[And despite the hour, Fred's made her way up to the roof again. It's a particularly cold night, enough that she can see her breath as she settles down onto the old blanket she brought with her. She needs to think]
((OOC:Feel free to run into her on the roof at anytime))
It might have come in handy when Bonnie attacked me. Is setting up precautionary protections considered going on the offensive now? Should I remove the wards on my house too?
That's not fair Wesley, and you know it. I'm the one that had Willow put those wards up while you were still at the caves, remember?
[And while she appreciates what it took for Wesley to eventually tell her what was happening? There's still the undeniable fact that it still all started without a word]
I'm just saying that you once trusted me to take care of Seidel on my own, to manage him. Despite everything he was capable of, you still trusted me to leave that car on my own. And in some ways he was just as dangerous.
Lana's more...well, she's strong. If she thinks she can handle this? Don't you trust that?
Fine. I will do absolutely nothing. Change none of my routine. Make no preparations. I stopped taking vervain a while ago. No need to take it up again now, is there?
Obviously, our definitions of 'staying out of it' differ quite significantly. But if you both feel this strongly that somehow I'm going to enrage him by simply trying to make sure that I'm not completely defenseless should he suddenly decide to attack me or those I care about, I will bow down to your collective superior judgments.
[She knew when she promised to have this conversation with Lana it wouldn't be easy. Anything she asked, Lana said. The problem was? Fred still wasn't completely sure she should be asking it.
Still? None of that prepared her for the force of Wesley's reaction. Is that what he really thinks? That she somehow considers herself better...]
That's not what I'm asking. I... [The truth is Fred doesn't know what she's asking. Because she suspects Lana doesn't know what she's doing. And neither does Wesley. They're all just reacting. Reacting to Damon, and his action or inaction. Depending on his mood. Maybe if someone -- maybe if she spoke with him. Tried to determine what he really wanted? Just enough outside of things to actually see]
Why did you stop? [The words are quiet, but clear] Taking the vervain? Did you think it was over?
I wanted to think it was over, that we'd all moved past the events of earlier in the year. I didn't want to have to live with this constant reminder that reprisal could still be just around the corner.
[He lets out a pained, tense sort of sigh.]
I just want it to be over, Fred. To not have to be looking over my shoulder every time I go to the castle to visit you. I don't want to have to be fretting about what he's capable of doing to you or Lana or Lilah...or anyone else he decided to harm in a fit of pique.
I'd thought we'd gotten past this.
But to be told to do nothing? I can't -- I feel like I've been doing nothing for months now.
[She knows he doesn't mean it the way it sounds. He's talking about Damon, not them. But there's no denying that the past few months that Wesley's been feeling that nothingness? They've been especially tangled up in each other.
The truth is, she wants it over too. As much as it ever can be. But Fred also has to trust that Lana knows Damon well enough to sort out exactly what that might mean]
I'm sorry, I.... [And she is. For however she'd made him feel. And Fred can't even claim it's unintentional because she tackled this conversation head on] You spoke with him. Do you really think he's going to try and hurt someone again?
[Because ultimately Fred did trust Wesley's judgment]
I don't know for certain. He's unpredictable. I was surprised by his outburst. Perhaps he just needed to blow off steam. Which is why I made sure not to try to rise to any goading.
I promised Lana I wouldn't interfere as long as he doesn't hurt anyone and I won't. But I don't want to put my head in the sand either and pretend that it's not a possibility at all that he could suddenly snap again and come after me. Or after you.
[Fred is reminded of all her own runaway thoughts and concerns put to bed in the past few months. No -- not put away. Avoided.
Whatever happened in that cave, it clearly left its mark on Wesley. That much had always been clear. Fred suspected that Damon hadn't forgotten it either]
I'm fine, Wesley. I've only even spoken to him once. I don't think he even knows what I look like. It's you and Lana I'm worried about.
[And she's swiftly coming to the conclusion that she might not be able to keep her promise to Lana. Not completely]
I know I can't keep everyone safe, all of the time. It's a ridiculous notion and not as if any of you are incapable of protecting yourselves.
But sometimes I still feel compelled to try.
Because this, what we have together, I don't want to lose it. Not ever.
[But he knows that, ultimately, their fates are out of their hands and subject to the whim of a sentient castle. As happy as he was in Paris, he never forgot that one, simple inescapable truth.]
Making sure all the wards are up and running at both places. Making sure that we both carry vervain in some form on our person. And at least one stake. Other weapons can be whatever you fancy. Checking in at last morning and night. Although, I suspect that it's sort of a given that we'll be seeing each other quite regularly.
Wesley, the tower doesn't have a ward. It can't. Not with Harmony there. I asked Willow about it after I moved in, but anything that's really effective can't be filtered that way.
[It occurs to Fred they never had this specific conversation. Wesley had been compelled not long after she accepted Harmony's invitation, and there'd simply been bigger things to focus on]
But the vervain is simple enough. I still have several plants. The locket too.
[Why had that not even crossed his mind? He inwardly kicks himself. All of this time he'd thought she'd been more protected than she was. It's too late now, however, to worry about had already been done.]
All right, then. I suppose it will have to do. You're still combat training with Elektra?
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[locked - dictated]
[Almost immediate her mind begins to consider the practical design elements involved. How to potentially made it an attachment on his arm sword.
Until Fred remembers she also made a promise to Lana]
Is that really staying out of it, Wesley?
[locked - dictated]
[locked - dictated]
[And while she appreciates what it took for Wesley to eventually tell her what was happening? There's still the undeniable fact that it still all started without a word]
I'm just saying that you once trusted me to take care of Seidel on my own, to manage him. Despite everything he was capable of, you still trusted me to leave that car on my own. And in some ways he was just as dangerous.
Lana's more...well, she's strong. If she thinks she can handle this? Don't you trust that?
[locked - dictated]
Obviously, our definitions of 'staying out of it' differ quite significantly. But if you both feel this strongly that somehow I'm going to enrage him by simply trying to make sure that I'm not completely defenseless should he suddenly decide to attack me or those I care about, I will bow down to your collective superior judgments.
[locked - dictated]
Still? None of that prepared her for the force of Wesley's reaction. Is that what he really thinks? That she somehow considers herself better...]
That's not what I'm asking. I... [The truth is Fred doesn't know what she's asking. Because she suspects Lana doesn't know what she's doing. And neither does Wesley. They're all just reacting. Reacting to Damon, and his action or inaction. Depending on his mood. Maybe if someone -- maybe if she spoke with him. Tried to determine what he really wanted? Just enough outside of things to actually see]
Why did you stop? [The words are quiet, but clear] Taking the vervain? Did you think it was over?
[locked - dictated]
[He lets out a pained, tense sort of sigh.]
I just want it to be over, Fred. To not have to be looking over my shoulder every time I go to the castle to visit you. I don't want to have to be fretting about what he's capable of doing to you or Lana or Lilah...or anyone else he decided to harm in a fit of pique.
I'd thought we'd gotten past this.
But to be told to do nothing? I can't -- I feel like I've been doing nothing for months now.
[locked - dictated]
[She knows he doesn't mean it the way it sounds. He's talking about Damon, not them. But there's no denying that the past few months that Wesley's been feeling that nothingness? They've been especially tangled up in each other.
The truth is, she wants it over too. As much as it ever can be. But Fred also has to trust that Lana knows Damon well enough to sort out exactly what that might mean]
I'm sorry, I.... [And she is. For however she'd made him feel. And Fred can't even claim it's unintentional because she tackled this conversation head on] You spoke with him. Do you really think he's going to try and hurt someone again?
[Because ultimately Fred did trust Wesley's judgment]
[locked - dictated]
I promised Lana I wouldn't interfere as long as he doesn't hurt anyone and I won't. But I don't want to put my head in the sand either and pretend that it's not a possibility at all that he could suddenly snap again and come after me. Or after you.
[locked - dictated]
Whatever happened in that cave, it clearly left its mark on Wesley. That much had always been clear. Fred suspected that Damon hadn't forgotten it either]
I'm fine, Wesley. I've only even spoken to him once. I don't think he even knows what I look like. It's you and Lana I'm worried about.
[And she's swiftly coming to the conclusion that she might not be able to keep her promise to Lana. Not completely]
[locked - dictated]
But sometimes I still feel compelled to try.
Because this, what we have together, I don't want to lose it. Not ever.
[But he knows that, ultimately, their fates are out of their hands and subject to the whim of a sentient castle. As happy as he was in Paris, he never forgot that one, simple inescapable truth.]
[locked - dictated]
Of course she wasn't want what they have -- what they've worked for -- to be lost. But there's no way that she can promise it won't be either.
If anything the loss of Spike and Lorne has just reinforced that.
Finally there's another sigh, whisper soft]
Alright. What exactly does 'trying' look like?
[locked - dictated]
Making sure all the wards are up and running at both places. Making sure that we both carry vervain in some form on our person. And at least one stake. Other weapons can be whatever you fancy. Checking in at last morning and night. Although, I suspect that it's sort of a given that we'll be seeing each other quite regularly.
[locked - dictated]
[It occurs to Fred they never had this specific conversation. Wesley had been compelled not long after she accepted Harmony's invitation, and there'd simply been bigger things to focus on]
But the vervain is simple enough. I still have several plants. The locket too.
[locked - dictated]
All right, then. I suppose it will have to do. You're still combat training with Elektra?
[locked - dictated]
Every Friday, like clockwork.