paradisa | six tests

[He'll look up at her from his spot on the bed. Steve doesn't mind that she came in. Honestly he is too depressed get up and answer the door. Sitting here until he's needed is more or less his plan of action for now.]

Hey.

[She'll set the bag of food down and sit beside him. Her arm goes around his shoulder and she leans against him.]

Pretty sure wallowing wasn't on the agenda today.

[Steve doesn't move aside from the little nod and self depreciating smile.]

Yeah? That was before today happened. [A beat.] I don't know if I can do this, Jo.

Today happened, yep. It's officially almost tomorrow though.

[She gives him another gentle nudge.] Also, I'm gonna fight you on the you not being able to do this part. I am going to so lose if it actually goes to fisticuffs, but hey - it'll be worth it to prove you wrong.

[That earns a little smile.] You kidding? You could wipe the floor with me.

[Steve exhales audibly.] Jo... all my memories of him have holes in them. The next time I see him it's going to be to yank him off an operating table and not long after that I've got to watch him die. What am I supposed to do with that? How am I supposed to make peace with the fact this was his only chance to live?

Do you think he didn't live here? That he wasn't making the best out of everything he had? [She tips her head to try and look at him more evenly.]

I work every day, I do boring monotonous stuff pretty much as a constant when I'm not an otter, taking care of a kid, or trying to fight off monsters in this place. I make what I can from each day, but I'm not worried that I'm not living enough and you shouldn't worry about it either.

Besides, can you look me in the eye and tell me that if you had a chance to go back and tell Bucky the truth, if you could warn him that he wouldn't still do the exact same thing? That he wouldn't be by your side through it all - just because that's who he is?

[She's got him there. He can hear Bucky's voice in his head agreeing with Jo. It's not a back alley, Steve. This is a war. Soldiers die. No one ever pretended otherwise. Steve would undoubtedly make the same decision as Bucky in his place. Going out protecting your best friend isn't terrible by any means. That didn't stop him from mourning or wishing things were different. It just made him feel childish for doing so.]

... I can't tell you that. I know he wouldn't change a thing.

[She nods, pulling her mouth into a tight line. She gives him a moment of silence with that, because she knows that ~~her genius takes a bit to settle~~ it's not the easiest thing to accept.]

I know that sometimes things happen for a reason. Sometimes those things suck. Hell, sometimes those reasons suck even more, but we all have to have something to be stubborn about. Otherwise none of us would ever do anything worthwhile. We'd all be wandering around, shrugging at conflict and saying 'whatever' - which, by the way, is my least favorite word.

[a beat] Unless it's preceded by "How much cake can I have?" and followed directly by "- you feel like having."

[Steve is letting the genius settle up until that last part. He smiles again, more genuine, and looks at her.]

So what I should be taking from this is 'whatever' is a bad word and baking you cakes without limiting the intake is a good thing?

Yep. [She nods.]

Wanna get some cake?

[He nods.] I think I could go for a couple of slices.

Good. All that ... two seconds of talking about cake made me want cake. [She's gonna pause, though.]

Steve, you're gonna make it through this. Don't think about it as them not being around long enough, think about it as them being around just long enough to make you realize how lucky you are that they were here at all.

[HUG TIME?]

[Hug time!] I'll keep it in mind. Do you think he'll ever come back?

[Jo gives him a hug and then when she pulls back to get up off the bed and offer her hand for him to get up off the bed, because she can totally support his weight with her... one hand.]

Dean's been here five times, Chase is on his third. There are some people that this place can't get enough of. It'll work out if it's supposed to, Steve.

We just can't spend all of our time waiting.

[He'll take her hand and graciously do most of the lifting here.] I won't obsess over it. I can't see myself not waiting a little.

You'll be fine, Steve. I know it.

How can I not be? We're going to get some cake.

Just checking.

[and off they go to get CAKE.]

six tests | dictated

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