judges

[footnote]

Good morning.

[It's a little after eight in the morning, and a cheery voice can be heard dictating to anyone who might be listening - and mostly likely a few people who would rather not be listening at all.]

I have a proposition to put to you, an offer of employment, as it were. I require someone to act as a guide for me, six days a week, from eight in the morning until nine, and then six in the evening until seven. I feel that for two hours work a day, that fifty caisos a week should be adequate compensation. Though, now I come to think about it, it's interesting...

[It's a rule of the universe that whenever someone says 'now I come to think about it, it's interesting' that whatever follows will be distinctly uninteresting. The level of how uninteresting it is, is determined on a scale where things such as names¹ and occupations² were taken into account. Aziraphale ranked a four on this scale, having a very interesting name and a very boring profession.]

In a place where we can simply wish for what we need, including more money, the notion of compensation through monetary means becomes almost null and void. In a society where money loses all value, surely a fiscal system of trade becomes more plausible? Exchanging goods and services for things that others own, or can do, in return. Perhaps remuneration for such a position would be better offered in barter, though what could be given in return would surely depend upon the employee's own needs and wishes.

Ah-- I'm sorry, I got a little distracted, what was I saying? ...Oh yes! If you are interested in the position, please come to the lobby any time this morning for an interview.

Thank you.

[And, true to his word, Aziraphale has set up a little table in one corner of the lobby with chairs either side to represent a proper interview situation.]

1. The information becomes much less interesting the closer to the end of the spectrum where Nigels, Cecils, and Eugenes reside.

2. Similarly the information tends to be less interesting if the speaker is employed as a chartered accountant, tax specialist, or nutritional expert. Or TV presenter.

Comments

[lucre]

A guide, as it were, to the lives of ordinary mortal men?

[footnote]

[He brightens up at the sound of her voice, chuckling.]

Don't be silly, my dear. A guide to my shop in the town.

[Because that's not silly, apparently.]

[lucre]

What shop would a heavenly being care to keep?

[ Certainly not a relic shop or one selling indulgences. Those are far from heavenly. ]

[footnote]

It's a bookshop, my dear. I actually opened it on my last stay here, but it's still there. A little dusty, true, but nothing that a bit of spring cleaning won't cure.

[Not that he will actually clean it. A nice layer of dust was good for keeping customers out.]

dictated;

[both_neither]

Actually, it's not a bad deal if you want the money but don't want to wish for it. What kind of guide do you need?

[footnote]

A physical guide, to the town and back. Specifically to a book shop there, if it's not too much trouble.

[He would rather not explain why he needs a guide there more than once, he finds it a bit embarrassing.]

[both_neither]

[One of the good things about being a former drug dealer, is that you when it's ok not to ask questions]

Not at all. I kind of already live and work down there half the time. I, uh, guess I'll come up and see you in a little while.

[He's not sure why an interview is necessary, but hey, he could use the extra income]

[footnote]

[Aziraphale is a little old fashioned, he believes in an interview process to weed out the lazy and bad workers so he can be happy with who he's hired.]

Very good, Mr...? Ah, may I take your name, please?

[onlyanapple]

I bet you'll get a weirdo.

[footnote]

I highly doubt you'll be applying.

[This is as close to outright rude that Aziraphale ever comes, and he feels bad right after saying it.]

[onlyanapple]

[That gets a low whistle from the demon.]

My my, angel. Such rudeness. That was completely uncalled for.

[footnote]

[He clears his throat awkwardly, knowing Crowley is right and yet not quite wanting to admit it.]

It's all a little irritating.

[Which is an excuse, but also a veiled apology.]

This loss is most inconvenient.

Dictated

[lightbranded]

Why do you need a guide, sir?

[footnote]

['Sir', he likes that, it proves some people do still have manners.]

I'm afraid I have a little difficulty finding the location I need to be at, and it's a long term problem.

[His loss, to be more specific.]

[lightbranded]

Oh dear, that does sound awful.

[Will rather liked knowing where he was going.]

I suppose I could help, if you haven't found anyone else. With no school here I really haven't much to do these days.

[footnote]

I should certainly appreciate your help, but I'm afraid I couldn't trouble you for it every day.

[Child labour laws and all that!]

Perhaps just once a week? It would give whoever else got the position a day off, which I'm sure they would appreciate.

Dictated

[wizard_redfive]

You need a guide?

[Odd, he didn't seem like he'd need one from his previous conversation with her.]

Why for only those hours, then?

[footnote]

[It's his loss, and he's rather touchy about it, because it seems deliberately petty from his perspective.]

Those are simply the hours I wish to be at the town and return again.

[wizard_redfive]

So will we be guarding you on the road as well as guiding you?

[A loss hasn't occurred to her yet. Extra protection on the road seems like a good reason to her for someone to be asking for a guide. Or perhaps he is directionally challenged, but too embarrassed to say anything.]

[ofhope]

Are you blind?

[footnote]

Not at all, my eyesight is quite good, actually.

[It was perfect, the spectacles he sometimes carried were for show more than anything else, angels didn't have defects like that.]

[ofhope]

Then what's the help for?

[toobravehearted]

[Look, someone sat in the chair as soon as it was free. He has a very broad smile.]

Good morning. An interview for a guide? Right. Let's see. Hello! I'm the Doctor. I'm very good at guiding. I can walk and guide, sometimes slow, sometimes fast although that's most often known as running. I have a few years experience of that. You don't like running, do you? What else? I can point out things, always a handy skill when guiding and you know, I can't help but ask, unless you're very, very new, to which I don't think you are, why ever would you need a guide?

[footnote]

[Well, look who it is! Aziraphale had known the Doctor on his last visit to the castle, but it's clear this must be a different one or else he wouldn't bother to introduce himself.

Beaming right back, he steepled his fingers and waited for the long introduction to wind down before replying. After all, it was only polite not to interrupt.]

Actually, I own a shop in the town and I have a little, ah, difficulty getting there and back. It's a minor thing, really, but inconvenient.

[toobravehearted]

[It's an interview, and one must sell their self. Although to be fair, the Doctor sometimes doesn't know when to stop talking. Or perhaps it was just a ploy to get Azriphale's attention. For while the Doctor doesn't know him, he's definitely interested in him.

Except, his smile falters just a little at those steepled fingers. Ahem.]

What difficulty might that be, sir? I would say you appear to be of fit stature, but if not that may necessitate an aide, and not a guide.