( o55 )

[gevurah]

[ stephanie brown ]

[ Just as expected, she dwells on this for some time. They haven't spoken in months and had things not ended up this way, she would have kept ceased communications. There isn't much anger she holds toward the other woman anymore, but there is a severe lack of trust. For Kate, if she could not trust someone or they didn't fit her standards as reliable, she dropped them, no matter how guilty or guiltless she felt about it.

But to not say anything would be cruel and nobody deserves that. While she doesn't consider her a friend anymore, she's still an ally. ]

Come to the clinic.


[ kidnapped filter ]

[ Kate abhors using those words for this filter. Time to check in on everyone, though. ]

How are you all doing?

[ If you're in the clinic, holla. ]


[ And it should not come as too much of a surprise, but Kate leaves out a filter to her own friends. At least for now. She's tired and has to deal with Stephanie soon, so she wants to be completely prepared for whatever is to come. She doesn't mean to make anyone worry.

With some effort, she manages to sit up on her bed. She's currently in the clinic, much to her chagrin. Never has she liked being stuck on bed rest and being made to feel so helpless, frustrated and tired. It makes her feel like a victim, something she's always hated since the time she was a child. Even knowing the clinic staff were just doing their job, it makes her feel petty.

Now? She feels restless. She pours through the journal for details on what's happened in the castle during the days she was stuck elsewhere, yet there's nothing that really explains what exactly happened. As usual, there's no reason. There's never a reason.

She shouldn't waste any energy feeling so angry about this. ]


[ ooc; open in the clinic to whoever! ]

Comments

[secondchances]

I'll stand.

[Her feet feel glued to the floor, anyway.]

What's going on?

[gevurah]

[ Cushioning the truth seems insulting. Bluntness seems just as inappropriate. ]

Tim...

[ No, she can't do it like that. She opts for the only way she knows. ]

Tim's dead.

[secondchances]

--what?

[She stares at Kate, as if she didn't hear her correctly. She feels like she's been through this before, though. This feels like a routine.]

[gevurah]

[ Patiently: ]

He was protecting someone and that shadow, whatever it was, attacked him.

[secondchances]

[Steph looks down at the floor, running a hand through her hair. Dead. Tim died--he was killed. No use asking if Kate was sure, because Kate seems like someone who would be sure.]

Tim's dead.

[She exhales, nodding her head, hands resting at the nape of her neck. Tim was dead. There had been plenty of times when she had flipped, thinking he was dead. This time he was.

He'd be back in two weeks. People came back in Paradisa. Kara did.]

--thanks. For telling me. I appreciate it. [Just when she was feeling okay about Damian being gone.]

[gevurah]

[ She makes no sudden movements and watches her quietly. There's a heavy and uncomfortable feeling of guilt and pity settling into her stomach. ]

I don't have any better way to put it. [ That's not it. ] There isn't.

[ She exhales slowly. ]

Clark has him.

[secondchances]

[Steph's making an obvious effort to keep it together, eyes glassy and breathing carefully kept level. She kinda really wants to cry, kinda really wants to punch something, and kinda really doesn't know what to do and wishes she had someone's arm to cling onto right now. She drops her arms, wrapping them around her middle.

Kate mentions Clark. That's a good place to start.]

I'll get in contact with him and... [then what?]

[gevurah]

[ She still hasn't forgotten what Allen said. It's just she's been waiting for a good moment to bring it up. As "good" as it can be. ]

Arrangements for a funeral?

[ Asked rather cautiously. Even she has no idea what people usually do when this happens here. ]

[secondchances]

I don't know.

[That's the right thing to do, but the idea makes her want to puke. He'll be back, but that doesn't the fact that he died. A hero, of course. Something needed to be done. She's been to funerals, had a funeral of her own, but she has no idea what arrangements needed to be done here.]

I'll ask around. And let people know what happened.

[She taps her foot.]


And punch him when he gets back because I'm not supposed to be thinking about a funeral for him.

[gevurah]

[ It makes her feel sick, too. Tim is just a kid in her eyes. Damian, Cassandra, Jason... hell, even Stephanie herself probably started young. Way more prone to mistakes and the unexpected harshness of this job. It's not their fight. Kids should never have to be buried before the adults, not when it can be helped. ]

I haven't filtered to anyone who might know him. It's up to you.

... Allen mentioned a couple of things.

[secondchances]

[She nods, head swimming at the idea of announcing his death. First, talk to Clark. Then take care of the rest.]

There's more? [Followed by a shaky little laugh. It can't get worse.]

[gevurah]

He said Tim told him to say he was sorry to you.

[secondchances]

[Oh.

It CAN get worse.

Well, that gets the crying going. The knot in her throat hurts, and she quickly presses her palms into her eyes. Not that it really does anything but smear her tears against her eyelashes.

Sorry. He said he was sorry. He had time to say something, and it was sorry. To her.]

Ugh.

[gevurah]

[ Those tears definitely make her expression fall. She didn't want to do this. She doesn't want to be the one who has to see her crack first. Something like this should be reserved for a person who's friends with her. ]

I know it's the last you want to hear, but Allen mentioned something important.

[secondchances]

[And she doesn't really want to crack in front of Kate. She's been fairly good at keeping herself together, she thinks, jumping over hurdles and rolling with the punches without too much emotional bruising. This is difficult to just take in stride, and she's sure she feels it clawing at whatever is pent up in a bottle somewhere in Steph's mind.

She's also pretty sure Kate wouldn't punch her if she went in for a hug, but awkwardly standing there is probably better than awkwardly clinging to a woman who probably didn't like her all that much.

Steph just nods her head, wiping at her eyes, not confident in the stability of her voice.]

[gevurah]

Allen said if a funeral is arranged, to not cremate Tim. [ She lets that hang for a moment. ] He's not sure on the details. Said Arthur didn't come back the same and his memories aren't as clear.

[secondchances]

[Steph looks at Kate, mildly horrified. The idea hadn't even crossed her mind, and even when it was time to decide such things, she's fairly certain she wouldn't even consider it then.]

No cremation.

[gevurah]

[ A hint of discomfort can be read in Kate's expression. It's jarring to discuss what they're going to do with the body when he's going to return in two weeks.

Right? ]

The rest is in your hands.

[secondchances]

[That comment isn't comforting. If she were someone else, or maybe just a little bit stronger, perhaps it would spur her into action. She'd find Clark now, discuss what to do with Tim's body...

But all it really does is make her want to get the hell out of the clinic. She doesn't want to be around Kate, and she really doesn't want this responsibility.]

Get well soon.

[And with that, she turns on her heel and runs out.]

[gevurah]

[ Kate says nothing more and watches her go, before moving back to the bed. She seats herself on the edge and sighs, burying her the side of her face into the palm of her hand.

We soldier on. Her father's words ring clear in her mind, but right now she feels like she needs some kind of break. ]