal Wheatley. But don't mention that.]

[She sits atop him proudly, like a predator who has just captured her prey, and smiles with a mouth full of sharp teeth.]

It's normal for me! You asked me how I greet my friends, and this is how I greet them. I guess I should have warned you first. Not everyone likes to be pounced, but it's a lot of fun!

It rather did. I hope everything was allright, I wondered if maybe something had gone haywire on your end. [Yes, he fully realizes Wheatley closed the journal in his face. This is his idea of courtesy. And possibly a bit of trolling.]

BB says you do experimenting? What are you working on?

"Hm, yes. Definately."

[He sighs a little, and messes up his hair.]

"Um... wh-what am I working on? I'm- I'm working on a...

...Well you see it's rather interesting... I-

...It's a-"

[He stops.]

"Can we go somewhere a little- a little more private maybe..? To- to speak about this?"

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1/003: THE PART WHERE HE TESTS YOU.

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Hello again! Gonna assume its action?

oops yeah XD

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action~

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LOL Wheatley, that face...

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