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Entry tags:
Second Bullet || Crashing inside you like motorbikes.|| [Dictated | Failed!Private]
[Rick scrubs a hand over his face before he sort of half chuckles to himself. His voice is southern and slow, with an almost lazy quality to it.]
A journal? I s'pose I'm supposed t'put down my feelin's? Well, I've never been very good at explaining how I feel.
[He flips a few pages before speaking again.] For the first time in a long time, I don't doubt myself. I don't doubt my actions. For the first time in...I don't even know how long, I know I did the right thing.
That doesn't mean I have to like doing what I did. Or how it makes me feel. Because honestly? Killing him makes me feel relieved. I feel like I can breathe again.
He was my friend. My best friend. I'd known him since high school. He's the one who introduced me to Lori for Christ sake. He was there when Carl was born.
What makes it all worse? Is the fact that I felt like they didn't get it. None of them. [He pauses.] Daryl maybe. He's about the only one who seems to understand anymore.
But the others? They just didn't seem to understand that I... that I did it all for them. ALL of them.
[His voice is slightly watery, as if maybe he's on the verge of tears.] I miss him. You have no idea. I miss him so much. My friend.. I miss him terribly. Not the man he was that last night. I miss...the way we were before the dead started to walk. There's one thing I know.. There's no going back now.. I'm not sure if....that comforts me or... scares the hell out of me.
He'd like it here I think. He always was sort of lazy, having someone waiting on him whether they're ghosts or not, would be right up his alley. [Rick sighs.] I'd have a hell of a time keeping him from gettin' his ass kicked for being a total asshole though. I'm almost sure of it.
[Private to Daryl and Glenn]
I don't know if y'all are goin' t'keep followin' me like y'did before, or...look t'me for answers. I don't have them. I never did.. I don't know what t'do. I'm not a leader. Don't look t'me. This place is... different. It's not like it was back home. I think while we're here we should...try t'make the best of it.
[Even if he is probably the one having the hardest time with that. He misses Carl, and Lori. He misses Shane, the Shane that was his friend not the man he killed. He misses the man that he was before the world went to hell. He was a GOOD man. A Law man. Rick Sighs. He might be having a little bit of a break down, but honestly? After all the man has been through in the last 4 months back home? He's sort of entitled to one.]
[End Private Filter]
A journal? I s'pose I'm supposed t'put down my feelin's? Well, I've never been very good at explaining how I feel.
[He flips a few pages before speaking again.] For the first time in a long time, I don't doubt myself. I don't doubt my actions. For the first time in...I don't even know how long, I know I did the right thing.
That doesn't mean I have to like doing what I did. Or how it makes me feel. Because honestly? Killing him makes me feel relieved. I feel like I can breathe again.
He was my friend. My best friend. I'd known him since high school. He's the one who introduced me to Lori for Christ sake. He was there when Carl was born.
What makes it all worse? Is the fact that I felt like they didn't get it. None of them. [He pauses.] Daryl maybe. He's about the only one who seems to understand anymore.
But the others? They just didn't seem to understand that I... that I did it all for them. ALL of them.
[His voice is slightly watery, as if maybe he's on the verge of tears.] I miss him. You have no idea. I miss him so much. My friend.. I miss him terribly. Not the man he was that last night. I miss...the way we were before the dead started to walk. There's one thing I know.. There's no going back now.. I'm not sure if....that comforts me or... scares the hell out of me.
He'd like it here I think. He always was sort of lazy, having someone waiting on him whether they're ghosts or not, would be right up his alley. [Rick sighs.] I'd have a hell of a time keeping him from gettin' his ass kicked for being a total asshole though. I'm almost sure of it.
[Private to Daryl and Glenn]
I don't know if y'all are goin' t'keep followin' me like y'did before, or...look t'me for answers. I don't have them. I never did.. I don't know what t'do. I'm not a leader. Don't look t'me. This place is... different. It's not like it was back home. I think while we're here we should...try t'make the best of it.
[Even if he is probably the one having the hardest time with that. He misses Carl, and Lori. He misses Shane, the Shane that was his friend not the man he killed. He misses the man that he was before the world went to hell. He was a GOOD man. A Law man. Rick Sighs. He might be having a little bit of a break down, but honestly? After all the man has been through in the last 4 months back home? He's sort of entitled to one.]
[End Private Filter]