[And despite the hour, Fred's made her way up to the roof again. It's a particularly cold night, enough that she can see her breath as she settles down onto the old blanket she brought with her. She needs to think]
((OOC:Feel free to run into her on the roof at anytime))
[She'd been up there with a book and a thick blanket. Normally she didn't stay here, but she was having a minor bump in what she was building and was almost hoping to run into Bucky here.]
[It's not immediate, and hardly like Fred at all. But after a moment she notices that she is not alone on the roof. Hands still on her journal, she manages the tilt of her chin.
He offered a few threats, told me that he was done taking orders from anyone and was of a mind to return to the old him. Don't worry, I didn't attempt to agitate him more than he already was when I first spoke to him.
[Regardless of his reassurances, he can sense a lecture coming on.]
[It's not a question, and it can't be mistaken for one. Fred had seen enough to know that, even if even the conversation had clearly been filtered away from her view.
She's torn. Between her promise to Lana. And an unspoken commitment to support Wesley the way he'd once supported her. If Damon became an active threat again...
I probably should warn her he's being unstable and to avoid all contact, but as far as I know she's doing that already.
Lana doesn't want me to do anything to provoke him. She said she'd handle it. But, it's a concern, Fred. If everything rests on whether they're getting along or not. If he's on the outs with her, he gets erratic and homicidal.
But she insists she can keep a leash on him this time. I'm trying to trust her judgment on that.
[It's not easy for Wes to not act when he perceives a threat, however, as Fred well knows.]
Lana's more than capable, Wesley. And not just because you've been teaching her.
[It's something inherent in the other woman. Something Fred had been unable to ignore in their time on the expedition]
And...[It's a difficult idea to untangle. Because she doesn't want to oversimplify things]And we're all tied to the people we care about. React when things aren't as they should be.
I know that she's more than capable. It's not a matter of strength, or resourcefulness or intellect or even resolve. All of which she possesses in abundance. I'm just concerned about the emotional toll this must be having on her. Trying to control someone who is so emotionally unstable.
She's invested in him. And I can understand how potent that bond and sense of responsibility can be. If something terrible happens, she will blame herself for it. She said as much.
[He sighs as well.]
No. Although he said he's done with avoiding me. Whatever that means.
[The choice of words sits heavily with Fred. 'Avoiding'. Because that's all they've been doing, really. Avoiding any real resolution to what happened almost six months before]
It might have come in handy when Bonnie attacked me. Is setting up precautionary protections considered going on the offensive now? Should I remove the wards on my house too?
That's not fair Wesley, and you know it. I'm the one that had Willow put those wards up while you were still at the caves, remember?
[And while she appreciates what it took for Wesley to eventually tell her what was happening? There's still the undeniable fact that it still all started without a word]
I'm just saying that you once trusted me to take care of Seidel on my own, to manage him. Despite everything he was capable of, you still trusted me to leave that car on my own. And in some ways he was just as dangerous.
Lana's more...well, she's strong. If she thinks she can handle this? Don't you trust that?
Fine. I will do absolutely nothing. Change none of my routine. Make no preparations. I stopped taking vervain a while ago. No need to take it up again now, is there?
Obviously, our definitions of 'staying out of it' differ quite significantly. But if you both feel this strongly that somehow I'm going to enrage him by simply trying to make sure that I'm not completely defenseless should he suddenly decide to attack me or those I care about, I will bow down to your collective superior judgments.
[She knew when she promised to have this conversation with Lana it wouldn't be easy. Anything she asked, Lana said. The problem was? Fred still wasn't completely sure she should be asking it.
Still? None of that prepared her for the force of Wesley's reaction. Is that what he really thinks? That she somehow considers herself better...]
That's not what I'm asking. I... [The truth is Fred doesn't know what she's asking. Because she suspects Lana doesn't know what she's doing. And neither does Wesley. They're all just reacting. Reacting to Damon, and his action or inaction. Depending on his mood. Maybe if someone -- maybe if she spoke with him. Tried to determine what he really wanted? Just enough outside of things to actually see]
Why did you stop? [The words are quiet, but clear] Taking the vervain? Did you think it was over?
I wanted to think it was over, that we'd all moved past the events of earlier in the year. I didn't want to have to live with this constant reminder that reprisal could still be just around the corner.
[He lets out a pained, tense sort of sigh.]
I just want it to be over, Fred. To not have to be looking over my shoulder every time I go to the castle to visit you. I don't want to have to be fretting about what he's capable of doing to you or Lana or Lilah...or anyone else he decided to harm in a fit of pique.
I'd thought we'd gotten past this.
But to be told to do nothing? I can't -- I feel like I've been doing nothing for months now.
[Sleep hadn't come easily to Julia, not since.... The events that had transpired a few days previously were disturbing, to say the least. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't get them out of her mind. Those images, that...-- Maybe it had been a long time coming. Maybe it was finally her time to crack, to realize that the facade she put on for the world wasn't as impenetrable as she'd like for it to be.
Regardless, she'd needed some time to think, and somewhere to go. Her feet had somehow aimlessly carried her until she'd ended up here. Not a typical haunt for her, but perhaps that's exactly what she needs at the moment.
A quick glance of her surroundings will tell her that she's not alone; her eyes fall on someone who appears to have similar intentions. For now, though, she doesn't approach, or venture anything into the silence.]
[She knows he doesn't mean it the way it sounds. He's talking about Damon, not them. But there's no denying that the past few months that Wesley's been feeling that nothingness? They've been especially tangled up in each other.
The truth is, she wants it over too. As much as it ever can be. But Fred also has to trust that Lana knows Damon well enough to sort out exactly what that might mean]
I'm sorry, I.... [And she is. For however she'd made him feel. And Fred can't even claim it's unintentional because she tackled this conversation head on] You spoke with him. Do you really think he's going to try and hurt someone again?
[Because ultimately Fred did trust Wesley's judgment]
[Fred is again lost in her thoughts. The roof, usually a place that allows her to sort through them systematically seems to have abandoned her. She's no closer to sorting things out than she was before.
I don't know for certain. He's unpredictable. I was surprised by his outburst. Perhaps he just needed to blow off steam. Which is why I made sure not to try to rise to any goading.
I promised Lana I wouldn't interfere as long as he doesn't hurt anyone and I won't. But I don't want to put my head in the sand either and pretend that it's not a possibility at all that he could suddenly snap again and come after me. Or after you.
[Fred is reminded of all her own runaway thoughts and concerns put to bed in the past few months. No -- not put away. Avoided.
Whatever happened in that cave, it clearly left its mark on Wesley. That much had always been clear. Fred suspected that Damon hadn't forgotten it either]
I'm fine, Wesley. I've only even spoken to him once. I don't think he even knows what I look like. It's you and Lana I'm worried about.
[And she's swiftly coming to the conclusion that she might not be able to keep her promise to Lana. Not completely]
I know I can't keep everyone safe, all of the time. It's a ridiculous notion and not as if any of you are incapable of protecting yourselves.
But sometimes I still feel compelled to try.
Because this, what we have together, I don't want to lose it. Not ever.
[But he knows that, ultimately, their fates are out of their hands and subject to the whim of a sentient castle. As happy as he was in Paris, he never forgot that one, simple inescapable truth.]
Making sure all the wards are up and running at both places. Making sure that we both carry vervain in some form on our person. And at least one stake. Other weapons can be whatever you fancy. Checking in at last morning and night. Although, I suspect that it's sort of a given that we'll be seeing each other quite regularly.
Wesley, the tower doesn't have a ward. It can't. Not with Harmony there. I asked Willow about it after I moved in, but anything that's really effective can't be filtered that way.
[It occurs to Fred they never had this specific conversation. Wesley had been compelled not long after she accepted Harmony's invitation, and there'd simply been bigger things to focus on]
But the vervain is simple enough. I still have several plants. The locket too.
[Julia recognizes her kind when she sees it. That lost look, the confusion, she can relate to it all. She'll continue to stand off to the side, quietly watching.
Until something in her compels her to say something. She's not usually the one to break the silence in these sorts of situations, but it seems only right now.
[Why had that not even crossed his mind? He inwardly kicks himself. All of this time he'd thought she'd been more protected than she was. It's too late now, however, to worry about had already been done.]
All right, then. I suppose it will have to do. You're still combat training with Elektra?
Yes. The Doctor and I actually were the ones who fixed the train. [She closed her book, not wanting to be rude.] I'd never worked with parts like that, but it was simple enough -- something from my time or earlier.
[Her response isn't immediate. Maybe like she's turning something over in her own mind as she's looking out into the distance, without really paying attention to anything her eyes may fall on. But, eventually, that quiet voice is back, its tone still somewhat distracted.]
I can't help but think you probably did more than that. We didn't exactly have a of time. The Doctor might not've been able to finish without your help...
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[Can you tell she doesn't believe you at all?]
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Why are you up so late?
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I saw Lana's journal entry.
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[It's not really a question.]
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[And yes, she's worried. Especially about what she couldn't see. It just felt like some of the tensions were easing from before]
You talked to him, didn't you.
action;
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What did he want?
[It's her first unfiltered question. The need to know. Of course sitting right up against it is the one about just where this is all going]
action; (Pre conversation with Wes?)
A nod of acknowledgment]
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[Regardless of his reassurances, he can sense a lecture coming on.]
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[It's not a question, and it can't be mistaken for one. Fred had seen enough to know that, even if even the conversation had clearly been filtered away from her view.
She's torn. Between her promise to Lana. And an unspoken commitment to support Wesley the way he'd once supported her. If Damon became an active threat again...
There's no small amount of silence]
Do you need to tell Lilah?
[locked - dictated]
Lana doesn't want me to do anything to provoke him. She said she'd handle it. But, it's a concern, Fred. If everything rests on whether they're getting along or not. If he's on the outs with her, he gets erratic and homicidal.
But she insists she can keep a leash on him this time. I'm trying to trust her judgment on that.
[It's not easy for Wes to not act when he perceives a threat, however, as Fred well knows.]
[locked - dictated]
[It's something inherent in the other woman. Something Fred had been unable to ignore in their time on the expedition]
And...[It's a difficult idea to untangle. Because she doesn't want to oversimplify things]And we're all tied to the people we care about. React when things aren't as they should be.
Not that that gives him any right to...
[Again, a sigh]
Did he give any indication of what he might do?
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She's invested in him. And I can understand how potent that bond and sense of responsibility can be. If something terrible happens, she will blame herself for it. She said as much.
[He sighs as well.]
No. Although he said he's done with avoiding me. Whatever that means.
[locked - dictated]
What are you thinking of doing?
[Because it's Wesley. And he has been thinking]
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[He could prepare, however. Step up his own training. Make sure that he has plenty of vervain on hand and so on.]
Actually...do you think you could turn a mace spray into one that dispenses a vervain solution instead?
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[Almost immediate her mind begins to consider the practical design elements involved. How to potentially made it an attachment on his arm sword.
Until Fred remembers she also made a promise to Lana]
Is that really staying out of it, Wesley?
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[And while she appreciates what it took for Wesley to eventually tell her what was happening? There's still the undeniable fact that it still all started without a word]
I'm just saying that you once trusted me to take care of Seidel on my own, to manage him. Despite everything he was capable of, you still trusted me to leave that car on my own. And in some ways he was just as dangerous.
Lana's more...well, she's strong. If she thinks she can handle this? Don't you trust that?
[locked - dictated]
Obviously, our definitions of 'staying out of it' differ quite significantly. But if you both feel this strongly that somehow I'm going to enrage him by simply trying to make sure that I'm not completely defenseless should he suddenly decide to attack me or those I care about, I will bow down to your collective superior judgments.
[locked - dictated]
Still? None of that prepared her for the force of Wesley's reaction. Is that what he really thinks? That she somehow considers herself better...]
That's not what I'm asking. I... [The truth is Fred doesn't know what she's asking. Because she suspects Lana doesn't know what she's doing. And neither does Wesley. They're all just reacting. Reacting to Damon, and his action or inaction. Depending on his mood. Maybe if someone -- maybe if she spoke with him. Tried to determine what he really wanted? Just enough outside of things to actually see]
Why did you stop? [The words are quiet, but clear] Taking the vervain? Did you think it was over?
[locked - dictated]
[He lets out a pained, tense sort of sigh.]
I just want it to be over, Fred. To not have to be looking over my shoulder every time I go to the castle to visit you. I don't want to have to be fretting about what he's capable of doing to you or Lana or Lilah...or anyone else he decided to harm in a fit of pique.
I'd thought we'd gotten past this.
But to be told to do nothing? I can't -- I feel like I've been doing nothing for months now.
On the roof?
Regardless, she'd needed some time to think, and somewhere to go. Her feet had somehow aimlessly carried her until she'd ended up here. Not a typical haunt for her, but perhaps that's exactly what she needs at the moment.
A quick glance of her surroundings will tell her that she's not alone; her eyes fall on someone who appears to have similar intentions. For now, though, she doesn't approach, or venture anything into the silence.]
[locked - dictated]
[She knows he doesn't mean it the way it sounds. He's talking about Damon, not them. But there's no denying that the past few months that Wesley's been feeling that nothingness? They've been especially tangled up in each other.
The truth is, she wants it over too. As much as it ever can be. But Fred also has to trust that Lana knows Damon well enough to sort out exactly what that might mean]
I'm sorry, I.... [And she is. For however she'd made him feel. And Fred can't even claim it's unintentional because she tackled this conversation head on] You spoke with him. Do you really think he's going to try and hurt someone again?
[Because ultimately Fred did trust Wesley's judgment]
Yes!
Off a sigh she realizes that she isn't alone]
[locked - dictated]
I promised Lana I wouldn't interfere as long as he doesn't hurt anyone and I won't. But I don't want to put my head in the sand either and pretend that it's not a possibility at all that he could suddenly snap again and come after me. Or after you.
[locked - dictated]
Whatever happened in that cave, it clearly left its mark on Wesley. That much had always been clear. Fred suspected that Damon hadn't forgotten it either]
I'm fine, Wesley. I've only even spoken to him once. I don't think he even knows what I look like. It's you and Lana I'm worried about.
[And she's swiftly coming to the conclusion that she might not be able to keep her promise to Lana. Not completely]
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But sometimes I still feel compelled to try.
Because this, what we have together, I don't want to lose it. Not ever.
[But he knows that, ultimately, their fates are out of their hands and subject to the whim of a sentient castle. As happy as he was in Paris, he never forgot that one, simple inescapable truth.]
[locked - dictated]
Of course she wasn't want what they have -- what they've worked for -- to be lost. But there's no way that she can promise it won't be either.
If anything the loss of Spike and Lorne has just reinforced that.
Finally there's another sigh, whisper soft]
Alright. What exactly does 'trying' look like?
[locked - dictated]
Making sure all the wards are up and running at both places. Making sure that we both carry vervain in some form on our person. And at least one stake. Other weapons can be whatever you fancy. Checking in at last morning and night. Although, I suspect that it's sort of a given that we'll be seeing each other quite regularly.
[locked - dictated]
[It occurs to Fred they never had this specific conversation. Wesley had been compelled not long after she accepted Harmony's invitation, and there'd simply been bigger things to focus on]
But the vervain is simple enough. I still have several plants. The locket too.
action; that works
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Until something in her compels her to say something. She's not usually the one to break the silence in these sorts of situations, but it seems only right now.
Quietly--]
I hope I'm not intruding.
[locked - dictated]
All right, then. I suppose it will have to do. You're still combat training with Elektra?
[locked - dictated]
Every Friday, like clockwork.
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I did. We walked together for a while, didn't we?
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[Fred recognizes the lack of conviction in her voice ad moves to close the journal firmly]
Just, you know, the company of my own thoughts...
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I don't think I saw you after the groups got split up. Did you get through the rest of the expedition alright?
...you know, vampire finches and train wrecks aside?
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Seems to be a popular choice tonight.
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Busy, busy head?
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