paradisa | 117.0

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117.0

[Backdated slightly to this morning.

York wakes up not only on the floor but in a completely different room than where he was before. There's a moment of panic - it looks entirely too much like something from home to be recognizable as the castle immediately - but as always Delta is there in his mind, reassuring him. Yes, he can still access the CastleNet, and look around a little. This is Noble Six's room.

The question then becomes why is he in Noble Six's room, and how did he get there? And why is his journal mostly blank?]

Hey there, castle. It's me, and I seem to be back to normal now. So. What kind of loss was I on and for how long?

[UNSC filter, sans Maine]

And what the hell is going on with the journals?

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The simulation.

[Carolina stares harder at him, more analytically, as if she were studying a document instead of his face.] You're not real.

[And saying it out loud instead of keeping the thought in is far more relieving than she thought it would be. She's not crazy, he's just not real. The Director wanted to make sure she was still up to snuff following her... failure. The voices she'd heard on Friday weren't the Castle, they were the Director. They were the sounds outside the simulation. It's making far more sense now. ]

Simu--What! Of course I'm real!

[He's starting to look somewhere between panicked and horrified, though. No. No, no, no. Please don't let her be--she couldn't, she didn't even have her AIs yet.]

Why the hell wouldn't I be real?

[Carolina really hadn't been expecting that reaction, but then again the purpose of the simulation could be testing her ability to stand against more personal challenges than physical. After all, she'd proved herself physically capable, but she still hadn't gotten to that briefcase first.]

None of this is real. [She's getting to her feet.] The voices and sounds on Friday, the failed plan.

[When she stands, though, she notices a small white briefcase sitting on the counter next to her helmet. Her expression pales and her lips close.

That was the last piece of proof she needed.]

Failed plan? What's going on, Carolina?

[Yeah, he's completely forgotten his food by now, and he looks confused and angry--and a little hurt. Not real? He's not real?]

Bullshit it's not real. So what am I? Some kind of fucking illusion?

[Now it's definitely angry.]

So is that what this is all about? You think I'm the way out of some simulation, and you don't care what I think?

[Carolina turns back toward him at that anger, her own expression becoming closed off and hardening.]

This is about getting back to my team. [And her York, not that the simulation did a bad job at all making him look and act exactly like the one back home.] And the real you is on that team.

[Her gaze settles on his left eye, where she knows there should be a scar. That really should have been her first clue a long while back.] I sat next to the real York's bedside. [She points firmly toward that left eye, some of her own anger dissolving. That must have been when the Director saw.] The Director knew to use you.

I am the real me! I healed up because Wash knocked me out and made some girl use her magic on me. [Not that she's going to believe that, he can see now. York abruptly stands up, leaving his food behind.]

You know what? I don't have to listen to this. You can tell me why the hell you suddenly decided this was all a lie, or I can leave. I'm not going to sit here and let you insult me like that.

[Well, it'd been a variety of factors that had combined in just the right way. However, Carolina didn't feel like she needed to explain that to the simulation that had been designed to implement those factors in those specific ways but why the hell not?]

Because I'm not crazy. I'm not. [The vehemence with which she says the words is more of her trying to tell herself that. She couldn't have been hearing voices, right?] I wasn't hearing voices or seeing things. This. Isn't. Real.

[In all honesty, her words really aren't fair to him and a small part of her knows that. She remembered what he'd said about her future, about her AI, how she wasn't herself anymore.

No, she wasn't crazy. She couldn't be. She wouldn't let herself be.] That briefcase isn't there either. You're not---

[Jesus, she felt really fucking crazy right now.]

[This is what happens when he goes on a loss for a week? Christ. York grabs his helmet again.]

Telling people they're not real is a hell of a way to prove you're not crazy. If you decide you want to treat me like a person again, look me up. Until then, don't bother.

[Sorry, Carolina, but it hurts him more that he would have thought to hear that coming from her, and it's not entirely logical--but then she's not exactly being logical either, is she? Unless she stops him, he'll be walking out that door.]

[The Castle in itself is a big old ball of not logical and it's started to very seriously take its toll on her. Still, she's not going to ask him to stay and she hates that her personal feelings have been wrapped up in this. Regardless, this argument in itself is a huge sign of the fact that she'd let her professionalism slip, there'd been a reason why she'd kept any slight suspicions to herself about the direction of the Project.

Speaking up about this kind of thing could de-rail team dynamics, affect functional relationships, distract from primary objectives. She needed to fix this somehow and before he got to that door. Think, act, now.]

York. [Her voice is firm, but she's attempting to pull as much of her anger back as possible, as she follows him over to the door.

The question buzzing through her mind is could she accept possible insanity? To accept that the problem is in her and not external, for the team? To try and hold together the shambles of a once-effective dynamic? To accept that she could be hearing voices for the sake of the team, and keep quiet about it?]

York. [She needs to give herself an ultimatum: to accept possible insanity or lose the team. ]

[And he knows he should give her another chance, really, but what's the point of having her here at all if she doesn't think he's even real? That's the part that gets to him - he can understand not wanting to accept this place, that's almost a given from anyone with a background like theirs, but York's never seen the other people as anything but real, and trapped there the same as him. This talk of him being the way out or Carolina seeing things and hearing voices when she didn't even have her AI yet (it had to have been the castle messing with them on Friday, didn't it? But since he hadn't been there, he couldn't say) was scaring him badly.

What if it wasn't the AI that had caused her breakdown? What if it had been inevitable? Isn't it better, then, to distance himself now and avoid all the pain and heartache he knew would follow?

He does stop when she calls him, though he doesn't turn.]

Yeah?

[Just the thought of being possibly and temporarily insane is more than enough for her, if she even began to consider the chance of inevitability , there wouldn't be much hope. Still, despite the cloud of confusion, the heavy weight pressing on her chest to say something, anything, if she accepts this possible insanity, she could fight it, right? She could totally kick its ass up and down. It's like practicing taking hits; she just needs to get back up on her feet, roll with it, take the bruise, but get an advantage from it.

She just needed to get her head around it and that, unfortunately, would require time she didn't want to give herself and, she assumed, time York wouldn't give her. Not now, at least. Not while she'd just told him he wasn't real.

Just the fact that he stopped when he could have stormed the fuck out is a relief, but she just doesn't have anything to say, so she just releases a soft exhale.

Nothing. ]

[And if she'd voice it, he'd be more than happy to recommend his shrink, or one of several psychics who could help fix the issue. But she isn't saying anything, and he's still angry enough to want to get away from the source of his hurt.

She's not even going to apologize, is she? He speaks once more before moving on.]

You know where to find me if you have something to say.

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117.0

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why not pile it all on at once!

soooob

/all of the sobs

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