paradisa | ☽ 018 [ Waxing Crescent ] - - To win some, you lose some.

[ At one point in time, very long ago, Remus had been innocent. Just another face in the crowd ambling through life, still unaware yet hopeful of whatever life might throw at him along the way. He'd had dreams of attending Hogwarts, of working in the Ministry like his father and living in a quaint little cottage out in the countryside with a family of his own. It was simply too bad that he'd learned at the very tender age of three, that one simple, but terrifying instant could take all of those innocent dreams away. Remus had been forced to grow up too quickly and while he had accepted that fact, he had been unwilling to accept that his friends wouldn't remain unaffected. He'd hoped they'd come out of this war, safe ... alive.

Tears stain the pages of the journal, smudging the shaking lines of Remus' trademark cursive as he scrawls a note onto the page. He's trying to hold back his sobs in quiet little hitches of breath, a soft whimper in the back of his throat. Remus has always been the sensitive member of the marauders, but he hardly ever cries. After what he's just been through, the nightmare he's just woken up from, he's finding it rather difficult to keep his composure. ]

You know ... at one point I had hoped that the war back home would end quickly. That the rest of us would go about our lives and we'd be safe and we'd be together again. No more disappearances, no more deaths. But that's not how war works. You can hope and wish all you want, but things are never going to turn out the way you want it to. War will take everything from you, one way or another, and all you can do is try to survive.
Harry... Harry, I am so sorry. I am so, so very sorry that I could do nothing. I am so sorry ...

[ An audible sigh and a whimper can be heard over the journal as he covers his face with his hands, not at all caring if anybody finds him sitting against the wall in the lobby, head in his hands and looking a tad more worse for wear than he did a few weeks back. His hair has flecks of grey within his natural tawny brown, evidence of the heavy amounts of stress he'd been put under in the past year and a half he'd spent back home. ]

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What happened? [she thinks she knows, but she's just checking]

[ He's really not prepared to talk, but he will, because he really doesn't want to worry her. He bites his lip before answering her in a quiet, heartbroken little voice. ]

They... They're gone, Hermione. James and Lily...

I know. I'm so sorry, Remus.

I ... I had my suspicions, you know, but I never thought he would --
[ He cuts himself off, shaking his head, though he knows she can't see him. He doesn't want to believe that Sirius caused this, but as far as he is aware, the evidence points to him. ]
They're gone and poor Harry...

It was Peter, you know. Not Sirius.

[ There's a long pause on his end. Not even a sniffle. ]

What?

The one who told Voldemort where James and Lily were hiding. It was Peter Pettigrew.

That's....
That isn't possible.

[ Poor, unassuming Peter would never betray his friends like that. Never. He never would have even joined the war, had the other marauders not convinced him to fight with them. ]

But you actually believe it's possible Sirius would betray them?

Think about it for a moment, Remus: Sirius denied his lineage, choosing to be in Gryffindor and associating with Muggle-borns like Lily. Is he really the sort of person to defect to Voldemort?

[ Truth be told, he knows Sirius was not at all the sort of person who would defect to Voldemort, much less willingly betray James and Lily. He didn't want to believe it, but the circumstances didn't lie. Sirius was the secret keeper, wasn't he? ]

No, and believe me, I don't want to believe that.
S-Sirius was the secret keeper, Hermione. And ... and he's been acting weird, accusing me of acting as a spy for Voldemort and running off on that bloody bike of his...

You're both being stupid, but I'll save that lecture for another time.

I'm from the future, if you remember. It all came out. I saw Peter with my own eyes and he admitted to it. He was the Secret Keeper, he was the one who sold Lily and James out and later framed Sirius for it. And Remus, he also helped Voldemort rise to power again.

Harry saw it all, too. Ask him and he'll tell you the same thing.

But ...

[ As much as it pains him to think ill of any one of his friends, he desperately wants to believe you, Hermione. And if all of this is true, then he certainly needs to apologize to Sirius as soon as he can. A few things might have been said when he first woke up... ]

If Peter really did do all of that, then why? I thought Sirius was the best choice for secret keeper. Why would they decide, all of the sudden, to choose Pete? I can't see him ever willingly volunteering for the job. Why?

Yes, Sirius was the best choice, which is why he decided to give the job to Peter instead. No one would expect it.

... You're absolutely sure?

[ His voice is quiet, unsure. It sounded like a plausible plan, but there was still the issue of a good friend betraying another and defecting... ]

Harry saw Peter cut off his hand to use in a spell to resurrect Voldemort.

Bloody hell...

[ He lets out a shaky sigh, nearly on the verge of tears again. ]

And I accused Sirius of causing this when it was Pete and -- Merlin, I never thought Pete would...

It's all right, Peter was very clever sbout it. But you owe Sirius an apology.

After ... After the things I said to him, I doubt he will so easily forgive me. I was angry, I thought it was him. I really, really thought he did it...

I know, Remus. But he will forgive you, I promise. He does when you learn the truth in my time.

[ Duke had been making a food run, but that is the sound of crying. Awkward. His stride lengthens until he gets to the kitchen and flips his journal open as he finds food.

Oh. Well, that he understands a little more. The words of war and hope for how things would turn out.

Which is why he's back out in the lobby a moment or two after that, walking quietly as he searches for where that voice came from..

And while he tries to get it not just.. on the writer, he's blind... so his aim might be a bit off. ]

... It is.. unfortunate, to have learned that.

[ Remus jumps a little at the voice and looks up, only to relax a moment later when he sees Duke. It takes him a moment to remember that there are no Death Eaters here, no more Lord Voldemort. He sighs, shakily running his hand through his hair. ]

To be truthful, I learned that very same lesson years ago. Must've forgotten it until now...

[ He laughs weakly, shaking his head. ]

Things change, hope begins that it isn't always that way?

[ Then the depressing part. 'Life decides to remind you'. ]

[Softly]

With war, the best you can do, when it's over, is take what it's made of you and make the best of it. Everything in the world changes, sooner or later. War just makes that happen a bit faster and lot more dramatically.

[Harry could not help but walk forward and place a hand on Remus's shoulder. It hadn't taken Harry long to find him. He knew all too well what time of the month this was for his friend. The moon cycles could be cruel to a werewolf.]

Do not blame yourself, Remus. It wasn't your fault.

☽ 018 [ Waxing Crescent ] - - To win some, you lose some.

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Action-

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dictated;

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