paradisa | 042; dictated/action >> backdated to March 1st

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spike spiegel

042; dictated/action >> backdated to March 1st

(Faye)

You've been quiet. [Go ahead and be shocked that he noticed. Anyway, she'd heard, and that saves Spike the trouble. He's just checking in.]

--- [Action] ---

[It's beyond irritating. Infuriating would be a better word. The more time Spike gives himself to think about it, the more angry he gets, and the castle turning into a fun house was the very last straw. He isn't just pissed at Vicious returning, but at all the not-so-subtle ways life seemed to mock him at every turn. When Spike heard his old friend's voice, he honestly wasn't sure if he'd been putting on an act to stop him before things ultimately blew up in his face, or if he really wanted to get it over and done with.

If it hadn't been for Julia, he might have.

Spike doesn't say much as the two of them walked down the street, although he's more alert than his usual sleepwalking state. Once he made up his mind to put someone ahead of his almost-constant stupidity, he knew they'd need a safe house. At least until he figures something out. Their choices are limited, and ultimately there is only one place that he can rationalize hiding out in. (Jo really has a bad habit of being hospitable to all the wrong people.)

So, they arrive at some ungodly hour. A time he knows she'll be home.

He knocks on her door.]

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[As far as plans go, she knows this isn't her first choice. Far from it. She's had nothing but reservations about this from the get-go. But, at the same time, she's not quite sure what her first choice would be.

It's not like they ever had a lot of options where Vicious was concerned.

Although, there were worse alternatives. Much worse. ... At least this gives her some sense that she's preventing those alternatives from occurring. (The only priority that, at the end of the day, honestly mattered to her.)

She hadn't said much on the walk either. Doesn't say anything now. All she can really do is wait.]

[Jo is definitely home. She might have had a long shift and was still trying to sort through the books now it was the first of the month, but the receipts could wait. Someone was at the door!

She thunders down the stair, eager for the distraction and opens the door.

Oh. Not the right kind of distraction.]

Hey, come on in. [Holding the door open, she steps aside, gesturing for them to come in.]

[He could try to pretend this is a good plan for Julia's sake, or at least do a better job at masking the frustration he has no business feeling, but he can tell she's not thrilled at the idea of hiding out here. He'd stop and wonder if she's regretting following him -- if he had the time. As it is, he's already committed when the door opens.

-- That was a quick response. Jo must have been awake. Spike walks in without a word, not until the door is good and shut again.]

Expecting someone? [Normally he wouldn't ask, but it's a slightly more important question than usual.]

[Jo sighs, shaking her head.]

Expecting? No, but I had hoped it wouldn't be a bad situation at my doorstep. [She puts a knowing glance to Spike.]

Wanna tell me now, or is this gonna take a while to sort out?

[That's one reason he came here: Jo already expects what he's about to say.]

You know me. [That's a common joke for him, even if the humor doesn't come across this time. He looks over to Julia; he's really not making this easy on anyone, but there's no need for him to put her through his explanation. Hopefully she trusts him enough to understand.

Turning back to Jo, he sucks it up and gets down to it.]

Can we talk in the other room?

[Why does she think this is going to either a] be bad, b] make Julia uneasy, or c] all of the above.]

Yeah, we can. [Not that she wants to and trust her Julia, if she thinks you need to know these things, the moment she's out of that room she's gonna tell you. :| Sorry, Spike, but she doesn't like all this cloak and dagger secret keeping. All it ever does is end in badness.]

[Julia's already been made uneasy enough by this whole entire situation. The sudden appearance of Vicious (though alone bad enough) had only been the beginning, because with that came a whole host of other things. A potential domino effect that she wanted to avoid at all costs. Amongst the confusion, amongst being at a loss as to what to do about so many things, it was the one clear thing she could focus on. If she had that goal in mind, she could keep her own head clear.

But that glance from Spike, the flow of this conversation, only serves to make it worse.

As (understandably) reluctant as she'd been to get someone else involved in their business, Jo had proven to be a useful ally on more than one occasion. That she'd be willing to go along with. What she isn't willing to go along with, on the other hand, is whatever is behind that glance of his. She knows him all too well, and thus knows the look in his eyes. He's hiding something from her.

When she finally speaks up, her voice is quiet, but there's a subtle, no-nonsense edge to it.]

We can talk here.

[Spike had taken about one step towards the next room when Julia speaks up. It doesn't cause him to turn back around right away, and that blow of distrust knocks him down for a minute. She's calling him out. He recovers though, in record time. There's no other choice for him.]

Alright. [If he's editing what he was going to say, he tries to not make it obvious. Talking out here isn't a problem at all. Spike addresses Jo directly; any hope of making this sound less dramatic is slimming, so he chooses his words carefully.] I hate to ask another favor, but I need to borrow your spare room again.

[Jo crosses her arms over her chest. See, this doesn't sound like something someone would need to discuss in private.]

And?

[You're killing him, Jo. Spike keeps his composure though, partly because he's resisting the urge to check Julia's reaction.]

... And I might need a few loaners. [He was going to ease into that favor, but hopefully she'll get his meaning without having to explain.]

[It's really not that difficult to take a guess at what that means. Or, at least, not if you're as fluent in ~~dumbass~~Spiegel-ese as she is. And when it does, everything that had been building over the past while finally comes to a head. All of her suspicions, confirmed.

He may be avoiding looking at her, but she's got her eyes firmly fixed on him.]

Spike. [Hear the warning tone. Fear the warning tone. It's cool and calm... but dangerous.]

[Jo's gaze doesn't waver. See, this is also not exactly news.]

Remember when that happened last time? I could've sworn we worked out something where you'd actually tell me what's going on.

[He was hoping Jo could guess, but having Julia use that tone was a surefire sign that he'd made a few bad choices with his wording. And now Julia knows there was a last time...]

I guess I wasn't counting on it coming up again. [Did he really think he'd keep getting away with this? He's too used to being around people who would say anything but what's on their mind; that's how people like him get by, but it's not realistic. Which leaves him in the uncomfortable space of admitting to exactly what he's been trying to avoid saying.] ... Someone came back. I just need to take some precautions.

[Okay, see this is the part where Jo - stubborn as she is - marches over to Spike, yanks him by the elbow and hauls him over to the other room. Sorry, Julia, but this is just not the time for Spike to be all cryptic.

Once they're in the spare room, she looks up at him, with her most determined stare.]

You're gonna knock it off with your cryptic bullshit, Spike. I've had a lot of patience in the past and I thought you came to me because you could trust me, so you better make with the trusting me part.

[There's the reason he never brings his past up, and it's exactly that reaction. Jo manages to take him off guard when she drags him off, which shows how off he's feeling. He's fully aware by now that being in the next room won't mean anything. Getting it secondhand won't help to calm Julia down... it's a nice corner he's found for himself.]

... I came to you because of what we talked about. [Might as well say it while he has a chance. It's the best way to show her how much trust he's really giving her.] I needed someone who could watch Julia if I have to go away for a while.

[Seriously, what is it with her friends and trying to avoid these serious conversations?]

What we talked about? [She almost goes into a rant about how he skirts around these horrible details until it's too late, but she bottles it up for now, because she knows she'd get loud and Julia is in the other room.]

Fine. So you're here to get weapons and know that Julia'll be safe ... if what? You go off and get yourself killed while dealing with whatever this problem is?

[He looks especially miserable hearing her repeat it back to him like that. Mostly because she's not wrong, and that he's speaking plainly enough for her to get it, which is a mistake he hardly ever makes.]

Yeah. That's all. [Not that he's dealing with it that efficiently right now, but at least this would feel like he's doing more than before.]

[Her features sober, taking in a breath and a step forward.]

Spike. [Why does she seem to surround herself with guys that take on the problems of the world and think that they're the only ones that can solve the problems. They take on the burdens and the problems of everyone else, trying to keep them safe at whatever cost, whatever risks. She sighs, reaching her hand up to rest to his cheek.]

Why won't you let someone help you?

[He keeps his ground, even if that simple gesture shakes him out of his thoughts for a moment and forces him to look her in the eye. ... Why is it every time someone shows him sympathy, he imagines how he manipulated it out of them? It just comes naturally to him.

Vicious would have supported that theory. Sometimes the only difference between them is that he has a limit to how low he'd sink. Or so he likes to think.]

You've helped enough.

[Well, good, because she's not going to back away or down from this.]

I could help more. I actually do know how to use all the weapons I loan you.

[Not a chance, Jo. He believes her, but odds are she shouldn't even be seen with him, let alone fight for him when she doesn't know why...]

What do you use them on? [You better believe he'll change that subject if he sees an opening. Anyone would have gone for it.]

[Things had happened so suddenly that they'd rendered Julia momentarily blindsided. Spike had been dragged off before she had even had time to process the implication of that statement, and she'd been left alone, frozen, stuck in that one moment in time, the words beating around her brain over and over.

Someone came back.

... Is that what he's been hiding from her? She has as much of a right to know as anyone, and the fact that he's keeping her in the dark.... Her frustration, an emotion that she can normally keep under wraps quite well through years of practice, has now mounted to the highest point it's ever been.

It's at that moment, when her nerves have finally decided to find function and communicate with her muscles again, that she follows in the direction in which they'd gone. And opens the door.]

[When the door opens, Jo glances to Julia and takes a step back from Spike. She can't hide her concern for him, but that doesn't mean that it's exclusive to him. She cares about Julia too.

There is no way that they are going to have this conversation with Julia in the room. It isn't that Jo wants to keep Julia out of the loop, but she knows that Spike is going to keep things quiet now. Exhaling, Jo moves completely away from Spike, tucking her hands into her pockets and shaking her head.]

Whatever you need. [She'll move to sit on the bed, now. Not really sure what to do anymore.]

[Just like that, his distraction comes through. Immediately he finds himself wishing Jo hadn't moved away as soon as Julia walked in; it looks too much like they're covering up something.

Which is basically all he does with his life.]

I appreciate it. [Spike doesn't know which one of them Jo is covering for, but he goes along with it. He looks to Julia, although it sounds like he's apologizing to both of them when he speaks.] Sorry to keep you waiting.

Edited 2012-03-18 00:42 (UTC)

[Still holding idly onto the doorknob, she allows her glance to pass between the two of them as she takes in the scene before her. Watches as Jo moves away, and some kind of vague, questioning thought passes before fading again.

Because her mind is still ultimately focused on something else, and at the moment, there isn't much room for anything else to come through and stick. Her gaze moves for a final time, and fixates on Spike with the same hardened quality it had before. Only this time, he's not getting away from her.

It's a moment or two before she ventures into the silence that has fallen.]

He's been here before. [Her voice takes on that same quiet but somewhat dangerous tone.]

[There's a long pause, the longest yet coming from him. He'd avoided telling her what she didn't need to hear, but he didn't count on her putting it together herself.]

... Vicious. [Saying that name out loud confirms something else he'd been avoiding. It's a name Jo knows too.] Yeah, he has.

[She has her fair share of secrets, and she knows he has his. It's the way people like them live. And sometimes, they're necessary to protect what matters most.

But this? There's something different about this. She doesn't know what it feels like, exactly. Not quite a betrayal of trust, but something that nevertheless... she resents being kept from her.]

How long ago?

[Now he's back to hoping Jo will interrupt. Which he realizes is counterproductive when they're both intent on dragging truths out of him. He'd lost their faith somewhere along the way, and it was bound to come back to him eventually.

Then again, if he's really planning to go after Vicious, maybe it's good to come clean. Just in case.]

Half a year, maybe longer. [He's never been very good with time.] Before you.

[She falls silent again, takes some time to let the gravity of that statement filter through and completely process. He's been keeping this from her, this honestly vital piece of information, the whole time she's been here. It's definitely a blow, one that strikes through to the deepest, most hurtful places.

She finds herself at a total loss as to how to proceed. A part of her has a mind to put as much distance between them as she possibly can. That'd probably be the only way to clear her head. But there's another part of her, one that ultimately proves to be stronger. The one that wants all of the details, right here, right now.

The hard stare, which had only momentarily faltered, is back. And it's never going to leave again.]

What happened?

[They're getting offtrack. Spike mentally reels from that look, which isn't all that dissimilar to the one Jo had been giving him, but somehow it makes him second guess himself even more. This isn't like him. Holding a breath, he tries to piece together something that would make sense to them.]

The last time, I didn't know he was here until he'd already found out everything I was involved in. [And once Spike did find out, it ended with Faye getting kidnapped, and a fight that destroyed Jo's bar.] I could have handled it better.

[any other time, and she might have spat some comment about how long it took him to notice. Maybe something about how many days she could have been tied up and left somewhere this time. ...But she can't quite muster the anger for it.]

You've never said that before.

[she manages to make it sound derisive enough, but she's tense. As if the arrival of their friend isn't enough, Spike actually checking in comes off as a bad sign.]

[He expected her to be angry with him. But it's that tired kind of anger that makes him feel like a real asshole. When was the last time he spoke with her when there wasn't something going on? This is typical behavior for him.]

I guess the curiosity got the better of me.

[if she knew he was actually feeling like a jerk, she'd probably be even more worried]

I've been a little preoccupied.

[Vicious. Gren. Everything.]

[Preoccupied. He wonders if that means the same thing for her as it does for him. Probably not.]

Thought you might be. [Where is he going with this?] ... Did you move out of the castle?

[now there is some pointed silence]

...Should I?

I don't know how anyone could stand it there after last week.

[Because that's obviously what he's been talking about...]

Uh-huh.

[right, Spike.]

I guess I didn't see the point in running out to town this time. It's not like it would actually help.

[still talking about last week of course]

[He considers her reply for a while. That could be one of the more insightful things she's ever said to him.]

Maybe not.

[she can only guess what that pause is about]

Why? ...Are you?

[Because he'll never say that out loud. (Among other things, which is why he's still being vague.)]

I think I've peaked my tolerance level.

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042; dictated/action >> backdated to March 1st

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I return B|

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Spike

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