1/003: THE PART WHERE HE TESTS YOU.

[wheatdos]

"Well, I did tell you did I not that I would contact you another time for some follow up's didn't I, love? Well, I know I didn't give you much time to recover, but that time is now! Go on, get your athletic wear, find your sweatpants, and we're going to go through something... a bit of an intense training. I hope you've been practicing! Cause, well I guess if you weren't... that's not good. Oh, well, I guess we'll just wing it then. Come on, meet me back at the staircase, wi-will ya?

Filtered to everyone else EXCEPT Maya:

[ACTION WOULD BE PREFERRED. If it's action, you'd actually see Wheatley hanging around the grand staircase, pacing back and forth, in his usual lab coat, holding a clipboard where his... Journal is opened. He looks a bit frazzled, and like he hasn't gotten sleep in days.]

"Does anyone know any quick tactics of... of proper... proper... s-social communication by any chance? Like... like how you're supposed to treat... treat people by any chance? In... common conversation?

I kinda need a quick, a quick bit of a rundown on that. Maybe, maybe a little practice? Y' know, being an AI and all, not really knowing how to be a... um... a um proper bloke is all. Not like I consider any of you humans to be proper. Just... just saying. There's there's this girl, and well... frankly I don't want to make a fool of myself. It'd be... be unfortunate if I really messed up. Not anything too grand or anything, obviously... but anything would be great."

[HEAVILY IMPLYING ASSUMPTIONS THAT ARENT THERE. FANTASTIC.
FEEL FREE TO BE AS RIDICULOUS IN YOUR RECCOMENDATIONS AS POSSIBLE.]

Comments

[rogueofheart]

[What do you know? There's a teenage troll lurking about the staircase that just so happens to over hear this. She'll just chime in from several steps up.]

Just be nice!

[wheatdos]

[WHAT IS THAT. Whatever it is, it certainly isn't human. Wheatley unknowingly cringes when he first sees the stranger, but manages to save himself barely by clearing his throat and adjusting his tie.]

"A-ahem. Be nice? Oh well that's all? Great, great. Unfortunately humans are sensitive things. I've always heard humans saying the nicest thing is honesty, and yet- and yet believe it or not, when I AM honest, I only get judged. "Ohhhh Wheatley, you're awfulll, Wheaaatley how could you say that? Wheatley I'm not fat!". They're the most difficult creatures to understand. N-nothing but contradictions, it's impossible. It obviously can't be that."

[When he speaks, he goes a mile a minute, it's almost hard to understand.]

[rogueofheart]

[At that, she giggles and moves down a few steps.]

I know! I don't think that is just humans, though. That could go for just about anyone. What was the word they used... [Tact. It's tact, Nepeta.]

The point is, you just have to be careful with the truth! Honesty is the best policy, except when it hurts feelings. Then it is probably better not to be one hundred percent honest. Or just tell them in the nicest way possible!

[wheatdos]

"Tell me about what you do- nono, what you would do... if you were trying to... hmm, trying to be friendy with someone, what- what would you say? What would youuu say? Like, alright love... pretend, let's pretend that I'm one of your best mates, how would you greet me?"

[He turns to her, and drops the clipboard on the ground.]

1/2

[rogueofheart]

[Wheatley what are you doing. Are you sure you want to do this.

Wheatley, think about this.]

If you were my best mate? Hmm...

[valkyrie_in_mjolnir]

[Here is a 7+' armored Space Maine. BB's integrated, of course, but for the moment keeping quiet and hidden and attached to her optic nerve for the moment, internally suggesting Naomi go introduce herself.]

[Not that Naomi has much of an answer for Wheatley. Her civilian experiences are still precious few.]

You're the one with the experiments, right?

Hello again! Gonna assume its action?

[wheatdos]

"Eh?"

[He turns to the "stranger, and nods a million times, setting the clipboard down on the ground and approaching.]

"Ah, yes yes, yes that is me. Actually, The names- the names Wheatley actually. Have- have we met? We probably haven't, it's nice to know that my name is swirling around this castle though. It's like, well it's like being some sort of celebrity. Hehe."

oops yeah XD

[valkyrie_in_mjolnir]

[Naomi doesn't move, watching him approach impassively a moment before removing the helmet. Her skin is extremely pale, almost to a point of appearing translucent, and her hair isn't much lighter.]

We haven't met, but you spoke with my friend.

Re: oops yeah XD

[wheatdos]

[Wheatley stops when he's directly in front of her. He's observing her closely. Very closely. He tends to do this with people he's just met.]

"Hmm, really now love? Who's your friend?"

action~

[takethat]

[Being that he has no clue this is Maya we're talking about, this can't possibly go badly! ahaaaa

...well then, he's headed down the staircase, on his way outside to take a walk, when he notices this fellow in a lab coat, looking for... tips for talking to a girl.]

...hey, uh... so I couldn't help but overhearing... I think if you're wanting to talk to this girl, you should just, you know, be friendly, and don't say anything creepy or weird.

[So specific. So helpful.]

Re: action~

[wheatdos]

"Eh?"

[He turns around to see the bloke and gives him the most relieved look in the world. He immediately approaches him.]

"Oh-oh is that so? Maybe you want to, I don't um know... just, just be a bit more specific than that mate. Friendly isn't really a specific action, and not creepy is- well that's just too vague mate, just too vague. Like, like here we go..."

[He backs up.]

"Let's do a pretend shall we? You- you pretend that I'm one of your best mates. Go on mate, greet me. What would you say... assuming I was a girl of course, which I'm not... this. This is just pretend."

[takethat]

[This guy's body language is making Phoenix nervous, and he frowns at the peculiar request.

...but, ah well. He's not in any big hurry to just go walk around outdoors, so he might as well humor the guy.]

O...kay... uh, I'd probably say, "Hey! How've you been?" And maybe wave a little.

[wheatdos]

[He kinda attempts to mimic Wright's movements, but he's awkward. Oh... so awkward.]

"Hey! Ho-how've you been?"

[Waves awkwardly too. And then he gives this weird smile that looks like the bad pokerface: http://ragefac.es/faces/e2ca8d6ca6bade38604ecf0734546677.png Then he stops because he realizes how bad this is.]

"Okay, that's not working. Okay, okay I got it... just... just ask her how shes doing... and then, and then, and then what would you do mate?"

HELLO OPPORTUNITY, I SEE YOU THERE

[bootsweremadeforcasting]

[Social interactions? AI? Well, well, Sir AI, you certainly answered some questions there. He smirks as he writes back.]

'An AI? How interesting. As for proper manners and common conversation, I don't know if you're incredibly teachable.'

GOD DAMNIT.

[wheatdos]

"Uggggh."

[Oh, is he supposed to respond? He's too busy facepalming. He adjusts his tie and fixes his labcoat.]

"Wh...what are you doing here? A-ai? Who said anything a about an ai? What.. what is that even supposed to stand for? Ahahaha....ha....ehe..."

[Be smooth man, be smooth.]

"Wh-what's that to you?"

There's no escape bby

[bootsweremadeforcasting]

[Jade can wait. He's patient. For the most part.]

'I didn't know you were unaware of the meaning of AI; Artificial Intelligence? My, my, you've certainly let me down, considering your state of being.'

[Jade seems to think on what Wheatley had asked before he wrote again, smiling all the way. He'd love to see Wheatley's expressions, but he's just as happy in his room.]

'Oh, but you asked for help. I'm only offering to assist in your troubled love life.'

oh noes. I bet Jade stalks Wheatley. :U

[wheatdos]

"Uhhhh huuuuhhh..."

[He sighs and shakes his head, laughing.]

"Ahhhh. You don't know what you're talkin' about mate. Nope. You're like... some sort of misunderstand prone, or- or something, I don't know. And... love life? Ha! That useless stuff is right up your alleyway eh? If you must know, I need it to be able to communicate efficiently to my lab partner. You wouldn't know about that, mate. Cause, well I guess all you care about is making friends here and being completely comfortable in that little cozy nook you're in."

Wheatley

[optimystic]

It's okay, I'm feeling all the way better, and I'm ready to make leaps of science! [hehhh, she feels REALLY AWESOME RIGHT NOW, this is all so cool]

Oh and don't worry, I have been training! I'll be down in a second, just let me get changed. [and she closes the journal, on her waaaaaaay!]

[wheatdos]

"G-great! Leaps of science, hehe... I see what you did there. What're you waitin' for then? Get- get down here!"

[He closes his journal and suddenly his upbeat peppy attitude completely disappears. He sighs exhausted, and rubs his eyes. He sets down his clipboard, looks at his watch, and makes his way to the staircase, sitting at the bottom. He'll sit there for a while in silence until she came.]

"Hmmmm~ hmmmhmhmhm..."

[Maybe not in complete silence. He'd hum to fill the silence. He'd hum... classical music.. because only GENIUSES know classical. Obviously. Even though he'd get some parts wrong, and eventually just hum happy birthday.]

[optimystic]

[aaaaand when Maya does round the corner she sees Wheatley look tired at the bottom of the staircase.... but the humming is nice. Anyway, she goes down the stairs two at a time (warming up, haha) and approaches him from behind]

You okay? You look tired...

[wheatdos]

[He turned around surprised to see her, and stands, dusting off his coat.]

"No worries. One does not sleep for science, love. You should know that. How have you been holding up with your training? Hopefully jumping, stamina and strength has been your main concentrations. We'll work on the intelligence and problem solving on the way. Humans tend to take FOREVER with the cognitive development."

[Oh wait. There goes the human bashing again. He clears his throat awkwardly.]

"Um.. ahem. You look... um.... great today! And..."

[He thinks. OHNOOHNOHONHONFKGNdgnlfg. He forgot. Think Wheatley, think. What did Wright tell you to do??]

"...Hey! How've you been?"

[He should've said hi when he first saw her. He was already becoming frustrated with the general conversation.]

action

[lawfullystupid]

[while passing by] Oh? Have you not had much face to face experience with people?

[wheatdos]

"Well. The last person I've had actual contact with...wa- was some brain damaged woman who was hardly a woman. She looked like an elephant who walked on two legs. Ugly thing, couldn't talk either...but anyway... no. No I haven't.

[lawfullystupid]

[Flynn makes an... awkward expression at that] That sounds... awful. Anyways, perhaps some practical lessons would help?

[wheatdos]

"Yes! Yesyesyes... in fact, that's what I was hoping for... is there, anything. Anything at all you can tell me? Hints? Anythinnnng? It'd be great. Anything at all..."