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fix this title later lol
[Ezio Auditore had spent the previous night in good company. There had been a few girls –– a blonde girl named Annalise, and a redhead named Laura. He'd gone drinking with them both, and when Laura had proved to be the more interested of the two, he had taken her back to his room and to bed. They'd had quite a bit of fun, even with a break some time into the evening so that Ezio could speak with Connor, and Ezio had drifted off to sleep at some point. He couldn't remember when, but he hoped the girl wouldn't be too cross with him come morning. After all, he'd seen to her satisfaction numerous times that night.
But still, even if she was cross, he could soothe her anger. That's what Ezio imagines he'll do, at least, because the longer he daydreams on the cusp of morning, the more unconcerned he is about whether it's all just a dream or not. Mornings are like that sometimes, especially when he'd slept on a full stomach of wine.
But now it's definitely morning, and Ezio rolls over in bed to wrap an arm around his lover, who had rolled away from him sometime in the night. He buries his nose in her hair, eyes still closed, and he gets his palm against her stomach to slide southward. Nothing says "I'm sorry for falling asleep while inside of you" like strong fingers rubbing lazy circles against one's clit, but Ezio's hand is caught on fabric.
It must be the sheets in the way, but oh well. He's going to grope anyway.]
But still, even if she was cross, he could soothe her anger. That's what Ezio imagines he'll do, at least, because the longer he daydreams on the cusp of morning, the more unconcerned he is about whether it's all just a dream or not. Mornings are like that sometimes, especially when he'd slept on a full stomach of wine.
But now it's definitely morning, and Ezio rolls over in bed to wrap an arm around his lover, who had rolled away from him sometime in the night. He buries his nose in her hair, eyes still closed, and he gets his palm against her stomach to slide southward. Nothing says "I'm sorry for falling asleep while inside of you" like strong fingers rubbing lazy circles against one's clit, but Ezio's hand is caught on fabric.
It must be the sheets in the way, but oh well. He's going to grope anyway.]
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It takes him a moment to realize that he's horizontal, therefore solving that mystery at the very least. Bed. It takes another moment to realize that there's not only a body pressed against his back, but a hand going towards a place that's most definitely off limits.
Who the fuck was groping him?
James' slender (but strong) fingers grasp the offending ones, and yanks them as far back as they can go.]
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At worst, he was expecting to be pulled away by the wrist or to hear a yelp of surprise, but nope, there it is: his fingers getting bent backwards far harder than necessary.]
JESUS CHRIST––
[Just about every fiber of his being wants to punch his bedmate, but given that his bedmate is a lady, it takes all of his willpower to just take it. And then not want to take it. The boner that was definitely pressing against his bedmate's buttocks is definitely leaving. Also, he sleeps naked.
Okay, he is definitely using his other hand to pry himself free. What the fuck!!]
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Except for one thing. One fairly significant thing that makes the blades at his wrists click back into place.]
--bloody hell! You've a death wish, Auditore? What were you thinking, man, grabbin' me like that?
[What the fuck was he doing in--okay, that's not his bed. Come to think of it, none of this is his room. Did he get so drunk as to wander?]
Christ.
[He looks down. Well, at least he's still dressed.]
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When did you get here?
[He's mad, one foot on the ground, other knee on the bed, pointing the sword at James and holding his injured hand at his side like he doesn't know what to do with it. He doesn't look at it, either, because he doesn't want to know how broken it looks.
And yes, still buck naked, and still half-erect.
And still mad.]
I had a woman in my bed last night, I thought that's who I was reaching for!
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[And, after a glance:]
Both of them, if you're able.
[There's a tenseness in his shoulders despite the smirk on his face, but he makes it a point to look relaxed. Arms loosely crossed over his chest, and we're good. There's a few thoughts floating around his head. Damn, that was close. Shit, he snapped the fingers of a legend. So, these were the kinds of pranks the castle liked to play? Switching up beds?]
I was in my own bed, last I recall.
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He lets out a long breath through his teeth. Both of them, if you're able! Both of them! IF YOU'RE ABLE! He could thrash James right now. Think unsexy thoughts, Ezio: like the prospect of fondling another man's balls. That's certainly enough to ruin the mood.]
Well, now you fucking aren't. The castle is up to something. Mercifully for me, it at least had the sense to keep you clothed.
[Ezio sure as hell doesn't want to see James's skinny English ass.]
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Apologies about the hand, mate. It's not every morning I wake up to one trying to get into my hampers. [Look, it's a free shot to make a jab, if Ezio doesn't mind the amusement in James' voice.]
You all right?
[... unlikely, given that the intent of that pull was to break things.]
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[It's grumbled, annoyed –– he's looking at his hand now as he pulls on his sweatpants with his other hand, and he's not liking how his fingers look. The knuckles are almost squared, looking at them from the side, where his fingers have been popped from their joints.]
You've done a number of my fingers, though.
And for the record, I was not trying to get into your "hampers."
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[And no comment, just a smile.]
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[He grits his teeth and tries to straighten them out. CRINGE...]
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[Scoff.]
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So, this is typical of the castle? Mixing up bedmates?
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It happens roughly twice a year, as far as my experience goes –– once for romance and again for having a child. First time I've been put in bed with another man, however. I imagine it thinks it is being funny this time.
[So grossed out.]
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Harmless, perhaps, but no less annoying.
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You'll have a story to tell, at least.
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[Great, a day with Ezio. James thinks back on the things Molotov and Cassandra said--which pretty much amount to he's a dick but not too bad.
Sigh. Bonding time.
James makes himself comfortable on the bed, arms behind his head and eyes shut.]
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[He sits down in an armchair.]
She was a good match. Intelligent, savvy, so gorgeous that no man could resist glancing twice. The kind of woman I'd make my wife, if there were a point here. [If he thought she'd accept.]
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Sorry to hear it. I've been told the castle takes as much as it gives. A shame it took your woman away.
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[Really? Just as easily?]
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Yes, that I certainly have. She's a phenomenal woman. Perhaps the finest her time could produce, and yet the most extreme in every sense.
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No. Cassandra had kind things to say as well.
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[But then James wouldn't have a story to tell to Molotov.]
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Fuck, no! I'd rather have my fingers broken than fondle another man.
[He's pretending he never had a boner.]
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[With a boner.]
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