♅ eighth

[themistress]

[Today, a flyer gets pasted into the journal.]



[Mistress herself is seated on her throne in the lobby as always, though now there sits an enormous trophy next to her. This trophy is easily seven feet tall, and made of carved, translucent ruby. Filled nearly to the brim with lake water, small toy boats float inside. The handles are shaped like curved phalluses, but that's really only something you notice if you're looking hard.

Even in a place where anything can be wished up out of thin air, it's an impressive sight.

In the spirit of proper bureaucracy, Mistress has a clipboard, quill, and lockbox, just waiting for entrants.]


[ OOC: Open for anyone who wants to enter the boat race, sarcastically or otherwise! Note: Your boat has to be a person. An actual person willing to let you sit on their chest or back and paddle them across the lake. ]

Comments

dictated

[samson]

[no ... NO..........]

Are you really going to hold me to this stupid thing.

ALWAYS DICK-TATED

[themistress]

Yes, I am! I hope you've found a partner.

weh

[samson]

I haven't really put any thought into it.

[themistress]

Well, you'd better start, or all of the best partners will be taken.

[samson]

And what makes somebody a "best partner"?

[themistress]

I suppose that depends on whether you want the be the sailor or the boat. Having seen you, I'd advise "boat", but it's up to you.

[samson]

Call me crazy, but I'm not nuts about somebody riding me.

[themistress]

Well, isn't that a pity for your lover.

[PHRASING, SAMSON.]

[samson]

[p f f f t]

Alright, settle down. You know what I meant.

[themistress]

Then you'd better look for someone big enough to support your weight, if you're going to be the sailor.

[So........ no one, then.]

[samson]

[Well ... Hellboy.............. but that won't work for Reasons, sigh.]

Are you going to be sailing somebody?

[themistress]

It wouldn't be right for the organizer to also be a participant. There's a prize involved, after all.

[samson]

So, what, are you just gonna stand around and watch?

[themistress]

I'm the referee.

[samson]

Right. Are there penalties in ... I don't know what you call this, human boating?

[themistress]

No beating the other contestants with your oars.

[samson]

Is that what you're refereeing for? To make sure people don't beat each other with oars?

[themistress]

That, and to announce the winner.

[samson]

The prize is just a trophy?

[themistress]

And the honor!

[samson]

For risking getting drowned?

[themistress]

It won't be a risk if you and your partner practice beforehand.

[samson]

The hell do you practice being a human boat?

[themistress]

The same way you practice anything else. By lying down in the water and just doing it. Can't fist a virgin's asshole in a day, you know.

[MISTRESS, THAT IS NOT A SAYING.]

[samson]

[Oh my GOD.]

But you can drown.