♅ third

[themistress]

[It's a bit late to be in the kitchen, really. But Mistress is a somewhat nocturnal creature (the night time is the best time for large and elaborate parties, after all), and she gets a little bored when the lobby calms down in the evening.

So tonight, she's decided to explore the kitchen. And though she's from medieval times, it's not the microwave or the refrigerator that's caught her eye. Oh no.]

What are all these foods, exactly? So many of them, in so many layers of wrapping.

[You see, Mistress is used to less-processed food, served with goblets of wine and mead. More modern foods have piqued her curiosity! She's currently sitting on the counter in the kitchen, journal perched in her lap.

Every single piece of processed cheese in the refrigerator has been unwrapped and laid out methodically. Ding-Dongs and Swiss Rolls have been stacked into thoughtful pyramids, with swords stuck through them. There's a large and explicit painting on the floor, done entirely in condiments (mayonnaise and a pickle have been put to particularly good use). Potato chips seem to have been of particular interest, as Mistress has opened and tried every flavor she found in the cupboards.

There are some greasy streaks in the journal as she wipes her hands.]

Are things not made fresh here? Everything seems to be in its own little bag and stored. And who created this barbeque potato chip? I need to know.



[ OOC: open in the kitchen or over the journal. And here is her obligatory permissions post link. ]

Comments

[themistress]

[Mistress, who has been carefully affixing popcorn to a large penis drawn in mustard, turns to look at this newcomer.]

Do you not know what they are?

[kickthecanplz]

I know what they are, I just have no idea who made them... ghosts, magic, elves, no clue.

[Hey, what is she doing - ... is that a penis. No, no, surely not, I'm just suppressing those thoughts again.]

[themistress]

[Of course it's not a penis! That ranch dressing she's added to the tip is certainly just for color.]

I highly doubt it was elves. Elves aren't good for very much, you know. I would say dwarves, but there's a distinct lack of fire, cocks and stupidity.

[kickthecanplz]

[Yes, surely. And I'm averting my eyes because I just feel like it.]

Um... I was kidding... n-nevermind.

[Clears his throat, trying to stop sounding like a dork.]

But I guess we don't need to worry too much when it comes to the food. It's sustained us this long without hurting anyone, and the supply is endless. The castle does things right sometimes.

[themistress]

Yes, it's very nice of the castle. But I wonder why all of these foods are. They must come from a different time or land than my own. Like this. [She holds up an unwrapped, uncooked block of ramen. It's missing a bite from the corner.] It was terrible, why would anyone eat this?

[kickthecanplz]

Oh! That's ramen.

[... why would you even - nope. don't ask.]

That's not something you eat right out of the bag. You have to boil the noodles first.

[themistress]

[Yeah, she stopped reading the packages sometime after the third box of Nutter Butters.]

Hmmn. I suppose that explains the bag of salt that come with it.

[kickthecanplz]

That would be the flavoring. If you want, I could make you some.

[themistress]

Yes, that would be most excellent.

[Truth be told, Mistress quite full from the several bags of potato chips she ingested. But there's something very familiar about a shy young man wanting to do something for her, so she'll pounce on the opportunity.]

[kickthecanplz]

[Aw, helping out pretty ladies feels good. He smiles, feeling absolutely nothing go wrong here.]

Okay, it won't even take five minutes.

[Figuring she'll do better with a whole block, he manages to get a different pack from the cupboards. Pot, stove, cup of water, and he's easily enough stirring up a batch.]

This stuff comes from my home, Japan.

[themistress]

[Nothing at all! But she's very suddenly hovering quite close to him, peering over his shoulder as she watches.]

Japan? Yet another land I've never received tribute from.

[kickthecanplz]

[That's... close. But aside from blushing, he'll keep stirring, just another minute more now.]

Tribute from? What do you mean?

[themistress]

[But is it close enough? Apparently not, because Mistress presses herself to his back.]

All the rulers of lesser lands are required to give tribute to me.

[kickthecanplz]

[Presence of boobs+that kind of talk=oh fuck what did I walk into this time.]

Uhhh... I-I guess that means you're p-pretty.... important! Pretty important! Back home.

[stir-stir-stir-stir-stir-stir okay just gunna grab this bowl and pour and pray-]

[themistress]

[Mistress finds all of this quite adorable, and she happily lets go of him so that he can finish up the ramen.]

Oh, yes. I'm supreme ruler of my kingdom.

[kickthecanplz]

[Supreme. Ruler. He's just gunna go slack-jawed for a few seconds there, if you don't mind.]

... Haaa.... N-N-Nice to meet you... your highness.

[Gulping hard to regain some sense of composure, he adds the flavoring, stirs a little more, then sets the bowl on the table.]

It's still a little hot, so wait a minute, and you should be fine... your... majesty.

[highness. majesty. what am I even supposed to do TAMAKI YOU DIDN'T PREPARE ME FOR ACTUAL MEMBERS OF ROYAL BLOOD]

[themistress]

["Royal blood", "incredibly powerful sorceress capable of demolishing everything in her path". What's the difference!]

Oh, don't be silly. You may call me Mistress.

[She peers at this bowl of noodles, very interested.] Do most foods in your land come with all the necessary ingredients, ready for preparation?

[kickthecanplz]

[Well... to be fair, she does seem very nice. Really, what's he getting so worked over? He gets her a spoon and napkin.]

Sometimes... that's what we call 'instant' food. It's cheap and convenient, so if you're low on cash, you can still afford to eat.

Would you like something to drink?

[themistress]

[She actually didn't bother waiting for a spoon -- she's pulled one long noodle out of the bowl with her fingers, and is eating it in a manner that's probably incredibly inappropriate.]

What sort of drink goes well with this ramen?

[kickthecanplz]

...

[Doesn't reply at first because his mind went kaput at that sexy imagery.]

... Ah! Drink! Tea! Goes with the. On it.

[But he blames himself for that reaction, as he goes about making her a fresh cup of green tea. Because surely he's the pervert, not her, it's all his fault.]

[themistress]

[Mistress just watches him, smirking. This is adorable, he reminds her so much of her terrible Apprentice! Except he's even more flustered... it's precious.

She does switch to the spoon though, to taste the soup.]

[kickthecanplz]

[By the time he puts a cup full of fresh greeny goodness on the table, he's somewhat calmed down.]

... My name's Ritsu Kasanoda. But you can just call me Kasanoda. Or... whatever you want.

[themistress]

[As she's decided to make him as uncomfortable as possible, Mistress smiles at him lecherously, and trails one finger along his cheek as he nears.]

Ritsu. Are you the Ambassador from Japan to Paradisa?

[kickthecanplz]

[Frozen solid. Every joint, every limb, just frozen. What did I eat before I went to bed that I'd dream a hot chick would do this to me because I clearly need to eat it more often.]

N-n-n-n-n-no... I'm just... a normal... person of Japan. Regular citizen. And... there are other... J-Japanese people here... I'm just a...st-st-student.

[themistress]

[And gently fingering his hair now, leaning in very close...]

A student? A student of what?