deuteronomy

[footnote]

As I'm sure you've all noticed by now, Christmas is coming! That shouldn't be a cue for all the doom and gloom I've been hearing, it should be a time for celebration and joy. It's a time for gift giving and magic for youngsters, of sweets and delicious food, and... of course, of entertainment!

I'm afraid I can't stretch to a whole pantomime here in the castle, but I hope you will all join me for an evening of fun with The Astonishing Magical Mister Phale!¹ I shall be holding it in the lobby from seven this evening, in front of the Christmas tree. So come along, don't let a little mistletoe spoil your festive season!

[The voice over the journals today sounds almost criminally chirpy. Christmas was, in a word, A Very Big Deal². Or, at least, it was supposed to be for those of celestial descent. Aside from the bog-standard Hosannas an celebrations, there was also the Party and the Audit - two very different traditions of equal ability to cause annoyance and irritation all round. The Audit was the yearly performance review of angelic business; taking into account the souls saved, the good deeds done, and all round saintliness, and it was done via several intricate forms that would have made anyone from the Chippenham Council Planning Offices weak at the knees. The Party was, as the name so cunningly implies, a party for the birthday boy himself.

Every year Aziraphale would receive his standard invitation, usually done in some tasteful black card with silver lettering, and every year he had to find another excuse not to attend. The event was Not His Scene, and the last time he had been forced to make an appearance in 1956, Jesus hadn't appreciated his gift of a nice new bread-maker machine, and had embarked on a long rant about how sick he was of people still making jokes about the loaves and fishes incident.

This year Aziraphale didn't have to ignore the invitation, because it was unlikely that even the Royal Mail could deliver cross dimensionally to a magical castle. Which meant he could enjoy the good things about the festive season³, without having to go through either the Audit or the Party. That was surely enough to make even Scrooge crack a grin.]

1. Ever since his decision on this stage name in the mid-1960s, it had always made people smile. Aziraphale remained ignorant that this was due to the unfortunate similar sound to 'fail' and nobody had been kind enough to clue him in yet.

2. This is actually four words, but 'Christmas in four words' sounds far less impressive. If you like, you can run the words together to make the saying more accurate.

3. The good things being eating one more Quality Street well after any trouser buttons are already protesting, and the post snooze game of Monopoly which almost always ended in the demon and angel not talking again until the New Year.

[ooc: Open for journals or action, he can be found practising in the lobby or come along to the evening show! Also open for kisses, if anyone wants them.]

Comments

Dictated forever

[onlyanapple]

[The second Aziraphale uttered the dreaded words "Mister Phale" Crowley's pulse rate went up. Or it would if it was going anywhere to begin with. Bollocks, there was no way this ever ended well. All attempts to ban this mess (especially after what was only ever known as The American Incident) seemed to sail merrily over Aziraphale's head no matter how much Crowley tried]

You're going to embarrass yourself again, and by extension embarrass me. Don't do it.

[footnote]

Don't be churlish, my dear, you know everyone will have a marvellous time.

[He won't hear a word against it. Without a pantomime, a magic show was just the thing to keep everyone's spirits up.]

[onlyanapple]

I'll be churlish if I want.

[There's a pause here]

At least don't use any doves this time.

Or any living thing, actually.

[footnote]

Actually, I was hoping you might provide a spot of assistance.

[He sounds hopeful, though he will resort to blackmail if he must.]

[onlyanapple]

You have got to be bloody kidding me. If you want to make a fool of yourself, you do that, but don't drag me into this. I shan't do it.

action;

[dgaf]

[ Effy doesn't think herself as a youngster but she's here to see Mister Fail and his apparently astonishing act. She's seated on the floor in her black leather jacket and her almost-skirt, smoking a cigarette slowly as she waits for the party to start.

Sorry, real youngsters. ]

[footnote]

[He beams at her brightly, not seeming at all fussed by her choice of attire¹. Instead, he approaches and holds out a deck of cards face down.]

Choose a card, young miss, and look at it but be sure not to show me.

1. Honestly, that coat looked quite thick and warm, which was a sensible choice now the chill of winter was in the air. The only worry he had was that it might get dusty with her sat out on the floor like that.

[dgaf]

[ She sits up straighter when the Astonishing Magical Mister Phale approaches, smiling slyly as if she's the one about to pull a trick. Taking the time to exhale the smoke, she looks at the cards for a sign. Which is the right one?

Eventually she picks the one right in the middle, slipping it out of the deck and peeking at it without showing him, as instructed. Two of Hearts. ]

[footnote]

Very good, young miss!

[An audience that was participating! Goodness, this was quite a rush, he hadn't felt like this since he played Blackpool in the 1950s¹. Beaming at her, he presented the pack again.]

If you would slide it back in, please?

1. His audience had consisted of three drunken dock workers and a rather startled seagull.

[speak_and_listen]

[She's been trying to avoid the mistletoe once she heard what it did, and she's been doing a pretty good job of it, but she'd rather not spend the whole of this holiday hiding.]

[For one, she'd like to learn more about it. So, she'll show up at the lobby, in her school uniform, hanging back by the stairs as she glances around to get a scope of the place (and sprigs to avoid) before finding a seat.]

[footnote]

[He practically bounces over to her when she approaches, falling back into his old patter easily.]

Good afternoon, young miss, I can see that you're an intelligent young lady looking for a spot of entertainment. Well, look no further. I simply need you to check my hat, it's empty, isn't it? Quite a dapper hat, if I say so myself.

[The hat in question is a dusty top hat, with a clear false bottom compartment.]

[speak_and_listen]

[She gasps, startled, and pulls back slightly as he's suddenly near. She's smiling, however, and chuckles at his antics.]

It is quite dapper.

[She can see the false bottom clearly, but she won't say anything. That would be rude.]

[footnote]

[She is his new favourite person.]

And quite, quite empty. Now, if you would tap the side of the hat and say the magic words - Alakazam! - and we shall see if it remains empty, hm?

[originalcopy]

I don't need any Christmas cheer thanks.

[Hey Aziraphale, have the scroogiest grouch who ever bah-humbuged.]

[footnote]

[Aziraphale's smile brightens almost forcefully, which causes the very air around him to grow warm and comforting like a fireplace in a family home.]

Then perhaps just a little magic instead, good sir?

[originalcopy]

Yeah, I'm... not really into tricks.

[That oddly welcoming atmosphere has him pausing uncertainly rather than simply blowing the overly friendly stranger off.]

[footnote]

These are no mere parlour tricks, sir! This is magic at its most impressive, its most primal.

[He fans out a deck of cards towards him, thus losing all credibility immediately.]

Please choose a card.

[freeslider]

[Wade is something of a perpetual kid at heart anyway, so she heeds the invitation eagerly and comes to the lobby, wearing her unfortunate Christmas elf outfit. Pretending it didn't exist, she waves enthusiastically as she arrives]

Aziraphale! I didn't know you were a magician too!

[footnote]

[He doesn't judge the outfit, he only thinks that she's getting into the spirit of Christmas, which is very laudable.]

Oh yes, I've been a magician for many years now, I have quite the act if I do say so myself.

[freeslider]

[She grins and takes a seat on a nearby chair, knees very properly together because of the short dress, and very literally on the edge of it]

Okay. Show me what you've got then!

[footnote]

With pleasure!

[He tugs theatrically at the cuffs of his jacket, out of which a few suspicious looking petals are fluttering.]

I am wearing a perfectly ordinary coat, correct?

late action is late

[peacockherald]

<sub>[ Vanyel worked himself into the lobby, trying his level best to keep the doors from opening to wide and letting in to much cold. He doubted anyone would appreciate the stones turning chill against their feet or their breath misting when they were quite warm. He certainly would not.

And so it was that he came upon Aziraphale practicing for... ]</sub>

Is this a Christmas tradition I was unaware of?

[footnote]

Not at all, but I'm afraid I'm not quite equipped to perform a pantomime alone and this is still entertainment.

Rather good entertainment actually, if I do say so myself.

[peacockherald]

A pantomime? What is that?

_{[ He raised his brows in avid curiosity. ]}

[footnote]

It's a play, always produced around Christmas, usually depicting a fairy story. It's designed for children and always has some form of audience participation and various casting traditions - such as a female playing the male lead, and a male playing the female comic relief.