genesis

[footnote]

[There are some things that a self-confessed bibliophile can't do, and one of those is wake up to see a never-before-seen book nearby without investigating it¹, which is why Aziraphale's initial concern about waking up somewhere foreign is swallowed almost at once in examining the journal on his bedside.

There were so many entries to read through, and most of them talking about things that seemed ludicrous. Magic castles? Wishes? Losses? It was all utter nonsense, worse than the time he had accidentally picked up a Mills and Boon instead of a Dickens². He was fairly certain it was some strange collaborative writing process, though that didn't explain how he was stood in an actual castle right now.]

Excuse me?

[The voice that comes through the book is hesitant in the same way a grandmother being taught to use the latest mobile telephone and doesn't quite trust that it won't accidentally short circuit is hesitant.]

If somebody would be so kind as to direct me to the nearest television set? I hate to intrude for such a request, but Countdown starts in just five minutes and I don't want to miss it.

[He has decided to just ignore this nonsense for now. After all, if you just told reality what for in a stern enough tone, then it might buck its ideas up and start behaving again. He was sure he heard that somewhere. Or perhaps that had been about how to make naughty children behave instead of reality? Either way, it seemed a good idea.]

1. The others include such things as owning at least one store away anorak, and tutting at people who didn't own library cards.

2. That had been the one and only time he had tried to order books using the newfangled automated telephone system. He had written a sternly worded letter to the head office about it, and had received another Mills and Boon as compensation.

Comments

[onlyanapple]

[It's been years since Crowley heard Aziraphale's voice, but for beings as eternal as them, a couple of years is nothing in the great span of existence. The demon's taken longer naps. Though he did miss the angel, there will be no gushing, no sappy reunion where they run towards one another in a field of wildflowers to violin music.

No. Crowley won't stand for that sort of milarky]

You'll just have to get your Carol Vorderman fix another time. Countdown doesn't run here, seen as you've been rude and forgotten everything about this place.

[footnote]

[It's actually quite comforting to hear Crowley's voice, it meant he at least had one familiar thing nearby. Though he squashed that thought at once, giving it the mental equivalent of a disapproving glare. It wouldn't do to be thinking of your Enemy as comforting, that could get you in all sorts of trouble.]

What are you talking about, it doesn't run here? I looked at the Radio Times earlier, it starts at six.

[onlyanapple]

This is out of the Radio Times' control. You're not on Earth any more, angel.

[footnote]

Well blast.

[Said in the careful tones of someone who has spent thousands of years not swearing, but really wishes he could.]

I was rather afraid you might say that.

[onlyanapple]

I thought you were going to really let rip with one that time.

Anyway, you're in a magical, sentient castle that's kidnapped you for shits and giggles. I've been here for [pause] nearly five years now.

Dictated

[putuporshutup]

[This new voice has an otherworldly resonance to it. If she didn't know better, she'd swear it was an angel... but let's get real, when was the last time she'd heard one of those dicks say excuse me - or be concerned about something as lowly as a tv show? Aside from Cas, of course. Huh. Then again, maybe she was onto something...]

Sorry, angel. Charlie isn't taking calls at the moment. No TV in Paradisa, unfortunately.

[Whatever. If she was wrong, she'd play it off as a term of endearment.]

[footnote]

[There was a second or two of silence as Aziraphale tried to parse what had just been said to him. He was sure it was in English, that last bit at least made sense, but what did the middle bit mean?

Was it some new bebop phrase? It could be vitally important. Of course he could ask, but he decided to hazard a guess instead.]

Charlie would be the repairman for the television?

[putuporshutup]

[No shit. Maybe she was right? And in that case... what?!]

Let me guess, you didn't understand that reference? Don't worry about it. There's no television to repair. There is a pretty nice movie theater that pops up on weekends, though.

[footnote]

[He sighs, there really is nothing like an evening in with a good television program, but apparently that just wasn't on the cards here. At least Crowley had filled him in a little more on where 'here' exactly was.]

Ah well, no use crying over spilt milk. I suppose a magical castle is rather fascinating enough not to need the added entertainment of television.¹

1. He didn't really believe that. Nowhere was so fascinating that it couldn't benefit from a good documentary on BBC1.

[lucre]

[ Cute. ]

What would I get for directing you?

[footnote]

The pleasure of an act of kindness?

[How mercenary!]

[lucre]

Hm, only that and not even a name?

[footnote]

Oh. Oh! I do apologise, madam, how could I be so rude? My name is-- ah, Mr. Fell.

[wolfchild]

Countdown to what?

[footnote]

Ah. No, you misunderstand me. Countdown is a very informative television show, using tests of intelligence in language and maths to entertain.

[He sighs just barely audible.]

I'm quite sure if you gave it a try, you'd find it just as enjoyable as that Sponge in Underpants or whatever bebop thing you children watch these days.

[wolfchild]

[ what. ]

What?

[footnote]

Pardon.

[He corrected her in much the same manner as pedantic school teachers had corrected children for time immortal.]

Dictated

[wizard_redfive]

Sorry, but I'm pretty sure the castle doesn't provide TV broadcasting.

[footnote]

So it seems.

[He's been very kindly informed by some other people.]

Ah well, what cannot be cured must be endured.

[wizard_redfive]

That or you could get creative. Any chance the show was recorded or made into DVD format?

[footnote]

I should think a Best Of probably made it out one year, but I've already seen the older episodes.

[peacockherald]

_{[ Vanyel had the vaguest idea of what a TV was, barely, but Countdown was a mystery to him. Either way, this person sounded new, and Vanyel was never one to let someone flounder. ]}

Ah, perhaps someone has already told you? But, I do not think this "Countdown" is here, or can be viewed here. It sounds a bit dire, though, with a name like that.

[footnote]

Yes, I've been informed, but it does seem rather lax. If this truly is such a magical place, you'd think they might at least get the basic channels.

[peacockherald]

I wish I could offer you more aid, but I only know what we do not get. Television is still quite new to me - my world didn't have it.

[footnote]

It's quite all right, I appreciate the sentiment and offer of assistance anyway.

[Which is quite true, it's always nice to see people going out of their way to help a stranger. Good Samaritan and all that.]