Case 8

[unnaturalpause]

[You know there are just some things one does not expect to wander down and see. Though perhaps that has as much to do with the fact that he likes to live in something like denial (really bad idea that in a sentient magical castle) as it does the fact that tends to forget such things.

Which he really shouldn't do because weird things happen in this castle and he knows that.

So why is he surprised to find a cat in Helen's room with no sight of Helen (he had gotten worried when he hadn't seen her in the clinic or around and thought he would see if she was up for tea or otherwise busy).

Oh great. How long is this going to go on?

And because he's a polite man he's not about to just pick her up and carry her off to his room (because somehow he doubts she'd appreciate that), and instead he just sits down and takes out his journal, giving a look to the cat.]

You are going to worry so many people Helen, and I do hope you realize that. [Or he's completely wrong and it's not Helen but a cat she got recently. Wouldn't that just be embarrassing?

But before he goes on he writes in a few relevant filters.]

[Nikola Tesla]

...I do believe we have a small problem. [And he's mentally wincing at his words.]

[Maladict]

What's your opinion on cats?

[River Song and both Doctors]

[He had himmed and hawed on who to write this filter to and had decided on all three of them.]

I am sorry to say that unless this is a short loss Helen may not be able to attend your ceremony if she was to be invited.

[Galadriel]

I was wondering if at some point soon you would be willing to have a talk? Perhaps over tea or something stronger? I find I am in need of someone willing to listen and sadly my usual conversation partner can not share her opinion with me.

[Filters done he reaches over to hesitantly try and scratch Helen's ears before saying anything over an open journal.]

Does the castle choose animal losses depending on personality or is it arbitrary?

Comments

[unnaturalpause]

[Oh you did not just go there because that's what he was going to ask her about...well not the proposal so much as the well how the hell does he talk to Helen about that? Especially after their loss and argument.

He blushes slightly at that, trying to hide it with his tea cup before answering her. Only you would get away without you know, him glaring and sputtering. Though it speaks something to the amount of trust he has in her to slump.]

If you wish such an announcement I advise you to seek out Nikola and Maladict concerning such affairs. [Can't help that.] But no, honestly apart from her at least being friendly towards myself as a cat, I'm not entirely certain as to where we stand. At least in regards to emotions. [And that is rather confusing to him.]

[inafadingcrown]

[She may have just the slightest tendency to troll. Don't know if he's noticed that before.]

My only wish is for your happiness, whatever may bring it. [She's not pressuring, just teasing.] I suppose it is too much to hope that you two have discussed the matter.

[unnaturalpause]

[Oh he has, you don't befriend Nikola or Helen or John Druitt or Nigel Griffin without noticing that (or be a deductive genius really). So yes he has, he just well you know it hits a little close to home.

But that gets a small hum out of him before he goes on, looking a little more tired than before, at least in his eyes.] Unfortunately that can not occur for what would bring me happiness, well I doubt it is even in the castles power to grant. [Him being alive and well back home.] But we have discussed it, at length at least the argument. [A sigh.] And then we had a loss and we found ourselves sharing a bed during the last world change and the loss.

[And well they'd avoided that ever since.]

[inafadingcrown]

[She frowns a little at that first part. You know very well what she means, James. She hopes for him to have some semblance of happiness while he is here. But she says nothing of it, instead opting to jump on the last sentence.]

And, naturally, you have not spoken of it since. [You two, really. She's going to have to be blunt here.] You love her still, do you not?

[unnaturalpause]

[You, and Mal and Nikola honestly, stop worrying about him and his happiness. He won't let himself find it knowing what he knows about their futures and returning home and -

Oh wait. You really did say that.

That results in him staring at her in shock, putting his cup a little too hard onto the saucer and then leaning forward to put it on the coffee table a little too hard so it shook. Then he sat up, finger raised to point at her, paused, frowned, put it down, opened his mouth to say something and then closed it and repeated the entire process from the finger raising until he finally sat back with a very resigned look on his face.]

That obvious now is it?

[inafadingcrown]

[Sorry James, she just laughs at that.] Perhaps not to all.

There is no shame in it, you know.

[unnaturalpause]

[And that just gets a sigh. No it had to be obvious to others really if she had seen it and that bothered him really.]

To love a woman who ignored my failing health for years, ignored me but for business and certain arranged dates, and now as of not too long ago, was allowed to bare witness to events and live through another one hundred and thirteen years of her life. [Bitter? No he's not bitter still.] No, of course there's no shame in that, none at all you're right. [He only gives her a look after that, mostly 'You are joking right?']

[inafadingcrown]

[Really, he does her a disservice. She notices plenty of things that other people don't.]

I am. [She's utterly certain about this and there is no way he can argue her out of it.] Love is not an easy thing. It may be dangerous to place one's heart in the hands of another- to make oneself vulnerable in a way few things can. But it is never shameful.

[Lecture done, she takes a sip of her tea.] She cares for you a great deal. [Whether as friend or lover, she can't say. But she thought that much obvious enough.]

[unnaturalpause]

[Well no not really he knows that. But that argument from not too long ago...he's certain others put it together. Galadriel's just ahead of the game.


But he snorts at that slightly and sighs. He really would like to argue that point with her but knows that's one he won't win so he'll back off for now.] I've already done so twice, I'm not so certain I could do so a third time. [Small confession and only one of those was romantic or what he would admit to at least.] And you could argue that it is shameful to love them long after they have left you.

[Had to say something to that but he gives her a slight 'No duh' look as he picks up his tea.] Not enough to talk however. [Which is all he wants and he's taking a sip of his tea to calm himself again.]

[inafadingcrown]

One could make such an argument. I would disagree. Painful certainly, but not shameful. The heart does what it wills. [She's thinking of poor Celebrimbor now and wondering if he felt the same. He could not even have said that she loved him once.]

I gather there has been some falling out between you. [She's not going to admit to eavesdropping on his conversations, even if it was in public-and thus, in her mind, fair game. He's a friend and so gets the benefit of telling her himself.]

[unnaturalpause]

And yet the heart is what dictates people to kill in the name of those that they love. To design weapons of mass destruction to impress, to stalk them for years in an attempt to protect them. [And he has a certain look about him that he is speaking from experience.] What of those attempts at attention, of gaining someones love? Shameful or merely desperate?

[And he's just giving her a look over his teacup now.] You know of the argument a few weeks back. [John had, James wasn't going to fault her for listening because he was dumb.] From that we, talked but...[Not about what he felt at the present moment.]

[inafadingcrown]

You speak now of actions and I of emotions. The difference is great. A man may, by his deeds, dishonor himself for love or he may prove himself great and act with dignity and restraint.

[She nods.] Yet this discussion was not to your satisfaction. [Gently prompting. She's not going to flat out ask if he apologized, but she's wondering.]

[unnaturalpause]

And yet emotions drive actions, they are not inseparable. Do the actions of someone make such an emotion shameful, or is it the fact that the actions themselves are shameful to be carried out in the name of love?

[He sighs at that but nods.] I apologized, explained it all and yet, the closest I was to her outside of a crisis [the lobsters] was during a loss, and that was the closest we've come to discussing things outside of work.

[inafadingcrown]

The latter, I would say. Love is a great force and, like all great forces, it drives us. It is in a man's response to it that his character is revealed.

[She sips at the tea.] Your words were quite harsh, as I recall. She may feel the sting still. [You fucked up big time, buddy.]

[unnaturalpause]

And yet I would say the former. Acting out because you love, and especially when the person disagrees with it, shows a drastic misunderstanding of the emotion to start with, let alone the feeling towards the person itself. [And this is why you never got the ladies in college James.]

She seemed, content enough after we awakened after our loss with me. [Oooorr maybe your just that good in bed James.] But yet there was a time that, it never would have stopped her. [He knows he screwed up man but what happened to the Helen that would confront him about it?]

[inafadingcrown]

It is one thing to say that a man may lack an adequate understanding of love and quite another to say that his love itself is shameful.

Neither of you seem to be blessed with a great propensity of speech in matters of the heart. [Really, the obvious answer is just to talk it out.] She has not ceased speaking to you all together, I hope?

[unnaturalpause]

Then where do we draw the line? [Because that's really what this was about wasn't it?]

Unfortunately it is something that even now I am rather horrible with, that I will admit, though Helen has hardly gotten much better over the years. The first time this ever came up for discussion, she kissed me and told me to shave. [He knows that okay? He tries, Helen's difficult. But that bit is said with fondness before he gives her a look.] Before now it was only about work, occasionally about a side project of ours. Now she's a long haired cat having difficulty adjusting to having a tail. [Yup James is in love with a bossy lady cat. So you tell him.]

[inafadingcrown]

Where we ever have: with deeds. I may condemn a man for his actions and yet hold for him pity in my heart. To understand and sympathize is not to excuse.

I would suggest, then, that you introduce the topic for discussion at a later date. If you are on speaking terms, I highly doubt she will flee the room.

[unnaturalpause]

And yet to pity a man in love, most would see that as shameful in and of itself.

[...Have you ever talked to Helen Magnus, Galadriel? Because James really rather doubts that. Enough to raise an eyebrow at her.] Yes she would. My confronting her will do nothing, she'll either blame the castle or my wanting to one up Nikola or some such thing and ignore it. Or change the topic.

[The Five have never been good at this feelings thing okay?]

[inafadingcrown]

We speak in circles. [She gives a dismissive gesture, rather frustrated with this entire conversation.] And are you not as capable of changing the topic as she? What would you have me tell you? That there is some easy, painless way to a woman's heart? There is not.

[unnaturalpause]

[Can he be proud he got her frustrated? Because he rather is honestly.] Yes I am but it has never stopped me from doing such things before. And I know there is not. [Give him a moment to glance off to the side for a moment before looking at her, ugh why does he have to say it?] And if this were a Helen that I knew well enough, that I could read and understand, I wouldn't be afraid of being dismissed for wanting to one up Nikola or some such thing. Instead, I am left to deal with a Helen that has lived through Earth's twentieth century twice [Okay maybe that's the problem?] and would consider that and more. She's not the same woman, and I am not certain as to which I have feelings for.

[Feel special Galadriel you got bro status to hear that.]

[inafadingcrown]

[She should be. It doesn't happen often.] Nonsense.

[Yep, she's dismissing all that.]

She may have changed, yet I doubt she has been altered entirely. None of us remain the same throughout our lives and yet many have still the same loves. I have been wed some seven thousand years- do you believe I am the same woman who took her vows?

[A sip of her tea is followed by a pointed look.] You are afraid- afraid to learn of what changes you have missed and afraid that she may refuse you.

[unnaturalpause]

[That's what he thought.

And you can just stop talking sense now at any point in time here Galadriel. Because that hits a little to close to home. Again.]

And yet as a whole, you knew that going into such things. Your race I gather is exceptionally long lived. [A sip of his tea though to calm him down from glaring and sounding harsh at her for that.]

No, I'm afraid that I will not be told of anything, and refused for that very reason. That my death will forever be her reasoning for that. [Grumble.]

[inafadingcrown]

[No, sorry. Going to continue to talk sense here.] And you believed she would be unchanging? Come now, I know you to be more intelligent than that. Such things occur regardless of length of life.

The question is, then, whether you will allow your fear to dictate your feelings and actions.

[unnaturalpause]

[Did you have to call him dumb?] No far from it, I just don't expect her of all people to retain her feelings for others when she has demonstrated a habit of leaving those she used to care for to die. [Still not over that.]

Though there's little fear of it stopping my feelings. [Because he never had stopped loving her.] And to be honest I'm not so certain I'm young enough to deal with Helen's disappointment twice in under a year. [Guess what he's thinking about doing then?]