paradisa | Second Bullet || Crashing inside you like motorbikes.|| [Dictated

[Rick scrubs a hand over his face before he sort of half chuckles to himself. His voice is southern and slow, with an almost lazy quality to it.]

A journal? I s'pose I'm supposed t'put down my feelin's? Well, I've never been very good at explaining how I feel.

[He flips a few pages before speaking again.] For the first time in a long time, I don't doubt myself. I don't doubt my actions. For the first time in...I don't even know how long, I know I did the right thing.

That doesn't mean I have to like doing what I did. Or how it makes me feel. Because honestly? Killing him makes me feel relieved. I feel like I can breathe again.

He was my friend. My best friend. I'd known him since high school. He's the one who introduced me to Lori for Christ sake. He was there when Carl was born.

What makes it all worse? Is the fact that I felt like they didn't get it. None of them. [He pauses.] Daryl maybe. He's about the only one who seems to understand anymore.

But the others? They just didn't seem to understand that I... that I did it all for them. ALL of them.

[His voice is slightly watery, as if maybe he's on the verge of tears.] I miss him. You have no idea. I miss him so much. My friend.. I miss him terribly. Not the man he was that last night. I miss...the way we were before the dead started to walk. There's one thing I know.. There's no going back now.. I'm not sure if....that comforts me or... scares the hell out of me.

He'd like it here I think. He always was sort of lazy, having someone waiting on him whether they're ghosts or not, would be right up his alley. [Rick sighs.] I'd have a hell of a time keeping him from gettin' his ass kicked for being a total asshole though. I'm almost sure of it.

[Private to Daryl and Glenn]
I don't know if y'all are goin' t'keep followin' me like y'did before, or...look t'me for answers. I don't have them. I never did.. I don't know what t'do. I'm not a leader. Don't look t'me. This place is... different. It's not like it was back home. I think while we're here we should...try t'make the best of it.

[Even if he is probably the one having the hardest time with that. He misses Carl, and Lori. He misses Shane, the Shane that was his friend not the man he killed. He misses the man that he was before the world went to hell. He was a GOOD man. A Law man. Rick Sighs. He might be having a little bit of a break down, but honestly? After all the man has been through in the last 4 months back home? He's sort of entitled to one.]

[End Private Filter]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

A lot of people here come from a lot of different places. Quite a few have done something they'd rather forget. I wouldn't say you're too alone in that.

I never assumed I was th'only one. I just...there are a lot of things I'm not sure if I'd do differently if given another chance.

You cannot dwell forever, my friend. There's only so much in this life we have control over, after all.

But I am sorry about your friend.

Understandable. I didn't have time t'sit and think 'bout these things back home. I s'pose I've just got too much time on my hands.

Thank you, he was a good man. Deserved better than what he got.

I haven't been here long, but I am beginning to believe that the one thing we do have here in spades is time.

Carry him with you in your heart. He won't be forgotten then.

Neither have I, and I'm goin' t'have t'adjust t'the idea of havin' too much time on my hands.

I will. I can't let his actions the last few months overshadow the years we had as friends.

You say where you come from is a troubled world?

Under duress, it isn't beyond belief that we all change. For better or worse...

Yes.

Which is understandable. I'm not so sure that either of us changed for the better.

You'll never know until the story is over! Life is an oddity like that.

You sound as though you acted honorably. It is good, to look out for others. I would not worry too much about that, mon ami.

What did he do? [ She's nosy ]

It isn't important. [He's not in the mood for sharing, he wasn't expecting this to be open to the public.] What's important is I killed him.

If you killed him and say other people don't understand they can't if you don't explain it. [ And she would like to know if there was a reason or if she should fleeee ]

He attacked me, he'd been...changin'. He wasn't th'same man I knew my whole life. But I s'pose livin' in a world where the dead walk would do that t'anyone. Hell, it did t'me.

What do you mean the dead walk around?

Just that? Zombies, the walking dead, Walkers, Roamers, Biters...whatevery you want t'call'em. The dead walk where I'm from.

That's frightening.

There's none here, not that I've seen and you think someone would have mentioned it otherwise.

You have no idea.

I've yet t'see any either, I'm sure Daryl would have told me if there were.

I'd say you were in look but there's plenty of other crazy going on here.

I'd take other crazy over Walkers anytime.

Second Bullet || Crashing inside you like motorbikes.|| [Dictated | Failed!Private]

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