001

[azuredemonic]

[At first, there's nothing but the sound of a book being quietly opened, and the light flipping of pages. Flip. Flip. Flip. Far too close to one another for any page to be properly read.

And then stops. And after a period of silence, a tired, mirthless couple of chuckles are quickly transcribed and transmitted through the pages]

To think, the denizens of Hell would go to such lengths to receive me. Such lavish furnishings do not fit the Demon Realm. And that does not even broach the subject of this book, the inane little gimmick it is. [Despite his words, there is absolutely no humor in his tone.]

I demand an explanation. If not from the scum that chose to snatch me away, then from those that fill this book with utter nonsense and idiocy. And I will only say this once, and you should be thankful for it.

I am in no mood for games. Think to play one with me, and I will see to it you do not live to regret it.

Don't keep me waiting.

[And the book snaps shut]

Comments

[loisfuckinglane]

I usually try to but the castle had me out of commission during this last expedition. I'm gathering reports from everyone who went to try to sift through the facts.

[azuredemonic]

Expeditions?

[That would not be to his advantage. Harder to work under his own agenda in a group. But...]

Who leads these expeditions?

[loisfuckinglane]

It varies, but there are some reoccurring characters who show more interest in seeking answers about this place than other people. We don't have one leader, though.

[azuredemonic]

And for how long have these expeditions been going on?

[loisfuckinglane]

For years, actually.

[azuredemonic]

[Well that's disconcerting. You can't see this, but he's closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose. Every step forward, four back]

How many of your reports have you done prior to this one?

[loisfuckinglane]

I've been compiling information for over a year now. It's available on Castle Net, and I'm working on an update to recopy it into the new journals.

[azuredemonic]

Castle Net being what exactly?

[loisfuckinglane]

Our version of the internet. Or I guess intranet, since it's not exactly the World Wide anything.

[azuredemonic]

[Hm. He never had much interest in that. Or computers. Or technology in general.]

I trust they are somewhere easy to find on this intranet, yes?

[loisfuckinglane]

The site's up at http://welcometoparadisa.webs.com/. My old report's filed under "in depth information".

[azuredemonic]

Very well. I shall look upon it in time. My thanks.

[loisfuckinglane]

Any time. Didn't catch a name, by the way.

[azuredemonic]

Vergil.

[loisfuckinglane]

Very... thematic.

[azuredemonic]

Is it now?

[loisfuckinglane]

You came in talking about Hell.

[azuredemonic]

[...Well. How very thematic indeed.]

The comedy of it all is not lost on me, no.

[loisfuckinglane]

Biting my tongue on the puns.

[azuredemonic]

[At least it's fun had with literature. That makes the idea of having fun at least moderately tolerable]

I could very well make the whole thing even more thematic. And likely comical.

[loisfuckinglane]

We could always use more laughs around here.

[azuredemonic]

I find that hard to believe.

[loisfuckinglane]

When you've been here a couple years, you start to value them.

[azuredemonic]

What wonderful things I have to look forward to then.

[loisfuckinglane]

Really though, it's not all bad. We're all here to help each other out.